Page 68 of All Of My Firsts


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“I know, shorty. I am too. If there was a guidebook I’d give it to you, but there isn’t. Emotions are raw and real, and that shit is scary. But let me chase away those fears. Let me show you how good I can be for you.”

My heart beats for those words he’s saying. I do want more with him. I can feel it. Maybe we can build something that’s real. We sit in silence for a few seconds, listening to each other breathe.

“I’m really proud of you for speaking to someone,” I say, breaking the silence.

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“So how do I make the mixture?” Grayson asks through the phone. I can hear him fumbling around and probably making a mess in his kitchen. “All I can really remember is the egg cracking, which I have mastered, by the way. I’m taking your egg-cracking ninja title.”

I stifle a laugh. “Is that a thing?”

“It is now.”

“If you say so.”

“So, back to the cake mix,” he prompts.

I get up off my sofa and head into my kitchen. “How about if I make one at the same time then we can talk through the steps together.”

“Sounds good. Could we…” He trails off.

“Could we what?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Teach me your ways,Mary Berry.”

I snort an unflattering laugh. “Have you been watching Bake Off?”

“Maybe a little, but only the old stuff with Mary in. It’s addictive, okay?”

“Hey, no judgement here.” I chuckle. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but I like that you’re taking this seriously.”

“Very seriously.”

“So, tell me what you wanted to say a minute ago.”

He pauses, the huff of his breath the only sound through the phone speaker. “I wanted to video call you, but I don’t want to push you. So, I decided it wasn’t a good idea to ask.”

A flush spreads from my neck to my face. It’s hot and itchy. We haven’t seen each other in any capacity for three and a half weeks, not that I’m counting. I’m nervous but we’ve spoken almost every day for the last week or so. Things are changing for us. We’re finding ways to communicate that don’t involve intimacy. It’s been good.

“Nora? I said it’s fine. Let’s make this cake.”

Before I can talk myself out of it, I move the phone away from my face and hit the video call button. When his face comes into view, I stumble on my breath and end up coughing a lot to clear the sudden inhale that’s trying to choke me.

“Two seconds,” I say, placing the phone on the worktop and getting a glass of water. God, he looks good. Too good.I forgot that magnetism I felt for him. His hair looks messy and wild, and his eyes are my exact shade of kryptonite. I need to pick the phone back up, but somehow, looking at him from a distance without him looking at me feels easier for a second, whilst I try and focus on swallowing my water.

“You okay over there? Need me to come over and perform mouth to mouth?” He smiles, amused but wearily. This cheeky side of him is also something I missed. I’m usually serious where he isn’t, and I like that about him. I miss that about him.

I move over to the counter and pick the phone back up. When our eyes connect, he slowly releases a deep breath.

“Nora, fuck.” I feel my pulse beating in my throat. “I know this might make me sound like a loser but seeing you just then… you made my heart stumble. You’re so beautiful.”

I’m radioactive now, uncontrollably hot and bothered because I haven’t had a single compliment since he gave them to me. He shifts closer to the phone, as though he can gain access to me that way. I smile and he smiles back. It’s heady having his attention. I’d forgotten how much I enjoy it.

“Thank you. You look good too, I guess.”

He pulls the camera back, clutching his chest. “Be still my heart. I’ve missed your sass.”

My hands tingle holding the phone, as I let my mind wonder what else he’s missed. I press my lips tightly together to keep from smiling like a schoolgirl.

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