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He was gone.
Gabby walked out of her bedroom. I gulped down the rest of my coffee and reached for a fourth. She looked at me, horrified that I was standing in our kitchen. Her palm went to her forehead, creating a loud smacking sound, and she let out a frustrated groan.
“What are you doing here!?” she almost screamed.
“What do you mean? Drinking coffee? Evaluating all of my life decisions?”
“Why aren’t you with Parker?!” she stood across from me. I looked at her in confusion. Her face morphed from shock to horror. “Oh…my… goodness. Blake!”
“Is she still here?!” Nathaniel called out, hurrying out of Gabby’s room. He sloppily closed his robe, hiding his heart-covered boxers.
“Yeah!”
“Do you guys know something that I don’t?!”
“Let me put it this way,” Gabby paced in front of me. “A man, who is gorgeous and perfect for you in every single way, comes and professes his love to you, and you just let him walk away?!”
“What was I supposed to do?” I asked, knowing what her answer would be.
“Ask him to stay?! I don’t know! Go with him! Literally, anything else except go to bed and let him walk out of the apartment.”
“Gabby, it’s not like that. We were never supposed to end up together, remember? It was all temporary.”
“You also didn’t expect to fall in love with him, but then you did!” she yelled at me. “Yes, this started as some pact with a virtual stranger to go sightseeing and explore the city you live in, but Blake, it’s so much more than that. You fell in love with the man!”
“Yes, Gabby, I know! So what?!” my voice broke. Tears started pooling in my eyes again. I thought I had a handle on it after crying all night, but apparently, my emotions and eyes had a mind of their own. “I don’t live in a fantasy world! I don’t live in a romance movie! Love is not enough! I have my job here, and I’ve always put my career first. He puts his career first. We live in different cities. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had the best few months of my life. It doesn’t matter that I fell in love with him. It doesn’t matter because he's already boarded that plane. What am I supposed to do, Gabby?”
The daisies that Parker brought were dying. Petals dropped every time I slammed my hands on the counter. I would never get to see what color they were. I was stuck with just blue for the rest of my life, but I had made my bed. Now, I had to lie on it.
The room was starting to spin under my feet. I slowly collapsed on the floor against the kitchen cabinets and buried my face in my hands. I sobbed loudly. “What am I supposed to do, Gabby?”
A burly presence sat next to me, followed by a much more delicate figure in front of me. Nathaniel threw his arm around me, and I leaned into him, sobbing.
“Blake,” his voice was soft. “We know each other well, right? We probably know more about each other than we should.”
I nodded.
“Honesty moment. Do you trust me?”
“Almost more than anyone.”
“Then hear me when I tell you this,” he sighed. “I’ve seen a side of you over the last few months I hadn’t seen in a long time. Since we left California. Maybe even ever. You’ve always been incredible at your job and fun to spend time with, but I had never seen you allow yourself to fully enjoy life outside of work after Erik. Parker helped you do that. He got you out of the office, and you were relaxed. You were happy. He tapped into a part of the old Blake that was hidden, afraid. When you came into work each morning, you were in such a great mood that it radiated to everyone else. It showed in your work. You’ve had some of your best ideas while not working yourself to the bone. I knew you when you were with Erik, and I know you now, and I can confidently tell you that Parker brought out a different Blake. A Blake who finally found a little bit of balance in her unbalanced world. A little bit of light and a little bit of color. He loves you, Blake, and you love him. Take it from me, don’t wait to tell the person you love how much you love them.”
He looked at Gabby. She crouched in front of me.
“Blake,” her voice was kind. “I know you love Capital Media. I mean, how could you not after everything you’ve given to it? But there are similar jobs out there. I know you don’t want to think it, but you can be incredibly successful elsewhere. There are other things that you can do for other companies, but there isn’t another Parker. He makes you so happy, Blake. Please, for once in your life, choose to be happy.”
The tears in my eyes blurred her face. My brain worked overtime to compensate for the hindrance my heart was causing. The montage of the last few months played in my head, just like it had last night when I stared at my ceiling. I imagined every ending possible, but I only looked forward to one. And it wasn’t the one I had chosen.
I thought I had been happy with Erik, but if the last three months had taught me anything was that I wasn’t as happy as I could have been. He had been my rock at one time, but he had been sinking me.
I thought I could be happy with Richard, but that had also blown up in my face. There was only so much steak and fancy wine that I could stand. He had been stable but boring. And, it turns out, a calmer version of Erik.
I looked between Gabby and Nathaniel. They looked at me with sad smiles and hopeful eyes. After watching them for two years and silently wishing for a sliver of what they had, I finally had that opportunity. And I had let it go.
Parker’s face flashed in my mind, and all my senses were overwhelmed.
The picture of the strange but handsome man at the gym, with sweaty hair struggling with the lockers, brought a sad laugh out of me. The memory of feeling his hands on me as he carried me up the rock to face my fears and how he held my hand as we jumped sent shivers through me. The sound of the pounding music when we glided through the dance floor and of his confident voice booming across the conference room rang in my ears. The smell of the food I had grown accustomed to him cooking in my kitchen opened the pit in my stomach.
