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Chapter Twenty-Seven
Monday midday.
Nineteen days left.
I slammed the front door so hard that the framed caricature of Gabby and I fell to the ground. I collapsed against the door, and a series of expletives escaped my mouth at full volume as my back ran down the door. My sobs echoed on the cold hardwood floor. Smudges of mascara covered my hands and cheeks.
With my back pressed to the ground, I let myself feel the emotions. I allowed the heartbreak to tear me apart again. I screamed and shouted, the misery shuddering my entire body. Once I had shattered, I could put myself back together.
My phone rang repeatedly with calls from Nathaniel and Parker. I didn’t answer. Once I moved to the couch, I took a peek at my text messages.
Gabby:Nathaniel called and told me what happened. Say the word if you need me.
Me:I’m fine. I just need to be alone.
Gabby:I’ll stay with Nathaniel tonight. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.
Me:Thank you.
I smiled at my kind best friend and reveled in the silence until Parker’s latest message came through.
Parker:At least tell me you made it to the apartment, princess.
Me:I’m home.
I turned my phone off. I changed into an oversized t-shirt, pulled my hair up, and glued my butt to the couch. No matter how hard I tried, the interaction replayed in my head like a scratched CD.
I wanted to be angry at Parker, but I wasn’t blameless. I should have backed away. I should have objected when he ran his fingers through my hair. But I didn’t. I encouraged it, and now, I was sitting here, feeling the heartbreak I had felt as I drove to Virginia three years ago.
Around seven, someone knocked on my door. I dragged my feet to open it, not knowing who would be on the other side. My phone had been off all day.
I opened it to see Parker holding my purse and a bouquet of flowers. There were blue daisies in his hands, mixed in with what I assumed were other colors. His bright blue eyes were dimmed. He looked at me with a mixture of sadness and pity. I hated the look of pity.
“I could have just gotten my stuff tomorrow,” I grabbed it from him and threw it on the island.
“I wanted to check on you,” he walked in behind me. “I got concerned when I didn’t hear from you all afternoon.”
“My phone is off,” I collapsed on the couch.
“I noticed when I called, and it went straight to voicemail.”
He slowly walked to the couch and kneeled in front of me. He cupped my face with his hands. I hadn’t cleaned off my mascara yet after I had done several rounds of crying. My arms stayed on my side, and I didn’t meet his warm hands. “I broke one of your rules, so I came to beg for forgiveness on my knees. Apparently, quite literally. This whole thing is my fault, and I don’t like it when you’re angry at me.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t exactly blameless when I grabbed your hand. I have no right to be mad at you for something I let happen too. You were comforting me. It just feels like I’ve broken up with Erik all over again, and we weren’t even together. Plus, you brought me daisies, so how could I be mad at you? They’re my favorite. I just wish I could see what colors they are.”
He pulled me into his chest, and his scent took over me. He was still wearing work clothes, so there was a black smudge on his shirt when I pulled away. The shirt highlighted his eyes. I could stare at them forever, but I only had days to memorize every shade of blue they could be.
“Have you had dinner yet?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“When was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday. I think. Nathaniel was bringing me breakfast from Gabby’s. I know…I know…I’m sorry.”
