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My head snaps over to his, eyes wide, as he continues to stare blankly out the window. “I’m sorry. Did you just say you were an alcoholic?” I ask, needing the words repeated.
He nods, flitting his dark stare over to me briefly. “I was. It started innocently at school parties, when me and your mother were young. Then somewhere between school and trying to build a life, I realised I couldn’t go a single day without a buzz. The kind of buzz that only alcohol could give me.” He shifts to face me, seriousness etching across his face. “We wanted a family, so your mother helped me. She took me to AA meetings. I got clean for her, for you. She was… is my rock and I wouldn’t be here without her.” Shame fills his voice. I’ve never heard him this way before, vulnerable. I had no idea.
My heart hammers against my ribcage as I try and accept this piece of information he’s suddenly divulging to me. Shaking my head, I push my brows together. “Dad, I don’t know what to say. Jesus, I’m sorry. I wish I knew,” I say honestly. “But wait, why are you telling me this right now? Does it have something to do with Claire?”
He swallows. “It does. She came to one of my meetings a few years ago, newly sober and I guess we became… allies in this world of temptation. And now, I’m her sponsor. I have been for the last three years. I wanted to offer her security to help keep her sober.”
I blink. And blink again. “Dad…” I say, running my hand down my face. I really wish I’d known more about this. I feel weirdly guilty that I didn’t know something so big about my dad.
“I have a responsibility to her as a sponsor and now as a boss. If I sense that she might spiral into addiction again, then I will prevent that. I think from what Claire’s told me, she isn’t ready to see Jess yet.”
I run my hands through my hair, “Fuck.” I mutter. I understand that, but I never expected it. “This makes everything… fuck.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Until you and Jess reconnected, it didn’t matter that I was her sponsor, but now it does, and I can’t let her down.”
I think for a second about how we got here and what went on at dinner recently. “So, at dinner, you weren’t being serious about me losing my job?”
His head hangs low, slumped between his shoulders. “I’m sorry I said those things. I wasn’t ready to tell you about my past and what loyalties I had to Claire, and I acted out. This company needs you, and I shouldn’t have made you feel any different.”
I let out a long breath, feeling relief but still so much confusion. “Dad… why didn’t you tell me?” Concern lacing my voice. “I feel like I should’ve been supporting you or doing… something.”
“That life was before you. It wasn’t exactly something I was proud of admitting, but I am proud that I’ve been sober since before you were born. Which is why I help people like Claire, too.”
“What do we do now?” I ask.
“I’ll talk to Claire again. We’ll figure it out, son.”
“Jess and I leave for Paris next week. I hate lying to her, Dad.”
“I know, I promise we’ll sort something, but you have to trust me.”
I nod stoically. My mind blank as I stare out of my office window as my dad thumps me on shoulder before he leaves.
My dad was an alcoholic, and now he’s Claire’s sponsor. What the hell is this alternate universe I’ve stumbled into? I try to rack my brain over the years, where my mum would have a glass of champagne or wine with dinner, and I can’t recall a time when I’ve seen him have a drink. Ever. It never crossed my mind as strange either because my whole life he’s never changed.
I think about Jess and how she might react when she finds out we’ve hired Claire, and my pulse picks up at the realisation that I have no idea how she’ll feel.
Grayson knocks on my door. My glass hangs loosely from my fingers as I focus on the swirl of the amber liquid, I poured it once my dad left, but in reality, I don’t want it, I’ve been nursing it for an hour, wondering about addiction and how it affects so many people so easily.
“Mate, bit early isn’t it?” He moves into my office, closing the door behind him. When we lock eyes, I know my expression is anything but friendly. I watch him frown at me. “I was going to see if you fancied getting dinner tonight, but the look on your face tells me you’d rather be alone.”
That gets a little laugh from me, but it’s empty. I place the glass on my desk, having never let the liquid touch my lips in the first place.
“This must be serious shit if you’ve got the booze out,” Grayson observes. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong, or are we going to sit and brood together?”
I sigh loudly as I rub my hands down my face.
“We hired Jess’ mother. They’ve not spoken for years. Claire doesn’t want Jess to know she works here, at least not yet, and my dad agreed he wouldn’t divulge that information to Jess. Of course, it never mattered until now. My dad doesn’t want me to say anything yet, and I didn’t understand at first, but maybe now… maybe I do. My head’s a mess.”
“Would she freak if you told her where her mum is?”
“I think she’ll freak if she finds out I haven’t told her something like this, but it’s complicated…” I pause, unsure how much my dad would want Grayson to know, considering he also works for us. “It hasn’t come up in conversation yet, so I maybe have some time, but I hate the thought of lying to her. Fuuuuuck.” I exhale loudly, feeling frustrated with myself for this situation.
“I’m sorry, mate. I wish I had the answer for you. Just see how things play out first with her mum and then hopefully things will work themselves out.”
“Thanks, man.” I check my watch realising the time. “Shit, I’ve gotta get to Jess’.”
“Can I come?” His eyes twinkle with mischief.
