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Chapter20
ALEX
I had really messedthis up. How had I screwed everything up so badly? And on the night of my biggest career victory. Cassie had already called to tell me that all the paintings had sold. Every last one. Even the two sculptures that I wasn't that enthusiastic about. They'd all sold, and I'd made more money in one night than I'd seen in my entire life. But none of that mattered. Not without Jensen.
Now that I had the freedom to do what I wanted with whomever I wanted, I didn’t have the one person who mattered the most to me anymore. But at least I had the one thing that always gave me comfort.
I stood behind my easel and gathered my paints, the brightest colors I could find. They would work for both joy and misery. I lifted my brush and started to paint. Never mind my fancy dress or getting splatters everywhere. This sparkly dress wasn't me. Paint under my fingernails, in my hair, and on my skin,thatwas me. This was coming home.
I didn't know how long I'd been at it when I heard a voice behind me. "I knew you'd be right here."
Jensen."What are you doing here?"
He stepped over to me, hands in his pockets. I knew that stance.
"Jensen, don't. Just don't. You don't need to placate me or pretend with me. Just say it and be done."
He stood in front of me, his lips tipped up in my favorite smile. "Say what?"
"That we’re done. That we're not friends anymore. Rip off the Band-Aid. I can't go back to being just your best friend. I can't watch hot girls parading in and out of your bed. It hurts. I know I don't say so, but it’s painful to see."
His eyes went soft. "Every one of them are poor facsimiles of you. I kept picking girls that were the exact opposite of you. Some not so smart, none of them as beautiful. Not a single one of them compared to you. I always figured I didn’t deserve you. But being back home has given me some perspective on my family. Their mistakes are not mine. I can be the right guy for you. I want to be."
"You can't say this stuff to me, Jensen. Because Iwantto believe you." His words twisted in my gut like barbed wire. How could he just say those things and twist my emotions?
"Well, I intend to keep saying those things to you. I've been trying to tell you for over a week now. I love you."
"Yeah, I hear you. I love you too."
Jensen turned my stool around so that I faced him. His smile was gentle. "No. You're not hearing me.I. Am. In. Love. With. You.I have been since that first kiss when we were just trying to get revenge on Mark. I knew in that second you were extraordinary. And I'm sorry I put you through this last week. It wasn't fair, but it helped me see that I've been completely in love with you since the day I met you. You're funny and smart and kind, and I know you don't really do displays of affection, but I want to tell you today and every day for the rest of my life that I love you. I'vebeenin love with you. It took me a while to figure it out, but now that I have, I'm not letting you go. Ever."
Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to try and dissipate them. "You love me?"
"Yes. I've been trying to tell you all week."
"But you said that we'd just come back home and go back to being friends."
He chuckled. "Because I'm an idiot and I thought that's what you needed to hear from me. I didn't want to spook you. I thought if we could go back to the way things were, you would be more comfortable until you could figure out that you love me too."
"Well, I didn't need to figure that out. I've known it for years. Which is why this week was so hard."
He tugged me to standing and pulled me into his arms. "I love you, Alex Winters. And I want you to be mine forever. Can you manage that?"
I laughed as the tears fell down my cheeks. "Yeah, Jensen Morrison, I can manage that."
