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“Salvatore, you want me to do something reckless. Stupid and reckless.”
“I’m asking you to marry me! I’m not going to give you an empty promise and tell you I’ll try to patch things up with Fabiano because truth is, Grazia, I hate him as much as my father did. Your brothers are good men, but you’re right when you say they’re extensions of your father and they will try to widow you as soon as you take my name. No, you won’t be able to see them, or your nieces, or anyone else, or maybe someday you will. I don’t fucking know! The only thing I’m sure of is that right now, you either stay with me or leave for good.” He stopped to take a breath. “I won’t chase you again. I won’t sell my soul for cents to you anymore. I won’t try to make a queen of a girl who’d much rather stay a princess in the shadow of her brothers.”
Ahia[30]! That last one hurt. This man knew me better than any other living soul, some days he knew me better than I knew myself, and he looked straight into my depths to find the most painful things he could and threw them straight in my face.
I was a loved child. My mother used to call meun dono di Dio[31]. She wished for a girl for many years until I finally came along and that’s why they ended up having so many children. My father loved me because I was his child. My brothers? I didn’t lie when I said they were the ones keeping me standing. I lost my mom too early andBabbowas always a little too busy running thefamiglia, but the bond I had with my brothers was made out of the strongest steel. It didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t equal.
Father will always believe that a man in his position was represented by the kids who could carry on his name.Sons. To my father, I’ll always come last, and Salvatore knew that.
“I’m more than a pretty face to hang on your arm or decorate my father’s house.”
“I know that. Stay with me so I can make your dreams come true. I’ll get you on the biggest stage of the world because I don’t want you tolookhappy next to me. I want you tobehappy.”
That seductive promise was tugging at my heart because in his wild dreams I got everything. A life with him where I could do what I love most – dance – and many years of happiness.
He wasn’t going to accept half measures anymore and frankly, we both deserve better than stolen moments of fleeting passion and a love that had to stay hidden. We deserved better. We deserved more. But…
“I can’t.” I whispered and bowed my head. I had no reason to feel humiliation, but still, it was suffocating me.
In silence and without looking back once, I left, feeling the dagger of jade eyes deeply pushed in my back. I lost him.
We’ve finally lost each other.
Chapter 13
Delfina marched into my bedroom seconds after I snuck in. The place was quiet, but of course she was awake, waiting for me.
“Now is not a good time, Delfina.”
“Yes, it is. Where the hell have you been?”
“There was something I had to do.”
“It’s that Fiori boy. He’s going to get you in trouble and I won’t be able to help you, Grazia. You are so lucky Fabiano was tired last night and the alcohol knocked him out fast.”
I exhaled. Yes, I was lucky that happened. My father might trust I was a good girl never chasing trouble, but he wasn’t a fool.
“Delfina, I’m sorry I put you in that position, ok? It won’t happen again.”
She sighed, shaking her head.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes.” The answer choked me.
“Go change into your pajamas. Fabiano will be awake soon. It would be nice if he could see your face before leaving.”
“Leaving?”
“I heard him talking on the phone last night. I think he’s going to the summer house for a few days.”
The summer house was more of a villa than a house, on the other coast of Sicily. We used to go there, all of us, every summer, but that tradition died years ago. I was surprised to hear he was going there, but if it was business, it made sense. The golf course he built around the house was legendary, or so he told me, and his men loved it. I found the sport to be dreadfully boring.
“I’ll clean myself up and be ready for breakfast soon.”
I wasn’t hungry, but it was better than locking myself in this room and crying until I perish. I wasn’t ready to revisit that horrible fight Salvatore and I had. I wasn’t ready to dissect every word and live through it again, so I just blocked it out.
Going on autopilot, I showered and washed my hair, cleaned my face and found some comfy clothes to slip into. I chose to think about complex ballet steps, and curtain calls, and beaten-down pointe shoes carrying me around a stage in an effortless pirouette. Dancing was my shield and it worked just fine.
