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“Don’t be silly,” Tabitha snapped sharply. “It doesn’t matter where you came from or who you were before now. What matters is what you’ve done here, and I don’t know if you have noticed but everyone in this house is happy. The kids. The boys. You must stop lingering on the past and focus on the future!”
She moved next to me and patted my arm. “I know it’s hard. But look at the boys; you know some of their pasts. Look where they are now. The present, the future… that’s where your mind should be.” She stepped away to the pantry and pulled out more ingredients. “I’ve seen you, Summer. You fit in here like a puzzle piece I didn’t even know what was missing.”
Her words were so kind and honest that a sudden warmth flooded behind my eyes, and I forced my eyes back on my work. Tightness swept through my chest and I forced a deep breath. Those children weren’t the only ones lacking and yearning for maternal love.
It was difficult to dwell on my anxieties like Felix and his threats, however, when Christmas Eve seemed to be as big of a deal as actual Christmas. All day I’d been bouncing between games, shows, and cooking with Tabitha as we all prepared for Christmas Eve dinner and honestly, it was a blast. Being busy kept my mind quiet and focused, something I was clinging to, and it was even easier when the children spilled into the kitchen ready to get their hands dirty.
With dinner bubbling away on the stove, dessert became the focus. I took Bonnie and together we whipped up mounds of cream that Luke stole a mouthful of as he worked nearby with Kane molding gingerbread men. Theo and Ava were on decorating duty, and Jax helped Tabitha with the baking and the oven. The entire kitchen was buzzing with life and laughter, giggles when flour would go the wrong way or cream would fly out of a bowl. With Christmas music drifting through the air, it was an incredible heartwarming time and I soaked it all up.
Until Luke nudged me with a bright smile. “Nothing quite like it, is there?” he grinned. Flour dotted his nose and his eyes sparkled with life as Kane leaned down on the counter with his tongue out, intently working on posing a gingerbread figure.
“Like what?” I asked, trying to scoop the cream into a piping bag while stopping Bonnie from eating it all.
“Family,” Luke said softly. He returned to Kane as the noise dulled and the world fell away.
Family.Did he mean that? Did he see me as part of this, more than just a nanny and the woman they were sleeping with? In a rush, Felix swarmed my thoughts and my gaze dropped to Luke’s leg. Before, I had been suspicious but desperate to persuade myself that Luke’s accident and my past were nothing but a coincidence. Until Felix had said one thing that I hadn’t registered until I lay in bed trying to calm down that night.
“I looked up who you worked for; I think you’ll find I’m quite familiar with one of them.”
Familiar with Luke. That connection had stabbed into my heart like a thorn and it wasn’t goinganywhere. My doubt had been erased, and now I was convinced that Luke indeed was the man Felix had run over, the man I had tried to give drunken CPR to in the dark and pouring rain. His life had crumbled that night and I had been a part of that.
How the fuck was I going to tell him? Should I tell him? Maybe I didn’t have to. It was in the past; it couldn’t be changed. Once the holiday was over and I was returned to the cold city alone, it wouldn’t even matter. Even if a part of my heart yearned for this to never end.
Cold dread bled from those thoughts, mingling with the warmth of being referred to as part of the family and Tabitha’s acceptance. I was growing more and more confused and with it all, an itch bubbled under my skin.
One word from Felix and it’d be my world in tatters.
“Summer!” Bonnie squealed, bringing the warmth of the kitchen rushing back to me, and I glanced down to the cream spilling out of the piping bag.
“Oh no! It’s okay, I’ve got it.” With a quick scoop, I gathered the cream back into the bag and Bonnie cheered, clapping her hands together. “See? Easy peasy.”
I shoved all thoughts away and focused on Bonnie as she took the bag from me and we began to pipe the cream into the choux pastry. Blob after blob, we worked slow and steady as Luke and Kane finished their gingerbread men. Theo and Ava decorated like a masterclass, and Jax helped Tabitha add the final touches to the roast.
“Crap,” Tabitha muttered softly, and the kids giggled sharply at her gentle curse.
“What’s wrong?” I glanced over my shoulder. Tabitha was by the freezer and her flushed, rosy face pinched.
“I forgot to order more ice,” she sighed.
“Oh, that’s okay. I can nip down and get some before the resort closes,” I said, ready to step in since that was, after all, what I was hired to do.
“Nonsense,” Jax said as he brushed past me, a hand trailing on my lower back as he did so. “You and Bonnie are doing important work. I’ll go and get it.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, watching as he weaved through the kitchen. Jax spun on the spot and flashed me a dazzling smile.
“Of course! Just save me some of those pastries; they’re my favorite.”
“You want company?” Theo asked, lifting his head but Jax brushed him off with a shoulder pat and a warm smile.
“Make sure you bundle up!” Tabitha called, and Jax laughed, that warm sound melting through me and easing all lingering thoughts of worry. Catching my eye, Jax winked quickly.
“Don’t have too much fun without me. I’ll be back in no time!”
With a flourish, Jax was gone.
24
SUMMER
