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“I’m so glad we got to do this!” Gabby squealed as the waitress took our order. I agreed. It has been a long time since we had time for just the two of us besides casual conversation.
Gabby had a tough week at the café but finally hired two new people to help in the mornings. She preferred being the only one there most of the morning, but word about her food had spread, so she couldn’t handle it alone anymore. I was excited for her. She would be less tired and wouldn’t have to wake up ridiculously early anymore to compensate for the lack of help.
“So, what did you and Nathaniel do last night?” I asked her. “He told me you guys were doing something special.”
“He took me to dinner at Flemings,” she blushed. “You were right after Richard took you. It was delicious! Then, we went for a nice long walk along The Boardwalk. We sat on one of the benches, watched the water, and just talked. It was really lovely.”
“And…?”
There had to be more to the story. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be stifling her smile as much.
“He told me he loves me.”
“He tells you that all the time.”
“But it was a little further this time.”
I gave her a puzzled look.
“He told me he wants to make us official. Like for real. Like meet the parents and announce it on Facebook official. He asked me to move in with him and told me he wants to get married.”
I almost spit out my water and chose to choke to avoid drenching Gabby. Nathaniel had told me all those things about Gabby a million times before, but I had doubts that he would actually tell her before she said those things to him.
“What did you tell him?”
She sighed. Oh, no.
“Gabby, what did you tell him!?”
Nathaniel was not an emotional guy with most people, but Gabby was different for him. Even then, I can’t imagine that finally articulating his thoughts to her was easy.
“That I loved him. That I was sure about him, but that I needed a night to sleep on it.”
“What?! Gabby!” I stared at her in utter disbelief. “Is that not what you want?”
“Of course!”
“Then why are you keeping him waiting?”
“I’m just scared, okay? I’m scared that if anything about us changes, things will start to fall apart, and I’ll be left alone again. Totally and utterly heartbroken. I’m scared that things will change too much if we move in together and get married. I don’t want things to change.”
She sighed and took a large gulp of water.
“I’ve always been able to see color, Blake, so I can’t be sure that I’m making the right decision, which makes it more difficult. My choices in the past have always been bad, and I’ve ended up devastated. I mean, you remember what happened with Jackson. I didn’t get out of bed for weeks after we broke up. I couldn’t trust my feelings to steer me in the right direction back then. What if I can’t trust my feelings now?”
Finally, I understood why Gabby preached that she wasn’t ready to settle down.
A handful of years ago, she had been very close to marrying her scum of an ex-boyfriend. Everything was perfect until they moved in together. Then, things started to fall apart. After they broke up, I did my best to comfort her from a distance and even visited her once, but she was completely heartbroken. Before Nathaniel came along, she had refused to entertain another relationship with anyone.
I assumed that some of her hesitancy came from the assumption that Jackson changed after they moved in together. She was scared that disturbing the status quo would ruin what she loved the most.
“Things will always be changing, Gabs. Whether you want them to or not, they will. I couldn’t see color even when I thought I was deeply in love, so I can’t speak much about color being able to steer you in the right direction. But what I can tell you is what I do see. I see that you love Nathaniel more than anything, and he loves you the same. I know he will wait forever for you to be ready, Gabby. If you’re not ready, he won’t push you. But I don’t think it’s fair to either of you to be in this limbo when you’re perfect for each other.”
“How can you be sure? I’ve had people tell me they love me before, and then they leave.”
“I can’t, but part of love is trust. You need to trust that Nathaniel will always be there for you. I know that can be hard, but it’s the truth. Look at how much has changed over the last two years. You used to have a different date every night and maintained that you would never date anyone exclusively again. When we were still in California, Nathaniel was adamant that he would never marry or settle down with just one person. It was as if, independently, both of you had given up on committed relationships and were determined to never end up in this situation. Then, you met. You have had eyes for no one else. His eyes light up when you walk into a room. You sleep better with him. You accept each other for your faults. If what you and Nathaniel have isn’t what love is supposed to be, then I’m confident love doesn’t exist.”
“I mean, I see your point…”
