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As he was fighting for control, wanting to make this feeling of ecstasy last as long as possible, she straddled him and as she lowered herself on him, she made that sound that pushed him even closer to the edge of madness. That sound, her response went straight to his head and his dick, manipulating both ruthlessly and exploding in his heart.
He was laid back and easy. Relinquishing a lot of his control regarding his life because he had parents who knew how to raise their children into the adults they were now. That’s not to say there weren’t some drawbacks with the kind of parents he had. They were wonderful, supportive, and involved parents, but sometimes that was the problem.
His mom had been completely invested in him when he was younger, in all her children. She was that homemaker, soccer mom who was involved in every aspect of their kids’ lives, and she never resented one moment of it. No matter how many football games, ballet classes, or water polo, no matter the time or money she had to invest, or rising at the crack of dawn, she was there with bells on. There was a rough patch that entailed a learning curve when he became a teenager. Easy wasn’t ever one of those moody boys, but there were just some guy things he, like other teenage boys, didn’t discuss with their moms. It was an interesting minefield when he started noticing girls, and he had a hard-on almost nonstop. Yeah, a guy didn’t talk about his boners to his mom. Even though he suspected she would take it in stride, it seemed too disrespectful.
Then there was his father. His role model, his best friend, and his hero; still, to this day, he held his father in the highest esteem. He could also credit his dad with how he treated the opposite sex, because his dad was always good to his mom, worshipping her and doing the small things men can do to make women’s lives easier, and he did them without expecting anything in return. In fact, his dad treated all people the same, with kindness and patience. But there was a significant development in Easy that he could attribute to his dad. He would never say he blamed his father because his dad was always responsible and safety conscious. It was Easy who pushed beyond his dad’s and his own boundaries.
From almost the beginning, he had that drive for more, like he needed intensity. His dad was a cave diver and he loved it. His whole family participated, but Easy especially embraced it and because of that, he and his dad bonded over the experience. But now that he was revisiting the reason for this intensity he had inside him, he thought maybe it was the need for that intensity, not the bond with his dad that he craved, still craved. Although his bond with his dad was important and significant throughout his life. Reflecting on being so young and put into some dangerous situations, he had felt the need to protect himself. He developed this armor, and Jeri only seemed to reinforce the need for that protection.
But through everything, he knew he’d always had his parents’ unconditional love. Maybe he had foolishly expected that was how the world worked. He’d been wrong.
In hindsight, he realized he’d never been sure of Jeri, not once in their relationship had he felt secure. She was too elusive…not intense enough or maybe it wasinvestedenough in being with him. Yet at the time, he buried those feelings because he was in love with her for so long, ever since she moved in next door. But that night when he told her about his plans and that he wanted her to marry him, expecting her to be the kind of mom his mom was to him and his siblings, it had ended in more than one disaster.
He’d always planned on the Navy. So, even though his parents were deeply disappointed in his choice to join the Navy, they never made him feel one ounce lesser as a son. Instead, they listened to him, embraced his needs at the time and, to their credit, let him go. They attended every single one of his graduations with enthusiasm and love and he wasn’t sure how he would have fared without his mom’s amazing care packages throughout BUD/S. All the guys were envious of him. He never took his family for granted. He knew how lucky he was to have them.
It was the same with the brotherhood. Every one of his teammates was exactly like him. They embodied and channeled that intensity for good and for their country, using it in everything they did both professionally and personally. He’d been a little nonplussed when he’d gone to basic training at the Recruit Training Command in Great Lakes, Illinois. It had been way too easy for him, everything from the tests to the physical activity to the classes. He’d made friends easily there, but it wasn’t until he started BUD/S that he realized he’d set up one of the biggest challenges of his life and, hoo-fucking-yah, he’d been so pumped for it. There was a part of him that wanted to know if he had what it took to succeed in one of the toughest courses in the military.
But when it came to his heart, he kept a strict hold of the strings. Yet Jack had been able to duck under some formidable boundaries to strum them. He couldn’t lie to himself. The way she fucked him over in bed was hands down the best sex he’d ever had. She had him by his joystick and she took him where she wanted him to go.
And fuck him, he went willingly. Jack had that intensity, too, and he realized that’s what drew him to her. That was why she turned him on before they even got between the sheets. It might have been crazy and dangerous, but she’d committed to getting her shoes back and still guarded them like a tiger with her cub. He had to admire that kind of commitment. Then both times when they had fucked, he had seen it in her, the same kind of passion, a deep-seated need for intensity. He knew then and there why none of the women he’d ever met did it for him, and why he felt nothing, even with Melissa Barker, who had a lot in common with him.
She stirred, rolled over, and stared at him for a moment. Then she leaned over and kissed him softly.
He wanted to pull her close, but she slipped away and left the bed to go into the bathroom. She seemed really subdued compared to last night. After she emerged, she flashed him a winsome smile. She dumped out her bag, grabbing something to wear, looking over at him gratefully, then she folded everything neatly and put it inside. When she got to the pink crocodile shoes, she stared down at them, her face twisting, then she shoved them inside with an angry motion. After they got into the truck, she continued to be quiet, and he wondered what was going on in her head.
Just when he thought he might be making progress with Jack, she shut down on him. He was an intuitive guy, physical and lusty in most things that he did. But he knew a song and dance when he saw one and she had been singing and dancing up a storm.
That deep wound Jeri had cut in him, he had to admit, still hurt. Maybe that was what at least one of the flashbacks had been trying to tell him. It didn’t matter, her shutting down was a reminder to keep his emotions locked down. He couldn’t afford to get in too deep and then get hurt. He was terrified it would be ten times worse than what he had experienced with Jeri.
He would go with the flow like she asked and not label it anything. Certainly not get too serious and open himself up to the possible loss and rejection he swore he’d never again allow. What freaked him out was that Jack had that power, and it was a realization that shook him to the very core of his being.
“Easy?” Jack said.
He kept his eyes on the road, not wanting to get distracted from the internal decision he’d made for his own self-protection and sanity. They had only been driving for a couple of hours, their plan was to take a roundabout way to Route 1 to try to avoid any local roadblocks, then abandon the truck and go on foot to the rendezvous at the southern part of the lake. Their next stop wouldn’t be until Tucani and it was only another hour-and-a-half drive.
“Yeah.”
“I need to apologize to you.”
“I told you, Jack. We can just let things be.” Well, that wasn’t entirely true since he had his little rejection breakdown.
She frowned, then shook her head. “I’ll get back to that, but no, not about sex.”
“About what then?”
She bit her lip and some of that fear was back in her eyes. “I want to tell you about the shoes, but that means telling you a little about myself, and I’m afraid you won’t understand.”
“Won’t understand why those shoes were so important you were willing to put a whole team of SEALs who were trying to rescue you in danger?”
Jack gasped, and Easy immediately felt the pain his words caused.
“Hey, I know you didn’t mean to put anyone in danger. The shoes had to be important for you to even consider staying in that hell hole another minute.”
She didn’t say anything, and he wondered if he’d put her completely off what she was going to tell him. “I think we’ve been through enough in the last two days that you know I’m not the kind of guy to judge you.”
She took a hard breath. “I think I am ashamed of some of my choices in life and where I am now bears it out.”
“Just talk to me, Jack.”
