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“What?” Straight to business without even a warning. I didn’t know what to say but Jax didn’t repeat himself, he simply watched me expectantly, and the lump in my throat turned to stone, making it harder to swallow as I considered where to start.
“Um… Felix. He uh—I met him when I was a teenager. My mom was dead and my dad might as well have been, so I really had no one. I partied a lot, drank more than I should have, and then I met Felix. He was, well he was older, and his life seemed… together. I guess I liked the security that offered.” I couldn’t look at Jax and instead focused on a loose thread on my jeans. “He wasn’t a good guy though. He was incredibly passionate, but he was also incredibly violent. He was a drug dealer, and he slipped drugs into my drinks more often than not… got me addicted to things I could barely name at that age.”
Jax remained silent as my words started to come faster and faster, nearly matching the pace of my heart while the noise of memories surged in my mind.
“He wasn’t good at staying in control. People were scared of him because he was crazy, because he was so violent… but he was always sweet with me, at the start anyway. I felt so grown up when I was with him, so I made excuses for him. But then I started to doubt things, and anytime I tried to go home or leave, he would…” Words caught in my throat, and I had to squeeze them out. “He would hit me. He actually gave me this scar—” I lightly touched my lip. “—with a glass bottle when I told him I didn’t like how the drugs made me feel. But he always apologized afterwards, so I just…”
Talking so fast made breathing difficult, and I gasped suddenly but it was too much. My history, like vomit, was pouring out of me and I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to.
“Then one night he got drunk, really drunk. I did too. I think we were celebrating or something and he wanted to go for a drive. We argued because it wasn’t safe, but Felix always gets what he wants. The next thing I know, we’re driving, and Felix is still drinking and part of me was hoping we’d crash so that it could all be over, and then… then…” The next part of the story got trapped behind the stone in my throat, and despite being all cried out, tears stung at my eyes.
“You hit Luke,” Jax said quietly.
“Yes,” I gasped. “I didn’t see him. I don’t know if Felix did. One moment we were driving; the next there was this sickening wet crunch and something heavy was rolling over the car. Felix stopped, and I got out and saw him just lying there in the road. I don’t remember much, just the rain and the noise when we hit him. I tried to help him, I swear!” I glanced up at Jax and his face was carefully unreadable. “I tried to give him CPR and everything.”
“His angel,” Jax murmured.
“A demon more like,” I scoffed, turning my eyes back to the thread I was working free. “Felix stopped me. He kept pulling me away, and then he threw me in the trunk and drove away. He left me there until the next day and made me swear not to tell a soul. He told me I’d go to prison too, and I believed him. I was only twenty-two.” Slowly my heartbeat began to calm and with it, my words. “When the police finally tracked his car and came looking, I was the only one there. They asked me about the car and if I knew of any accidents and I—I said yes. I told them everything. I couldn’t stop thinking about Luke; it was the only way.”
I blinked and tears gently skimmed down my cheeks. “When they arrested Felix, he was furious. When they told him they had my witness statement, he confessed so angrily that they didn’t need me anymore. I was never called to court. I swear I never knew it was Luke until…”
“Until?” Jax prompted.
“Until last week, when we were all talking, I realized Luke’s accident sounded familiar. I suspected, but I couldn’t be sure and then… then I ran into Felix here and he confirmed it. I had no idea but Felix did, and he was soangry. He um… before you gave me this job, he got me fired from my old job. Turned out he got early release because of good behavior and hunted me down. I thought taking this job and leaving the country would give me some time to think but he followed me and he…”
I hurriedly wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming. “He kept threatening me, and I was scared. Scared of him, scared of what he would do… and then you came back on Christmas Eve after that attack, and I realized I couldn’t protect anyone.”
“Of course that was him,” Jax muttered grimly. I glanced up, skimming over the bruises on his face, then I nodded slowly.
“So I tried to threaten him, and he… well, this happened.” I laced my fingers together so tightly that my knuckles bled white and the lump in my throat turned to iron. “I’msorry.”
Jax suddenly reached across and his warm hand landed on top of mine. The contact was a shock, and I almost pulled away if not for how much I yearned for his comfort.
“Summer, I… thank you. For telling me all of that. Iwishyou had trusted me and told me he was here, and that you were scared of him.”
I lifted my gaze to his, and through my tears his eyes seemed to sparkle.
“How could I? Everything that’s happened here, with you and the others and the kids… I loved it. I’ve loved every second of it, and the moment I told you any of it, it would be over. Everything I loved here would be gone, and my reality would be back. I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t want to fuck it up like I’ve done with everything else.”
“Oh, Summer…” Jax suddenly pulled me close, and what little restraint I had left crumbled, and I sobbed.
It didn’t matter now. Everything I loved was already gone.
Felix had made sure of that.
35
SUMMER
“Can I get you anything? Something to drink? Eat?”
Jax’s questions seemed alien in nature. I couldn’t fully understand why he was being so calm and nice to me. After crying on his shoulder in the car, he’d brought me into the chalet and sat me down in the lounge where Luke and Theo were settled on the opposite couch. It was almost as if I was on trial, so the thought of putting anything inside me was an immediate no; I had no clue if I’d be able to keep it down.
“No, no thank you,” I replied quietly. My hands came together on my knees, twisting together while my heart pounded in my throat as if trying to dislodge the lump that remained there. Sweat pulsed down my back, and I was unable to look anyone in the eye as I waited. This was it. I was seconds away from being told to pack my bags and get the hell out of there.
“We know you didn’t bring drugs in here, Summer,” Theo said calmly.
“What?” His voice was distant to my ears, and his words almost didn’t register while I was so tangled up in my own thoughts.
