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“I didn’t, no. Richard had the idea. Erik and Lainee helped him pull it off.”
“And no one tried to talk them out of it?”
“I tried,” Nathaniel raised his hand. “So did Gabby, and so did Parker.”
Parker had asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday a few days ago. He had some ideas of things I would like, but he stopped asking when I told him about my ritual and its reason. I appreciated it.
“Parker saying anything about you did not go over well with either of them,” Nathaniel scoffed. “So, here we are.”
It was too late to walk away. Everyone was already in the room, and I didn’t want to disappoint or upset them. As uncomfortable as I felt, I walked into the room full of smiling faces.
“Happy birthday!” everyone yelled in unison.
I forced a smile and hoped my eyes didn’t betray my discomfort. Greeting people was hard when you had to lie about how you felt. I tried to employ the same strategy as I often did at work and hid my feelings in a box deep inside.
The room was set up with multiple tables to accommodate everyone and had a small bar in the corner. Everyone from work was standing around chatting, even Connor and his family. Gabby invited a few friends from college that I hadn’t seen in a long time. Mason was already chatting up the bartender.
“What do you think?” Richard walked up to me. He brushed his fingertips across my back before stepping back from me. A small gesture that said a lot.
His eyes pleaded for a kind of approval I couldn’t truthfully give him. He had also asked a couple of weeks ago what my plans for my birthday were, and I had told him. I made it clear that I don’t celebrate my birthday, so I was confused as to why he thought this would be a good idea.
“This is kind of you,” I smiled. I turned to the rest of the room.
Erik stood by the gift table, organizing the bags around. Deja-vu. I looked at him and saw thirteen-year-old Erik. On that day, he wore polka-dotted swimming trunks and stood at the edge of the gift table, much like he was doing now, as I put down my aunt’s present. His dark eyes had been wide that day, but today, there was no trace of that memory in his mind. Even though he was the person who had seen me through my first panic attack that day. As well as he claimed to know me, he had disregarded one of the most hurtful memories of my childhood.
He had forgotten.
The speckles of blue throughout the room drew my attention, bringing a silver lining to the situation. The margarita glasses had a blue rim. I never would have guessed that. Connor and Mason had blue eyes, although they were different shades. The tables had scattered blue tiles with designs on them.
With every happy birthday wish, I felt more and more uncomfortable. More alone in a room filled with people. I hoped I was good at concealing my feelings, but given Gabby’s constant reminders to smile, I doubted it. Finally, I got to Amelia and her team. She hugged me and reiterated that she didn’t even know my birthday was coming up. I rarely told anyone about it.
I turned to Parker. His eyes were apologetic but had a newfound beauty to them. They were light. The color of the sky. The color of our blanket from earlier.
Parker had blue eyes.
He quickly excused himself to talk to Nathaniel, and I chatted with Amelia and Amanda about football season. Well…they did most of the talking while I tried to learn. Parker talked about football a lot, and I never understood what was so captivating about it. As much as it confused me, it was one of his favorite things. He wouldn’t be around to explain it, but maybe one day, I would understand his fascination with it.
Nathaniel tried to talk Richard out of making a big fuzz with presents. I tried not to overhear their conversation, but they weren’t hiding it well. I was trying not to be ungrateful, but this was not me. It had been fifteen years since I had celebrated, and I was ready to go home.
“Richard, you have no respect for me, and I have no respect for you,” Nathaniel almost growled. “I tried to talk you out of this. Blake hates her birthday, but she likes you for some weird reason. If you try to get her to make a big deal about presents, I promise she will walk out of here.”
“You’re right. I don’t respect you.”
“I don’t give a shit how you feel about me, but Blake is like a little sister to me, and I will protect her. I haven’t told her about what you did, but if you insist on the gift thing, I will walk her out here myself.”
“She doesn’t know?”
“No. It’s not my story to tell.”
What didn’t I know?
At the end of the party, everyone seemed happy enough. Richard asked me to hang behind for a minute. Gabby enlisted Nathaniel and Parker to carry presents back to the apartment and loaded their arms.
I had to assure them I was fine before they would leave. The conversation I had overheard made me uneasy. I always figured that Gabby didn’t like Richard for a random reason and that Nathaniel didn’t like him because Gabby didn’t like him. It bothered me that there was more than that.
Richard walked up to me with a smile.
“I have something for you,” he pulled out a small box from his pocket.
