Page 42 of Poems He Wrote


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She enters their bedroom and closes the door behind her.

Marko makes us some fruity tea, and we sit in silence for some time. Both Noah and I hear sniffles, but we don’t dare turn to look at him. I don’t know who would be the first one to break. His hands are shaking as he squeezes the phone. Jensen’s name lights up the screen, as if he knew something was going on.

“I am so sorry, son,” Marko answers, “I am so sorry I didn’t see.”

His face falls, and a cry rings out of his chest. His heart is breaking for his boy. And my heart is breaking alongside his.

“I love you too, Jen. I wish you would’ve told me,” he says quietly. “I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Please, come home as soon as you can. She’ll be long gone.”

They say their goodbyes and Marko grabs his tea cup once more. His shoulders seem to be a touch more relaxed, as if just hearing Jensen’s voice and knowing he is alright erased the anger. Silence falls over us once again, and stays for a long minute, as we wait for Christine to pack her bags.

Noah is holding my hand tightly, our fingers intertwined, but I only register it once I notice Marko staring at our tattoos that are facing away from each other. I pull my hand out of Noah’s and his dad smiles, shaking his head.

“It means ‘my love’ in our language, did he tell you that?” Marko says softly.

“Didwhotell me?” I try to mask my shame, lowering my gaze.

“Noah. He has the same one. It means ‘my love’ in Serbian. He’s had it for a while.” Marko says, pointing at his son’s wrist. “I saw yours the first time you came here.”

“I didn’t know that.” I say, hiding my eyes, but my heart blooms with somuch warmth I think it might set me on fire from the inside-out.My love... Noah called me that since the moment he saw me. He felt it.

“I didn’t tell her when I did it.” Noah says softly at the same time.

“So Iwasright,” Marko chuckles. “I told Jensen something was going on, but he said I was a delusional old man. I know young love when I see it, and oh boy, did I see it in the two of you.”

My cheeks blush, but I smile at his words. He is not mad at us. He looks happy.

“I’m glad you kids found a way to each other, and I hope you have better luck in this stuff than me.” He waves his hand in front of his face.

A loud bang steals our attention. My mother walks madly down the hall, dragging two suitcases behind her.

“I hope you rot in hell for ruining everything for me,” she says to me, then turns to Marko, “I will sign your fucking papers, I don’t need your poor Balkan ass in my life.”

He chuckles painfully, but doesn’t say anything. He just stands up, walks to the front door, and opens it for her. She leaves, and he slams the door back closed as soon as her foot is out.

“You might want to call Tiana, you know, just to let her know you are getting divorced.” Noah says, and we all laugh.

“And I should probably send those few photos to my dad.” I say, taking my phone out of my pocket to pick a few, but Noah takes the phone from my hand, turns the camera on and snaps a pic of the three of us together. He smiles gently at me, and hands the phone back. Even though I just went through hours of crying and fighting, I look at peace. I finally look at peace, and that's the first photo in a bundle of 20 that I decide to send.

18

Sad girl - Lana del Rey

Ronan

Days go by so quickly. It’s been a week since I confronted my mother, and I honestly haven’t had a good night's sleep since then. Yes, I finally know what happened. Yes, I have a father figure in my life again, or you could say two, since Marko is also fulfilling that role, but I feel like my world is about to crumble any second.

I see her in my dreams. I am a kid again. She screams and screams and screams at me, and it never stops, but I can’t scream back at her. My lips seem glued shut. The tears run down my face and I choke on sobs. The feeling of not being able to take a full breath is sometimes so real that it wakes me up and I can’t seem to gulp enough air down.

A few of those nights Noah was by my side, comforting me, wiping sweat off of my face, holding me while I hyperventilated. And I am truly grateful for it, but still, I can’t look him in the eye knowing that those are not the worst of my nightmares.

His face is.

His face when he finally finds out that I’ve known. His broken eyes, his raspy voice as he says ‘how could you’.

Unlike the dream that my mother inhabits, the dream about Noah haunts me also when I am fully awake. Every time he smiles at me, every time he gently kisses me, every time he holds me close. I feel like I repeatedly hurt him by hiding the truth. But the thing is, I feel like telling him would hurt him way, way more.

Work, on the other hand, is simply amazing. I run this shelter like I was born to do it. We don’t have an official name yet, we just go by ‘shelter for everyone’. Being surrounded by animals calms me down. I always have a kitten in my lap whilst I’m doing paperwork. We haven’t had that many puppies lately, but I absolutely adore their company too. They come and go quickly. I guess people like dogs more.

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