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No matter how angry I am at him, there is no world in which I allow my baby to pay for my mistakes.
What kind of father would he be? Protective. That's for sure. Bossy. That's a given. Will he expect our child to become part of the Hades Brotherhood, or marry to be advantageous to it?
One thing is certain. I may no longer be part of the Cosa Nostra, but I was raised in it. And I'm not afraid to raise my child adjacent to Atlas's life as part of the Hades Brotherhood.
I am terrified of what that means for me though. Will Atlas insist on marriage, if only for name's sake? He's Greek mafia. In the Cosa Nostra, certain old fashioned ideas are still rife.
If my father knew about my pregnancy, he would give Atlas two choices. Death, or marriage.
A shiver skates up my spine at the thought of my father and Atlas meeting. How would that even work? Do I call my parents and say, "Ta da, I'm alive?"
Questions whirl through my brain, one after the other until I start feeling sick again.
"Why aren't you inside the SUV?" Atlas demands.
I look at him. "What if I'm pregnant?"
"Then we will be parents."
"You make it sound so easy." For him, it probably is. "You don't have to carry new life inside your body." And worry if that life will survive to be born.
"I will worry about both you and the baby until you give birth safely. But I will protect you both with my life."
That's like a pathological thing with him. He sees protection money as an investment, not merely a payment for doing business in a syndicate's territory. My dad has the same attitude.
Papà says the mafia provides a service for what they charge theirclients. Does Atlas see Nuovi Inizi as a client, or a cash cow?
It doesn't matter now, I remind myself. Because as of tomorrow, I will no longer own it. And in thirty days my obligation to the club and its employees will be finished.
Grief should be weighing me down, a sense of loss. I worked hard to build Nuovi Inizi into what it is, pouring my time and energy into it to the extent I have no life outside of the club. Not before Atlas anyway.
But I never wanted to own a nightclub. If I could have made enough money to support both Lenny and me with an office job and no crowds, I would have.
Opening Nuovi Inizi was the only legitimate way I knew to make enough money to pay for Lenny's care. Now, Zeus is responsible for the financial part of it.
Unexpected relief washes over me.
I'm not alone taking care of Lenny anymore, even if my partners in it are unwilling.
I will continue to personally oversee my brother-in-law's wellbeing. He's my family even if he doesn't want to see me. For whatever reason, being around me riles Lenny up. The doctors think it is wrapped up in the loss of my baby.
At first, that hurt. I gave up the life I knew and the rest of my family to protect Lenny. To keep my promise to my dead husband, if in a way he would not have expected or necessarily condoned.
But starting Nuovi Inizi took all my time and energy and being discouraged from visiting Lenny took away the guilt of not being able to.
I get weekly emails with pictures and a daily diary of his care and commentary about his mood, health and interactions. I make unscheduled visits to the facility every few months to check on my brother-in-law in person. Though he does not see me.
"Zeus won't tell Don Russo about Lenny, will he?" I ask Atlas as he opens the passenger door for me.
"No."
"You're sure?" My hand hurts and I don't want to use it. So, I sit back and allow Atlas to buckle my seatbelt like he usually does, doing my best not to breathe in his masculine scent. "He sounded like he might."
"He won't."
"Why are you so certain?" I expect Atlas to say because he knows his brother, or something.
What he actually says is, "I told Zeus I would kill him if he upset you by doing that."
