Page 50 of All Of My Firsts


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Three orgasms later and she’s lightly snoring, nestled between my shoulder and my body. I’ve never had a woman in this bed before. But I want her here. I find myself staring at this gorgeous creature occupying far too much of my bed, considering her size, and listening to her little mewls and puffs of breath that keep tickling my chest. Fucking sappy behaviour on my part. We’ve only slept together twice and I’m already listening to her breathe, and cooing over her.Who even am I?

Just as I find my body relaxing into sleep, she fidgets in my arms, and I know she’s awake. Her body is not soft and cradled into mine anymore. It’s stiff and full of unknown emotion. Palpable, the universe, and me, are waiting for her to freak the fuck out with the waves coming off her right now.

I let one eye peek open and catch her wide Bambi eyes staring at me. I smile and tug her closer to me. “Don’t.”

She relaxes a little and lets me hug her. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t freak out.”

She hesitates for a second and begins twirling her finger over my tattoos, specifically the lion on my chest.

“I was thinking I should go. We haven’t decided anything for whatever this was…”

Nah, fuck that.

“So, let’s talk about it. Don’t run, Nora.” Am I above begging? Apparently not with her. I surprise myself when I whisper the word, “please.”

She stills, her fingers stop moving, and her head tips up towards me again as when she smiles when my heart trips over itself a little. “You start. My brain can’t handle the fact that you’re begging me to stay right now.”

We shift so we are laying on our sides, facing one another. Despite the evening we just spent wrapped in each other’s bodies, staring at someone pillow side, when you’re both naked, feels like the most intimate thing ever.

“Okay, I really enjoyed last night, and I want to do it again.”

She smiles but keeps her gaze locked on my chest. “I really enjoyed it too. How… how would it work with us doing it again?”

“Well, it would start with kissing and touching and…” I move in closer to her, slaps my chest playfully, something I’m learning she likes to do.

“No, smarty-pants, I mean, do you want to do it again only once? Is this a thing? A frenemies with benefits thing? A… relationship? God, there is so much going through my brain.” My mind boggles at the word relationship because I’ve never had one and I don’t think I’d be very good at it. Instead of lingering on that thought, I pull out my old faithful trick—for the second or third time tonight, I kiss her until her equilibrium comes back, ignoring my own worries. She hums into our kiss.

“Better?”

A frown appears between her eyebrows. “Yes.”

“Really? Your face tells me otherwise.” I brush her frown with my fingertip, and it softens.

“I mean no, but yes.”

I’m not sure what that means, and I don’t think she does either. “You have this innate way of calming me down. You did it in the lift up here. You make me feel… different. You can see when my brain is moving a mile a minute and you swoop in with your soft lips and I’m instantly at ease. That scares the shit out of me because we can barely have a conversation to figure out what tonight was, let alone actually stand to be friends or whatever this is.” I smile as I pull her into me and she mumbles, “you’re doing it again.”

“I know.” I want to add that I’m okay with it too because I’m not sure what to do, but I don’t put pressure on myself like she does. She sighs, as though she’s giving me a little bit more of her vulnerable side with that sound. Whatever it is, I’ll take it.

I don’t want to let her go or confuse us both with what this is because I have no idea. Most girls see me as a good time, but with Nora, I know it’s different already. We’re both inexperienced and a little scared, so I’m hoping we can navigate whatever this is together.

“Stay tonight, please,” I mumble sleepily and the next thing I know, it's morning, the light is shining in through my slightly open curtains and I’m in bed alone.

Chapter 22

Nora

Istareatthemessage I’ve been trying to send Grayson for the last thirty minutes. I’ve spent most of the time overthinking everything, writing it, only to delete it again. It’s a nightmare.I’ma nightmare. For a therapist with a plethora of tools at my disposal, this man makes me forget everything I’ve spent my whole career learning and I become a teenager who has zero clue about anything. How are you supposed to text your current-frenemies-with-benefits man? I don’t even know what to call him, let alone what to say.

When I woke up about 5am he barely stirred, which made for an easier escape. I called an Uber and thankfully it was quick to arrive. Jess and Liam had zero clue that I’d gone out and I snuck upstairs before they were awake, showered, and came back down to make coffee before they’d even woken up. I felt like some sort of double agent sneaking around. It was thrilling.

I hate myself a little for admitting this, but last night I got it. The animalistic attraction that women have towards Grayson. This idea that maybe I’d be the one to tame his wildness. That the bad boy image he covets so much could be smashed to pieces by me. To let the beast devour you but come out riding him with a muzzle. I totally get it now. The power he gave me last night was like nothing I’d ever felt in my life. It was raw and exhilarating, and it terrified my poor, romantic heart, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t wake something deep inside of me.

Liam comes around the corner just as I’m still frowning into my phone. He’s in his usual work suit and looks very dapper for an early morning. “Morning, Nor.” He yawns and reaches for my coffee cup, which I snatch out of the way just in time.

“Nope, not today, cowboy.” I sip it with a smirk.

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