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He faced the back door, closing his eyes.
“You’ve been exchanging yourhumanityfor…a pretend world that you’re not made for.”
“Imade this world,” he said, turning to her. “I didn’t make it to replace real things, I made it because it was all I had. I had AL and Big G.”
“Yes, Ethan?” they both answered.
“Nothing, I’m talking to Cat.”
“No,” she said, to the air. “Let Big G and AL speak since they’re obviously a part of this. Are they not?”
“They are,” he said, pacing and looking at her. “They helped me buildallof it. Because ofthem, Isurvivedhumanity. Sowhatif I lost some of my own along the way, I’m here, aren’t I? I like codes, I like numbers, I like algorithms because they’re factual, they don’t change, they obey laws, they don’t get up and walk out of your life and never come back. They stay and they’realwaysthe same, theynever change.”
“They are products ofyou, Ethan,” she said, her compassion bringing his anger. “You created them, you made them what you needed, and I get that, I do. I’m glad you did, but it wasn’t ever supposed to be a permanent thing, you weren’t supposed tobecomethat!” she pointed at the wall.
He opened the back door and went out to get air and away from her cruel fucking words. He wouldnotexplain himself to her. She hadnoclue. Nofuckingclue. He needed pain and if she couldn’t handle that then... He turned, finding her behind him. He pointed at the gate. “You can go,” he said. “You can’t accept me for who Iam, thenleave. Fuckingleave!I’m not changing foranybody.”
She slammed her hands on her hips, her eyes on fire. “Likehellwill I leave,” she warned, her fight returning with a ferocity. “We aresolvingthis, that’s what we’re doing.”
“Iwantpain and I’llhavepain, and there’snothingyou can do to stop it. You don’t like it then toofuckingbad.”
She gasped, nodding at his challenge. “I willtearthat place apart, do you hear me?”
He stormed up to her, his breaths blasting as he looked down at her fearless glare. “You will never touch them. They aremyfamily. And I willneverabandon them foranybody,” he grit at her.
“This pain bullshit has a beginning, Ethan, and I aim to find it and show you thatyou don’tneed it.”
“No, I fuckingdon’tneed pain, Iwantit,” he yelled, turning away from her.
“Why?” she snapped. “Tell me why youwant orevenneedpain, Ethan. Why do you need punishing?”
He turned. “Idon’tneed punishing.”
“Damn right you don’t.”
“Iwantit. Ineedit to hurt!”
“Butwhy!”
“So I don’t have tofeelwhat Ican’tfuckingsurvive,” he roared, ready to kill. “Icouldn’tescape, I couldn’t escape the fuckingbonecrushingagony,” he seethed. “It cameevery…fucking…day andnight! I wasthirteen,” he gasped, winded. “Alone, I was sofucking alone! I made an escape so I couldlivebecause they weren’t going to kill me,” he said around the iron jaws on his chest and heart. “I wasworthsomething.They werewrong, I was worthsomething,” he swore between jagged breaths, sagging against the rail and sliding down to the pier.
Cat flew to him in a sob, clinging to his neck. “You’re not worthless, you’renot!” she cried, holding him tight. “I will never leave you, do you hear me? You arestuckand I amnotsorry,” she wailed, covering his face with kisses. “Iloveyousomuch. I’m yourwife. We areone!I willnever, ever leave you!”
He pulled her in his arms and held on to her so fucking tight. “Please don’t leave,” he begged, fighting to breathe as he pulled her closer and buried his face in her neck. “I’ll learn, I’ll learn how to be human again,” he swore, his words breaking with the rest of him. “You’ll show me, ma menou, you’ll show me how to love. Show me how to love. ”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“So what’s the plan?” Tegan asked quietly while looking around at the empty hospital. “Is it a ghost town because of the hurricane?” she wondered, her eyes getting stuck on the very good looking swamp doctor. He’d gone from Mr. October in his doctor coat, jeans and zero shirt to Mr. Lay Me Down To Sleep in his blue jeans, biker boots and a black t-shirt. It all showcased a tight thick waist and a chest that went on and on, mother ofall.
Naturally, he showed zero interest in her. Probably why she liked hanging out with him. Zero interest meant zero men problems. It ain’t often but there comes a time when you meet a guy youwantto be bothered by. And Dr. Swamp Sex was exactly the kind.
“This is a checklist,” he said, handing a notebook to her. “We make sure everything is done on that.”
She took it then followed him when he suddenly went mobile, reading as she walked. “What the world is a… Boo-Boo Brigade?”
“My hurricane hustlers. Every hatch has a team of people that handles hurricane prepping for all in the hatch.”
“Nowthatis cool,” she said, hopping over a sudden log in her path. “So, we need to make sure they did their jobs, correct?”
