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I can’t even talk against the pressure in his fingers. I manage to nod.
But I never verbally agree.
Chapter 10
Kat
I spend the rest of the afternoon staring out my new window, waiting and hoping to catch a glimpse of Crane or Brom. I’m on the first floor, which makes it easy for me to sneak out my window at a later hour, but I don’t think I’m allowed to wander over to their dorms as it is.
After my mother told me I was ripe for the picking, which she then clarified by saying I was ready for my magic to be fully useful, something that seemed to please her to no end, I went about getting my room set up with Famke’s help. My mother was there too, so there was no chance for me to talk to Famke about what I really wanted to (mainly, if she knew who or what on earth Goruun was) even though my mother didn’t help me get organized at all—just stood there and watched me the whole time. It’s like her eyes were drinking me in and by the time they finally left, I felt completely drained, as if she took back whatever energy Crane had given to me and taken it for herself. It couldn’t have been my imagination that she seemed brighter and stronger than earlier.
Finally they left and while I was sad to see Famke go, I felt nothing but relief the minute my mother left me alone in my new bedroom. There had been no more talk of tea but she did say she wanted Brom and I to come for dinner on the weekend. I said I would depending on the weather but she gave me a look that told me she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Well, she would have to come and drag me there.
Now that I’m back into my regular clothes and there isn’t much more to do, I need to find Crane and Brom. I have a sense of security in this room which makes me want to stay, and a feeling of independence for once. But out there in the halls I can hear my fellow students laughing and chatting and I feel too shy to go out there and try and join in. And yet staying in my room and hearing them just outside the door, I feel only loneliness. Such a terrible feeling to feel small and alone as others go on laughing without you, part of some world you’re not privy to.
This isn’t the time to make friends, I remind myself, trying to feel stronger. Your focus is Brom and Crane and that’s it right now.
Finally, when the drizzle that had started earlier seems to let up, I gather up Ms. Choi’s clothes and boots, planning to go to the faculty dorm and give them to her. That way I could quickly swing by the men’s wing and see if Crane is there.
The hall is empty of students when I step out and lock my door, slipping the key into one of my tiny pockets on the bodice where I keep my button hook. I go out the main doors and into the cold air. The sun is still up somewhere but the fog and clouds have swallowed up almost all light, plunging the campus into a hazy darkness. It’s strangely still and quiet, only the faint dripping from the eaves and onto the cobblestone, and for one terrifying moment I feel like I’m the only person left in the world. Like this is all there is left, just me, the stillness.
And something dark and sinister that lurks in the shadows.
Something that wants to eat me.
Then a breeze ruffles my hair and I hear the call of crows as a flock of them take flight from the trees, and everything seems normal again.
A violent shiver rocks through me and I hurry over to faculty dorm, careful not to slip on the slick path, and then head up the stairs to the mezzanine. I think about going to Ms. Choi’s first to drop off her clothes but I’m pulled toward the men’s wing, the need to see Crane too strong to ignore.
I turn the corner of the hall and then come to a stop just as Sister Sophie stands outside his door, as if she just knocked and is waiting for him to answer.
Her head swivels toward me. “Katrina?” she asks, sounding surprised and yet uneasy at the same time, as if I caught her doing something wrong. Then she squares her shoulders and walks toward me, chin raised, that haughty coldness that all the sisters seem to share corrupting her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she asks suspiciously.
“I was returning some clothes to Ms. Choi,” I tell her, raising the items. “Were you seeing Professor Crane?”
