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She sucks in a deep sigh; I watch her cheeks puff out the air before she speaks.
“Yes, and no. They don’t realise how often she gets like this. It just seems like she isn’t herself anymore and I can’t help her as much as I used to. She’s just so different since her accident.”
Jess lowers her head. The dim lighting in her bedroom means I can’t see much of her face, but I can tell she is worried. I can hear it in her voice. She fiddles with the string on her hoodie, methodically running her finger down the length of it and back up again, lost in her thoughts.
I remember how scared Jess was last year when she got a call from Cam telling her about her mum’s accident; how scared we all were. One of us losing a parent feels like all of us because of how close we are. Claire had a car accident that broke her lower back, and it took months of physical therapy for her to walk properly again—and plenty of support from Jess—and I know it’s taken its toll on her. I can see on a Monday morning if she’s had a rough weekend helping her mum; her eyes don’t sparkle and she’s quiet, which isn’t like Jess at all. But Jess isn’t telling me everything that’s going on. I know this because a few months ago, she stayed with Nora for a while but wouldn’t tell me why and now this. I want her to open up to me but I don’t want to push her either. So I take her mind off her mum for now.
“Well, I had a great time today with you. Even if the movie was awful.” I say.
The way she looks so small on my screen, her knees all tucked into her giant hoodie, makes me want to protect her and keep her safe from all this shit she’s feeling.
“It was not awful.” She smiles weakly, but I don’t buy it, so my eyebrow raises.
“It was the worst. I’m picking the movie next time.” I laugh and she responds by poking her tongue out at me.
We stare at each other for a while through the phone. Just being together. Absorbing everything that’s happened recently.
She shifts her body. “Get some sleep and take me for breakfast tomorrow, okay?”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away, Scotty… Night.”
4
Jessica
Liamissowarm;every single one of our limbs are tangled together as we sit on his sofa watching some reality tv show. We haven’t left each other’s side since he asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago.
Nora is losing interest in us, which is probably for the best. She isn’t jealous, but it’s an adjustment from being with us as friends to now seeing us holding hands and kissing when she's a plus one. I’ve been trying to set her up with the boy she sits next to in English—he is sweet and definitely likes Nora—and even though she won’t admit it, I know she likes him too.
Liam’s front door creaks open as his parents walk through, hand in hand.
“Hey, you two,” his mum sings.
“Hey Mum. Hey Dad.”
Liam waves a hand behind his head, not moving from our spot on the sofa. I look back and say hello too and catch his parents sharing a kiss after they have taken their coats off. It’s a small peck, but it’s one that shows so much love between them. I let my mind wander for a second with thoughts of what it was like for Liam growing up with two parents, let alone two fully functioning, caring parents who are still so in love.
Mine are none of those things.
I desperately try to ignore the pang of… envy that creeps into my subconscious as Liam’s mum walks into the lounge.
“You kids want anything to eat?” Her light eyes gleam as she walks towards us. They’re so similar to Liam’s, but that’s all they share. Looks wise. Liam is a carbon copy of his dad, even down to the scowl they both have.
“I’m good, Mrs Taylor, but I know Liam is always hungry, so I can’t answer for him,” I reply with a smile, forcing away any lingering negative feelings.
“Oh, Jess, please call me Erin.” She smiles warmly, and it suddenly hits me that I haven’t seen my mum smile at me like that for months. Maybe a year even. I beg my brain to keep my emotions at bay for now, because the last thing I need is to cry in front of Liam’s mum.
“I’m good, Ma. We’ve had snacks already. Thanks though.”
His mum smiles and then leaves us alone again.
I chew the inside of my lip as thoughts of my mum flood my brain. I wish, more than anything, she could be the person she was before her accident. But lately, I never know what I’ll get with her. And more often than not, I get the shitty version of her who shouts and gets angry over everything, just like Liam heard the other night.
My chest constricts with embarrassment, and I have to press the heel of my hand to my ribs to ease the pressure building there.
What is she doing right now? Does she need my help? Fuck, I should probably get home.
Liam places his fingertips under my chin, lifting my face to his. “Hey, you okay?” he asks, as though he can sense my panic.
