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Most stood outside, those from Móirín shielding everyone from the rain while warriors from Pádraigín hid the cabin from outsiders, and those from Fiadh kept the fires roaring.
Avalon quickly explained that he’d used the river to decrease his travel time and that more warriors would be arriving over the next couple of days. They were moving in small units and hiding in underground bunkers while the sun was up.
Is that how Arianna would travel if they didn’t take care of Niall? Would the roads ever be safe for her while the male drew breath?
Rion didn’t yet know whether Arianna planned to return to Levea or whether he’d be permitted to accompany her. He prayed he would. The thought of spending one second without her was unbearable.
“The back room has a shower and a bed,” Avalon said to his daughter. “You look like you could use some rest.”
Rest. He needed an entire year of it.
Rion wasn’t sure what he expected, but when Arianna inclined her head for him to follow, he did so without hesitation. All eyes in the room watched, but he didn’t bother meeting their gazes. The only thing Rion cared about was the female in front of him.
A private room. This was it then. They were finally going to talk, or she was about to send him on his way. He was free and his body healed. If that’s all her goal had been—Rion shook the thoughts away.
She limped more heavily now and entered the cooler room, leaving the door wide open for him to follow.
No fireplace resided here and he could already feel the slight draft from the large window beside the bed. Rion was silently thankful no one stood on the other side of the glass. He didn’t want an audience for whatever was about to happen.
Arianna hobbled across the space and stood at the opposite end, wringing the dark fabric of her shirt between her hands. Her fear only amplified when Rion closed the door.
She was alone with him. Alone and afraid and he hated himself for it.
Swallowing hard, Rion stepped forward to close the distance, but Arianna stepped back.
His heart split in half, then Rion hit his knees.
Rain water rolled down his body and dirt bled into the lush white rug beneath him. They were finally together, finally alone, and Rion couldn’t get anywhere near her.
Her face. The way it twisted when she looked at him. He’d finally found someone who didn’t see him as just a monster and he’d ruined it.
Rion just wanted her to be happy, whatever that took.
His voice cracked and his composure shattered. “I’m a selfish creature,” he whispered. “I told myself I’d give you time. I said I’d stay away if that was your wish. I thought that maybe I could convince you to lock me up where I couldn’t hurt you again.” Rion’s jaw clenched. “But I’d give anything to stay by your side. If you want me to wear iron, I’ll do it. If you need me in chains, just say the word.” He gripped the fabric of his pants. “I’ll beg, if that’s what it takes. Even if I have to keep my distance, I’ll—”
“No.” The word struck him to the core and he broke. Right there. Shattered into a million tiny fragments. He’d been fighting for months. He’d refused to give in to the visions or the nightmares. He’d pushed his body beyond its limits and survived despite everything the gods had thrown at him.
But that one word.
No.
No, I don’t want you.
No, I don’t trust you.
No, no, no, no, no.
Rion bowed his head to the rug while the word echoed through him. He wasn’t enough and he couldn’t make amends.
He tried to clear his throat, failed, then his next words came out in a fractured plea. “Will you allow me to lead your armies then? I have the experience. I-I’ll report to Talon or whoever you choose. And I swear, gods, I swear I won’t act against you. I’ll—” He couldn’t finish. His breath was coming too fast. His ears were ringing and he wasn’t even sure he was making sense. The world was burning him from the inside out. His insides screaming.
No.
His heart pounded so hard Rion was certain he’d die. “Anything,” he whispered. “Just tell me what you want.”
Silence filled the space for a long while, but Rion didn’t lift his head or open his eyes. He just stayed there, head bowed, wondering if he’d ever get to touch his mate again. It felt as though fate had dangled her before him only to snatch her away, just to see what he might do in her absence.
Time crawled and sped at once, but it was the silence that hurt, chipping away at him one sliver at a time.
