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This time, I was excited about not knowing. Marriage was a beautiful new journey I couldn't wait to start with Mark, and I was quickly learning that being a mother wasn't something that ever stayed the same. I was new to motherhood because my baby was so young, but so much changed with every passing day with Cassie. I felt like every mother was new to motherhood with each stage of their child's life.
In the year ahead, my baby would go from a tiny newborn through sitting and crawling to walking around, maybe even saying her first words. It was difficult to really wrap my head around that, and I was excited to watch it happen.
This was the first year I thought of New Year's Eve not as a time to celebrate the end of a year, but the chance to celebrate all that happened in it and all that was to come. And Mark and I weren't going to be doing it alone. It wasn't really our intention to essentially disappear from the world for so long. We knew we wanted to lay low for the first couple of weeks of Cassie's life, but we ended up enjoying our cozy, private bubble so much it had stretched on, and now we were a couple of months later and still hadn't gathered our friends together.
Those closest to us had met her, of course. But the meetings were brief and isolated to just one or two people at a time. That night we were getting everybody together again for a party, and we were looking forward to showing Cassie off.
But that meant party preparations, and if I was going to have any kind of event at my home, I had one destination that was non-negotiable. Bundling the baby up, I hooked her into her seat, and we headed into town.
The bakery was busy, just like I expected it to be. People were stocking up on goodies for their own parties, as well as pastries and bread to have on hand for the next day when the vast majority of them would probably not feel like doing anything involving cooking. Or, honestly, moving a whole lot.
Fortunately, I had thought ahead and put in a preorder for the majority of what I wanted to pick up. I was hoping to add a few extra little things in, so I got in line and waited until I got to the counter. The girl working that morning smiled brightly at me. I had to admire her ability to look that happy and cheerful even when I knew she had to be stressed.
I gave her my name and order number.
"But I was actually hoping to add some things. Would that be all right?" I asked.
"What would you like?" she asked.
"A dozen cheese rolls, two dozen muffins, and a couple of loves of onion bread," I said.
"What kind of muffins?" she asked.
"Just an assortment would be fine," I said. "Every one I've tried has been delicious."
She smiled a little wider. "I'm glad you like them so much. There's a new batch of the rolls in the oven right now. It will be just a few minutes."
"That's fine. I can wait over here." I nodded toward a sitting area off to the side. "Can I have a croissant and coffee for right now?"
"Of course. I'll be over with it in just a second."
I carried Cassie over to the last open table and sat down. A few people around me oohed and ahhed over her, and I couldn't help but smile and show her off a bit. I never thought I would be the kind of person to want to show dozens of pictures of my child or put them on display to be admired while I was out, but here I was, happily lifting her up a little higher so the elderly women at the table beside me could gaze at her.
As I was cuddling her back against me and my croissant appeared on the table, I looked up and noticed Jade come into the bakery. I was surprised to see her, but there was none of the discomfort or awkwardness of the last time. She walked up to the counter and placed an order. Even from where I was sitting, I could see her expression change and her body language sag in a way that said she wasn’t hearing what she wanted to.
She looked around like she was trying to find a place to stand, and her eyes met mine. They moved away from me, then snapped back quickly like it took those few extra seconds to really process it was me. I gestured at the empty seat across from me at the table. Jade hesitated for only a second, then crossed the bakery and sat down.
"It's crazy around here," she said. "Who would have thought so many people would need baked goods for New Year's?"
