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“But it most obviously does, since you just told me that the reason you don’t want to admit that you like me is because I won’t stay. What leads you to believe I’m going to walk away?”
He waved his hand in the air with frustration. “No, it’s not you that makes me think that. It’s me.”
“I’m confused,” I admitted, rubbing my temple. “Maybe I’m just tired, but this conversation isn’t making any sense to me.”
He was quiet while the grandfather clock pendulum ticked off the seconds. “Have you ever had a secret you didn’t want anyone to know?”
“Of course,” I answered immediately. “Who hasn’t?”
He motioned at me with his hand as if to say, ‘exactly.’ He stood and picked up our dishes, washing them out and stacking them in the sink. When he turned back, I was in front of him, inches from his warm body that I wanted to wrap myself around.
He glanced down at my lips for half a heartbeat before I pressed mine to his. He froze for half a second until he slipped his hand up behind my neck and pulled me closer to him. I kept the kiss close lipped and gentle, but he was vibrating with a barely contained energy. He moaned quietly, and I braced my hand on his chest to feel the growl of it through to my soul. Slowly, he lifted his lips off mine, and I lowered myself back to my heels without dropping his gaze.
“I don’t care about your secrets, Lance. I care about you. Maybe we should start there.”
I turned and left the room, jogged up the stairs to my bedroom and closed the door before I dared to even take a breath. My hands went to my lips, and I sighed. I was right. The chemistry between us wasn’t imagined. It was real and I was going to prove it to him regardless of our secrets.
Chapter Ten
“Mel?” I called out, closing the door to the bakery behind me. I didn’t want to scare her without announcing my presence, considering the early hour.
“By the ovens, Indie!”
I dropped my bag and coat off on my office chair and wandered into the bakery where Mel was pulling pies out of the oven and Cecily was frying donuts.
“Morning, Cecily,” I said on my way past her fryer. “No helper today?”
“Hey, Indigo,” she replied, flipping a donut in the fryer. “I’m flying solo today so we can give the kids a bit of a break for next week’s busyness. I thought you were off today?”
Cecily Romane was our head donut fryer. She worked full-time and trained the school-to-work kids on donut making, frying, and decorating.
“I am,” I said laughing with her. “But I always check and make sure everything is fine. I decided to come in early this morning since I’ll be helping Lance decorate later today.”
Mel set the last pan of pies on the rack and closed the oven door. “You’re helping Lance decorate? Do you mean the house?”
“The house and the front yard,” I said, leaning on the baker’s bench. “I found Michelle’s idea for this year’s display, so we decided to honor her by making sure the display goes up. We’re a little late compared to Michelle Garland standards, but I think it will help Lance, and their neighborhood, feel better about the season.”
Mel nodded but I could tell she was trying to hide her smirk. “I would say that Lance is feeling much better about the season since you showed up.”
“Oh, please,” I said, laughing uncomfortably. I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss earlier, so the idea that I was making him feel better made me giddy and scared at the same time. “We’re friends and nothing more. He’s still struggling through the loss of his mom. I would never make him go through that alone. Even before I moved in, I was spending more time with him because I could see he needed a friend.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re there with him. I can’t imagine how hard it is for him this year, even though he wants to stay positive and enjoy the season,” Mel said. “I’m sure there will be many times when he won’t be able to muster that positivity.”
I thought about how I found him in the garage yesterday, and it hit me that was exactly what was happening. If I had paid better attention to what was around me, I would have understood why he was out of sorts rather than get my feelings hurt by his vagueness. I kept my expression even because I refused to show weakness in front of Mel. I hadn’t figured anything out yet, but I did know the kisses we’d shared only muddied the water more. The connection we had was there, but he was fighting it for a reason I didn’t understand.
I didn’t know if he’d ever tell me why, either. For some reason, he had it in his head that he wasn’t good enough for me and I would leave. If only he knew. If only he knew who I was and why I was living with him rather than at home. If only he knew that I don’t judge anyone because of the secrets they carry. I have my own and the likelihood that he would judge me for mine was just as high. I sighed at the thought that we couldn’t just be open with each other without fear. I supposed the only way for that to happen was to be the first to open up, but the thought terrified me, so I didn’t. I would spend this Christmas with him as a friend to help him through it, but selfishly, I’d be enjoying it as the only one we’d ever have.
“And I promised him I would be there for him during the holidays. Speaking of the holidays,” I said to change the subject, “where are we with everything for Friday?”
Mel pointed at the pies. “We’ll be having a few extra kids coming in on different shifts throughout Wednesday and Friday to get the cookies and pies baked. Ivy wants us to have two different kinds of cookies, including a gluten-free one, but nothing with too many allergens.”
“That’s a tall order,” I said, chuckling. “I say we make sugar cookies for gluten-free and nut free, and our signature chocolate chip for the second choice.”
“Exactly what I was thinking. I would prefer if you were here to do the ordering with Sandy when she comes in. She does great, but this will be something she hasn’t done before. If we are short ingredients, we won’t have time to order more before we need to bake.”
“Not a problem,” I promised. “I’ll check the schedule and make sure I’m here when she is. I have everything to make the cake samples, but I wonder if Ivy has everything else set for the hot chocolate booth?”
“I don’t know the specifics on that one. You’ll have to check with Ivy,” Mel said. She untied her apron and hung it on a hook on the wall. “In fact, let’s run down to the diner right now so we’re both informed. My baking is done and I have to wait for the pies to cool anyway. Are you okay here alone for a few minutes, Cecily?”
