AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Every time you look at the sunset… you remember this feeling between us right now.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, making sure that I save this moment to my memories, inhaling the suncream and salt on our skin, remembering the lollipop sunshine as it bobs on the horizon, the way the wind dances around us like magic, softly singing to the beat of our hearts. Because this is what it’s like to be young and in love and I never want to forget.
“Always.” I turn my head to rub our noses together. Admiring the way the sun is glowing onto his face, then I softly kiss the tip of his nose and we sit together watching the last of the sun's rays disappear into the horizon.
The truth is, thisisperfect. He is perfect. Even my giant pink unicorn toy is fucking perfect. And I can’t help but feel like this kind of perfect can’t last forever.
Breaking the spell around us, my phone buzzes in my bag, and I see Nora’s face light up my screen.
“Hey, Nor.”
6
Jessica
One month later
“Idon’twanttoleave.” I sigh, looking at Liam’s face.
He’s so handsome. His perfectly messy brown hair, and big doe, autumn-coloured eyes that always make my knees go weak look just as sad as I feel, making all of this so much harder. His usual confident shoulders are slumped forwards, leaning into me.
This officially isn’t fair.
“I know, but we can still talk every day and I can visit when my parents let me.” He holds me close to his chest and my body sinks into him, like it always does.
I draw in a breath so deep it starts at my toes, squashing my fears of losing him, and I focus on us right now. I hate the thought of leaving him, but I really don’t have a choice.
After that day at the beach, my whole world changed. My worst fears came to light; my Uncle Cam called in to see Mum and found her passed out in the bathroom from an overdose. The pills that I’ve found in the house were regular, prescribed, strong pain killers, but Cam said that wasn’t the only thing she was taking, and I didn’t ask any more because, deep down, I knew.
It’s hard not to blame myself. The guilt eats away at me and sleeping peacefully has become a thing of the past now. I should’ve talked to Cam more about everything. I shouldn’t have been so far away the day it happened. I should’ve been there to stop her. Not that anything I’ve done has worked before. I naively thought I might have been the one to help her quit. I thought thatImight’ve been a good enough reason for her to stop.
Nausea washes over me at the thought that I couldn’t help my own mum. I tried to involve Cam in the beginning when I noticed things, but that made her angrier, so I stopped telling them everything. What a load of good that did; she’s not here. I’ve lost her, anyway.
His wife, Harriet, found a rehab centre just outside of London, that she was meant to stay at for a month or so, but in the second week, she checked herself out and now we don’t know where she is. Her phone is disconnected. She left me.
Since that day, I’ve been living with my uncle and aunt, Cam and Harriett, Nora’s parents. I’m grateful for them taking care of me and that I have Nora. I’m not sure how many times she’s slept in my bed with me whilst I cried—too many to count.
Their house isn’t far from mine, only two streets apart. I grew up spending most of my time there when we were younger, when my mum would be working late. Their house feels like home. Or it did until it actually became my home. Now it feels like a place I’m living in but where I can’t settle. I’m just here, waiting for my mum to come back.
God, I wish my mum could take care of herself. I wish so many things were different right now. I wish I had more than one parent; I wish I wasn’t upending my uncle’s life; I wish that I wasn’t leaving. I wish she fucking chose me and not her addiction.
But I know wishing isn’t enough anymore.
It’s a childish notion that I need to forget about.
So, today we are moving out of London. Harriett says the reason for us moving two hours away is for a job at an art studio she’s been offered in Kent that she can’t refuse, but I can’t help but feel the timing is very convenient given everything that’s happened.
My eyes fill with unshed tears.
“Don’t be sad, Jess. I hate to see you cry.”
Liam wraps his arms around me again, silencing the tears that I can’t stop from falling.
I want to cling to him, for him to never let me go, because the last thing I want is to leave the boy who has been my anchor since the moment he made me his. My ribcage aches from all the crying. My heart is howling at me to stop all this pain, but I can’t because it’s the only thing I can feel.
“I just… I don’t know how to leave you. No… it’s not even that. Everything in my body is screaming at me that I can’t leave. I don’t want to leave.” I choke on a sob.
He tips my head up so I’m forced to face him, finding his jaw set.
