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He could not say he blamed her. It was certainly not his place to judge someone for dreading the future. It had become a large portion of his own personality over the centuries, after all. But he found himself smiling all the same as she tried and failed to pace herself on the mead he had served with their dinner.
While he did not intend letting her get dangerously drunk, he wished to see her smile and laugh. To see a little bit of the joyful creature he knew lurked inside. He had witnessed it before—mostly when she was interacting with the dog who was begging successfully for bits of dinner at her side.
And occasionally when she looked at him.
Her fire-colored eyes would light up. She would smile, almost shyly, and a slight pink tone would hue her cheeks. He was afraid to give a name to what it was that they shared, as it was likely to shatter before the week was out. Likely when he wound up with his head on a pike.
But that was tomorrow or the day after. Tonight, they were together. And tonight, they might forget everything that was to come. Even if the chain connecting her wrists was a constant reminder as it rattled along the edge of the table.
He loved her.
By the Ancients, how he loved her.
But how could he trust her, with the seriousness of what she was still hiding from him? She was in league with the demon. WithGrinn.And while he knew that what she had told him thus far was not a lie, it was the secrets she kept that needled them both.
Whatever it was, whatever the nature of her strange alliance with Grinn might be, she thought it would spell her demise at his hands. He wished to fall to his knees before her and pledge his heart and soul to her. To promise her that nothing—absolutelynothing—could lead him to do such a thing.
Yet deep down inside, he knew that would be a lie.
She was right to be wary. To think that he might put Avalon first ahead of her safety. It was not out of the question. Without all the facts in front of him, he could not say what he might do. For where would they live, how would they exist, if the isle were destroyed around them?
There was always a line that could not be crossed. And anyone who would say otherwise was either dishonest or a fool.
But for now, for this night, he would not have to choose between his duty and the woman he loved. Dinner was finished, and Gwen was already a glass and a half into the mead. She was quicker to smile than she had been a moment before.
Eod, realizing he wasn’t going to get any more treats, clambered back up onto the couch by the wall and started snoring.
Standing, Mordred picked up the bottle of mead and offered Gwen his hand. She looked up at him quizzically for a moment before taking it and letting him lead her from the room. He kept hold of her hand, not caring what others might think as they passed, and he brought her to his favorite place in the keep.
The tower observation deck was often where he went on lonely nights to think. The ceiling stretched high overhead, disappearing into the darkness above them. Floor-to-ceiling windows were open to the outside air on all sides, revealing a balcony and the most stunning view of the isle that the keep had to offer.
Gwendolyn gasped. She headed to the balcony through the open archway door. He followed behind her, smiling as she took in the sight.
The clouds had cleared, and the sky was alive with the dancing flicker of stars. The moon was high, casting the forest beyond in a pale glow. Even from this distance, Mordred could make out the blink of fireflies in the field and in the darkness of the forest beyond. Avalon was once more alive.
She leaned on the stone balustrade. “Wow…”
“I had missed this. I did not realize how much until it returned.” He stood beside her, resting his own arms on the stone rail. “I do not wish to rebuild the Iron Crystal.”
“Really?” She glanced up at him for a moment before turning her attention back to the view.
“I will if I must. But I do not want to see this world muted and broken once more. I do not enjoy that which I must do to protect Avalon.” He shut his eyes. “I would weep to see such beauty broken once more by death…I do not know if I could stomach total war a second time. Yet I do not know if fating it to the Crystal is any less damning. What am I to do, firefly?”
When her fingers touched his cheek, he almost jolted in surprise. She turned him to her with the slightest of movements.
Such a sweet creature.
“Take this fucking chain off me.”
He blinked. That was not what he was expecting. “Pardon?”
“I want tohugyou, you big, stupid, rusty freight train.” She poked him in the chest. “Take the chain off.”
Chuckling quietly, he shook his head. “Yes, fine.” Taking the chain in his hand, he willed the links to detach from her wrists before vanishing it into the ether complete. “But it goes back on when—”
He never finished the sentence. She threw her arms around his neck, having to leap up until her feet were no longer touching the ground. He caught her reflexively as she kissed him.
* * *
