Page 13 of Poems He Wrote

Ronan

-Now-

“You should be ashamed of yourself, Ronan,” my mother says bitterly, not like she knows any other way to say things. “I’ve been married for two years, and you still haven’t met my family.”

“I thought I was your family too, mom.” I bite back, my stomach churning. The nerve she has.

“You know what I mean, young lady. You need to come today. I know you are in town - Corey told me.”

“Where did you find him?” I ask, my blood boiling. This woman knows no privacy whatsoever.

“I called, he picked up. Simple as that,” she chuckles. “You know he has to answer every single time I call.”

“I can’t believe you. I told you I am not ready to meet them, mom. I just… Please don’t do this to me.” I beg as if my life depends on it, my voice breaking on the last word.

“Ronan, I don’t give a shit if you are ready or not. You are making me look bad, not that I expected something else, you are your father’s daughter, after all.” she spits. “Tiana has had a goddamn baby, and you don’t even knowHER. You have two hours to get ready and come here, or I swear to God, I’m done with your tantrums and depressive episodes.”

My eyes are full of tears as I listen to her spiteful words. How is this woman my mother? How is she a mother at all?

“Okay, mom. I’ll be there in two hours.” The guilt is eating at me. I wish I could build a wall around my heart when it comes to her. I wish I could block her out and protect this little shred of a soul I have left.

“And cover your goddamn tattoos. I don’t need my child walking around looking like a coloring book.” Christine adds.

“Mom, please…” I can’t stifle my cries.

“Do not mom me. I sure hope you didn’t put on any more weight in these two years you’ve been avoiding me. You have our address.” She clicks off the call, leaving me in tears.

My palms immediately grab my belly, as if trying to protect it. She knows what I’ve been through with food, yet she always does this. She’s acting like my body is her sole source of shame, from the way I look, to the ink on my skin.

This woman hates my guts, but sweet baby Jesus… This is just way too much. And I never avoided her vicious ass, I avoidedhim. He probably didn’t connect the dots since my mother has no photos of me. She says once I’m skinny enough, she’ll take them. That’s a movie we won’t be watching any time soon. Preferably ever. Last time I was as skinny as she wanted me to be, I almost ended up hospitalized with a tube down my throat.

The motions of Noah being next to me, and in me, never left my brain. Every time I see a man with gorgeous long hair, I turn around, hoping it’s him. I wish I could pretend I didn't know who he was for just one more time. I would give anything for it. To taste his lips once again, to tangle my fingers into the long dark strands in the back of his neck… To slide my tongue over the word I tattooed on him. I hope he didn’t cover it up. I sure didn’t. I always make sure it’s in my line of sight. It keeps me grounded. It gives me this fake sense of security when the world around me turns to shit.

For the first time ever I like a guy who actually likes me back. And then I turn around and find out he is the guy whose father my vile mother decided to marry? Fuck this whole situation.

***

“WhyTHE FUCKdid you tell my mother I moved to Oaks Creek?” I scream at Corey. He should know better, being thirty two and all.

“Oh, that’s not the only thing I told her…” He sounds like a child caught munching on the sweets before dinner.

“What else did you say?” My breath is hitching. If he told my mom about Noah, I’m not going to make it to lunch. I'll be in prison on attempted murder charges.

“I told her you moved there for good,” he breathes. “Listen, I didn’t have a choice. She threatened to put me in jail and close up my studio… And you know how she gets… Once her Karen moods strike.”

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.” I interrupt him “Can she do that though? You sold pot years ago, what proof does she have?” I look down at my hands, regret coating my senses, “And thank you for keeping my secret this long. I know your studio is your baby. I will never let her take that away from you.”

“I just panicked. She is a full blown bitch, I’ve seen her shut businesses down before… And you know damn well that’s not the only drug I sold.” he sighs. “So, are you going?”

“I am, actually. The wicked witch guilt tripped me. No tattoos and stuff, you know the drill.”

“Why am I not surprised? Are you going to cover up?”

“Fuck no! I’m putting them on full display!” I scream at the phone, highly offended. “Who do you take me for?”

I hear the doorbell on the other side of the line, as I open my wardrobe.

“Is that a customer?”

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