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And then he smiles and the fear sending icicles along my nerve endings evaporates like the mist.
"You could be pregnant with my baby." He doesn't sound angry, or even worried.
If I didn't know it to be impossible, I would say he sounds pleased by the prospect.
"You're not upset about that?"
"I am not."
"Most men would be." I think. Not like I have a ton of experience dating.
He shrugs. "I am not most men."
"I guess I'm not most women either."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm not upset by the idea of having a baby, even though I'm not in a committed relationship and I've only recently managed to get my life to a place where I have breathing room." I've always wanted to be a mom.
But I thought that dream died with my husband. Now, I realize I can fight for it, like I fight daily for my independence and the ability to take care of Lenny.
"I'm not looking for you to play daddy, or anything. If you hate the idea of your progeny out in the world, I'll take Plan B." Now that I know what I want, I can save up for a trip to the sperm bank.
Why not?
"No," he says forcefully. "No morning after pill. If you carry my child, we will work it out together. Family means everything to me, my brothers and cousins."
"Not your parents?" I ask.
"No." His tone doesn't invite further discussion.
I can't help wondering why his parents are excluded. This thing between us is too new to press for answers though.
Regardless of how much of his family he included in the sentiment, it is not a foreign concept to me. It is a familiar refrain in the mafia. I guess it's not so surprising that normal people feel that way too.
So, I nod. "Okay. We'll work it out together."
It's not a promise of a future together, but an understanding that we are both responsible for the life that could be growing inside me. We're both culpable for forgoing the condom and we have both agreed that I won't take the morning after pill.
Against all odds, and knowing what a long shot it truly is, I can't help hoping I'm pregnant.
Chapter 7
ATLAS
After dropping Lucia off at Nuovi Inizi, I drive home.
I need fresh clothes and Zeus wants an update. After showering and dressing in my usual suit, I find him in his office.
"What did the computer do to you?" I ask.
Zeus shifts his glare from the laptop screen to me. "Nice of you to finally show up."
"I wasn't aware I was expected,anax." I emphasize his title.
The head ofÁdis Adelfótitahere in Portland, Zeus is my oldest brother. I respect him, but I'm nobody's lapdog. The ability to bend knee was tortured out of me when I was ten years old, and the Golubev Bratva kidnapped me.
Zeus leans back in his chair. "You never spend the night with women."
