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Spoiler alert: they didn’t have milkshakes. But Jess isn’t deterred, especially when she sees the pistachio flavoured ice cream. It’s green; the kind of green that looks like it should contain spinach or kale. But if she’s happy, she can eat all the green ice cream she wants.
Jess enthusiastically licks her cone, its seductive without trying to be and when she leaves a drop on her bottom lip, I lean towards her smiling.
“You’ve got a little something…” I use my thumb to wipe it before licking it off while she watches me intently.Green ice cream isn’t so bad actually.
We find a seat outside the café and sit in comfortable silence, our feet brushing one another every now and again. The rush of the day has passed and Paris is more peaceful now. The cool autumn breeze dances around us, making a mess of Jess’ hair as it gets stuck in her ice cream. When I laugh, she scowls her famous scowl, and it makes me laugh more. My chest swelling at the sight of her.
My mind drifts to Claire. I’d be lying if I said this was the first time I’d let my mind wander to her since we arrived, because I love being with Jess, but I don’t want to hold back anything anymore. I called my dad earlier whilst she was showering; he said that Claire needs more time but that she’s reaching out to Cam to mend bridges first. I guess that’s something better than nothing.
I look over to Jess who looks as lost in thought as I was. “What are you thinking about?”
She shakes her head and looks at me sheepishly. “Nothing important.”
“It looked important. You had your cute little frown between your eyes. Right… here.” I lean froward to smooth the place where the line is and her face relaxes.
“I was just watching a family over there. The mum was doting on the little girl, hugging her, holding hands, making her laugh… sometimes I forget things are the way they are, other times my mind won’t let me forget. I’m not sad because I don’t feel like I missed out on anything in life. Cam and Harriett are amazing…” she drifts off, her eyes cloudy with thoughts as she picks at the cone of her ice cream.
“But you feel like you still want to find out about your mum?” I offered the answer she couldn’t say, and she nods looking down at her hands.
“Sometimes… I think it could give me closure, other times I wonder if we would have any sort of relationship. Is that even what I would want? I don’t know.”
I don’t say anything else. I can’t. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know where her mum is and could easily get them talking, but it’s not my place.
We sit quietly again for a while; I’m lost in a turmoil of thoughts again, desperate to give her some semblance of peace from years of pent up trauma that I see in her. After weeks of trying to tell her and being interrupted, I have the perfect opportunity, but I physically can’t tell her.
“Are you okay?” Jess asks. “You’re all sweaty,” she says, patting my damp brow.
I clear my throat a few times and take a deep, cleansing breath. “What if… what if I told you I could find her?”
Jess’ eyebrows shoot to the sky. “You can do that?” She tilts her head.
“I can.”
Jess pauses, looking out over the Seine before turning back to me. “Okay, yes. I’d like your help.” Her eyebrows meet at a thought. “Howcanyou help exactly? Do you have a stash of secret MI6 agents underground somewhere just waiting for your command?”
I laugh but it’s emptier than usual; there’s no depth to the tone of it. The noise even sends chills downmyback. “No, baby. I’m no James Bond… or M for that matter.”
I shake off the uneasy feeling running over my body. It must be because of the cool air. I wrap my arms around myself, shielding my body from the chill before smiling up at Jess. “If I can help you, I want to, and I may have the means to find her for you, if that’s what you want.”
She nods, and then the frown is back again. “But seriously, how can you do that?”
"I’ll explain more when we get back to the UK, but my dad will be able to help us. Help you. Think about it some more and if you still want to see her next week, then we can talk to him.”
“Your dad?” she asks, scrunching her nose. “Now you really are making me think there’s a lot more to you both than you’re letting on. I don’t understand.”
Heat crawls up my spine, spiderwebbing across my shoulders as I think about what to say without giving away my dad’s position in all this. “I promise as soon as we get home everything will make more sense. Do you trust me?” I ask, hope lacing my voice.
Her brows push together, and then instantly soften when I pick up her hand and kiss her knuckles, “I trust you.” She says.
I exhale, hoping that I’ve just done the right thing.
I watch her breasts bounce as she rides me hard and fast. Sweat glistens over her body as she desperately searches for her peak.
Her hips are meeting mine with every thrust. “Oh God, yes, don’t stop,” she pleads.
Every breath we breathe is in sync, so when I know she is close. I go deeper, harder, forcing our orgasms to explode together. We are a mess of moans and heavy breathing and I can’t take my eyes off her.
The moonlight is pooling in through the window and the cool evening air seeps through the small, open window. Jess is still laid, draped over my body and we are both quiet.
