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“If you ever get a job offer from Jonas, let me know,” he said.
I laughed. I wasn’t sure what he was doing so close, but I wasn’t afraid. We were partners in crime, about to call it a night. Pretty soon I would be comfortably ensconced in my own living room, dressed in my pajamas, watching old romantic comedies. Why then did I feel a quickening of my pulse?
“I can’t get you out of my mind,” Nate said.
Before I knew what was happening, he leaned forward, slipping a hand up underneath my hair to cradle the back of my head. He pressed his lips to mine, the suddenness of the embrace taking my breath away.
I didn’t know what to do with my hands. They were limp by my sides, then awkward weights between us. I tried to focus on the connection, but my head was spinning. I felt my feet lifting up off the ground and I floated in a haze of excitement and confusion.
Just as quickly as he came on, he backed off. He dropped his hand from the base of my skull, stepping away as if he was shocked by his own advance. I licked my lips, tasting the ghost of his brandy and the expensive aroma of his cologne. My lips tingled slightly, a result of his five o’clock shadow. I stared at him without reservation, wondering what would come next.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I couldn’t process sorry. Was he sorry for kissing me? Why had he done it then? Was it because I was his secretary? Or because he saw Jonas hitting on me? Was it because I had been too familiar with him in the restaurant and out on the street? Had I somehow crossed a line I wasn’t supposed to cross?
He walked away, back to his car. I followed him with my eyes, my feet unresponsive. It looked like he was about to drive off. How could he kiss me like that, with all the pent-up passion of a shipwrecked sailor and then just drive away as if nothing happened? I opened my mouth to demand an explanation but shut it half a second later. I didn’t know what the hell to say. Or feel.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll see you on Monday.”
I stood in shock as he climbed behind the wheel and sped away. My feet came unglued finally when his car disappeared. I cursed out loud, getting into my car and slamming the door. After a moment, I began to laugh. There were worse things than being kissed by a generous, attractive man. He might very well have crossed a line, but it took two to tango.
Chapter 17
Nate
I drove home with the pedal to the floor. The whole time I was thinking what an idiot I was. There would have to be damage control. She couldn’t think that I would risk her job and my reputation just for one kiss. She also couldn’t think that I would take it any further. I was in control of myself, dammit. I didn’t act without thinking and I didn’t allow myself to get carried away.
It was a fluke. I had been thinking about her with Jonas and I became possessive. I wondered what it would be like to taste her and I satisfied my curiosity. Now I knew, so I didn’t have to do it again.
It didn’t help that everyone in my life seemed to be pushing us together. Mom, Dad, even Peter, were all making suggestions that I should become involved with Ava as more than just coworkers. Although I didn’t value any of those opinions, all for different reasons, it became like a cacophony of voices all clamoring for the same thing.
I didn’t want to be unprofessional. I didn’t want to make a move on my secretary. I just didn’t want her to date anyone else. Was that so unreasonable? I would agree to keep my hands to myself if she would agree to remain celibate for the rest of her life. It sounded like a fair trade off to me.
As soon as I got home, I hit the gym. Punching the bag, I scored higher than I ever had before. I guess I had some aggression I needed to get out. It wasn’t working, however. By the end of the session, I still had the same knot in my chest and the same dangerous energy running through my veins.
I decided to call one of my hook ups and get my resolution that way. I invited Tracy over to my place and she showed up. It was fun and it took the edge off, but I found myself still thinking about Ava. I didn’t invite Tracy to spend the night and she took the hint. Afterwards, I felt even worse.
How could I keep all these girls on the line without committing to any one of them? I was more like my father than I cared to admit. Going to bed that night, I wondered if I would ever get some relief. I knew exactly what I needed to do and I wasn’t interested in doing it. I had to have Ava. But she was off the table. I couldn’t risk the fallout.
Drifting off to sleep, I remembered her reaction to my kiss. She was surprised, but more than willing. I tried to forget about it, but knew I never would. Come Monday, I would have to broach the subject. That wasn’t a conversation I was looking forward to.
###
The rest of the weekend passed quickly. I went to the club to play some golf. I stopped by my mother’s apartment to see how she was doing with the project I had given her. I dodged my father’s phone calls, and I put Jonas off again.
I answered some emails and worked out in my home gym. I went for a jog in a city famous for its runners. While I've never competed in a marathon, that didn’t make me a slouch. I drove by Ava’s place, just by accident on Saturday afternoon and wondered how she was doing.
By Monday, I was itching for another flirtatious conversation. It wasn’t fair. The woman who was fast becoming something slightly more than my employee was the one person I couldn’t take advantage of. I had to think about things from her perspective. She couldn’t afford to anger me since I was paying her. She also relied on me for her housing and her wardrobe, although not directly.
I got into work early, before she clocked in, and ordered breakfast for the two of us. She showed up right on time, as usual, and came into my office to partake of the food. I tried to psyche myself up to have the conversation.
Ava, I would say.We have to talk.
She might respond with something casual like,I had a great time on Friday night.
To which, I would answer,We can’t ever do that again.
But for some reason, the words got caught in my throat. The conversation went naturally to what was on the agenda for the day. I had a few meetings, as usual. I planned to walk around the building and check up on my employees. Beyond that, the quarterly reports were due to the stockholders and I had to sign off on them.
