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He turns to face me, a question forming on his lips. “And how will things be between you and Nora tomorrow?”
I want to answer him honestly and say that I think it’ll all be fine. Nora and I have been talking for the last month. At first, on the phone then video calls. And I’ve been leaving her flowers, which she told me she now takes inside rather than puts them in the bin, which is progress. I want to tell him that it won’t be awkward, but it might be. We haven’t been in the same room this whole time, both using the safety of the phone as a protective barrier.
I’m nervous, I’m excited and I’m a big ball of anxiety because what if she changes her mind when she sees me?
Therapy has helped more than I could have imagined. I’ve come to terms with some things from my past and am working towards letting some fears go, which I’ve been talking to Nora about. It turns out, a good few sessions under my belt and my doc was able to give me some much needed perspective. Dr Hobbs said this week that he thinks I’ve been living in a ‘battle zone’ state for a while, which explains why I pushed away ninety-eight per cent of human connections and kept everyone at surface level. I’ve never fully dealt with my parents’ divorce and constant arguing, hence the fucked up state of mind.
The minute he explained it, I felt like a weight had been shifted from my shoulders. He saw me and he understood something I was feeling but couldn’t quite verbalise. He didn’t judge or make me feel like I’d done something wrong. He’s teaching me how to accept and move on from things I had no control over and that alone has changed my mindset.
At some point, I know it’s going to get more difficult because I’ll be connecting with both my parents in the future which I’m hoping will be with Nora by my side. But I don’t know exactly where we stand, despite me dying to tell her on a daily basis exactly how much I love everything about her. The way she laughs, the way she scowls at me when I call her shorty, her gorgeous body that I miss so much, her need to have everything done a certain way and to the best of her ability. She’s easily the most amazing person I know and I’m a fool for not seeing it sooner… or at least not telling her how I felt sooner.
I didn’t really know what this feeling was until her and yeah, it’s scary but it’s also incredible. Now I’m beginning to understand it more, I want to shout from the rooftops just how much I love her. It’s killing me not telling her every day.
“I think it might be awkward to begin with, but things are going well,” I reply to Liam, offering him as much reassurance as I can. I had some things delivered to Nora’s hotel room today that I’m hoping will get her talking to me before the wedding tomorrow, and things won’t be as awkward when we see each other.
He nods. “I’m glad. And the therapy is still going well?”
“It is. I’m working through things and feeling good.” Not all my sessions have been productive, thanks to my stubborn arse trying to avoid the difficult parts, but even after a handful of sessions I feel better just talking to someone who doesn’t judge. I’m getting better at sharing and being open.
Liam surprises me and slaps my back, pulling me into a hug. “Proud of you, man.”
I return his embrace. “Thanks, dude. That means a lot.”
We both awkwardly clear our throats, not usually opting for such deep topic of conversations or hugs for that matter. “Let’s get you married.”
Chapter 32
Nora
Arrivingatthehotel,I slowly drive up the gravelled road until I see the beautiful brownstone building covered in winding ivy on the one side. It’s a manor house that’s been converted into a boutique hotel. It’s very ‘Jess’ and it gives me a thrill of excitement that this day is finally here.
Gathering my bags and bridesmaid dress, I walk through the ornate arch doorway and push open the heavy door with a grunt.
As I approach the reception area, I adjust my bag on my shoulder and stand up straighter. “Hi, I’m part of the Scott-Taylor wedding party. My name is Nora Scott,” I tell the receptionist.
He clicks a few times on his computer. “Ah yes, Miss Scott. Your room is ready if you’d like to check in now.”
“Yes, please.” I nod. “Can I also have the key to the bride’s room? I’m her maid of honour and I have some surprises to set up for her.”
“Of course.” He taps the keys on his computer quickly before handing me two sets of keys. “The rooms are a floor apart, yours is room 52, which is on floor three and the bridal suite is 65, on floor four. Do you need help with anything?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thank you.”
I walk to the lifts. The usual pit I’d feel in my stomach thinking about travelling up in this death trap isn’t there. It’s replaced by memories of Grayson’s lips on mine. My hand wanders to my mouth. I trace over my bottom lip and think about the way he would always suck and kiss it, distracting me until the lift doors opened. A weight settles on my chest at the thought of seeing him tomorrow. Excitement and anticipation swirling in my mind. We’ve been video calling for the last month, but this will be the ultimate test for me. For us.
As the lift opens on Jess’ floor, I find her room and set up the few items I picked for her; prosecco, a bride-to-be silk robe, fluffy slippers, and some new cosy PJs. Then I text Jess to meet me at my room before dinner.
When I get to my room on the lower floor, I see something on the ground outside my door. As I get closer, I realise it’s a white sweet pea. On top of a book. I pick them both up, smiling to myself and inhaling the sweet floral scent.
I open the door with my key card, making sure to leave the door on the latch for Jess, and I amble inside. Placing my luggage on the rack near the wardrobe, I hang my dress in the bathroom as I feel my phone buzzing in my back pocket. When I see the caller ID, my heart does a little dance.
“Hey,” I answer breathlessly.
“Hey, shorty. How was the drive to the venue?”
“Good. Quick. I’ve just got to my room.” I exhale, trying to even out my breathing. “Then I’m going downstairs for dinner with Jess in an hour.”
“Oh yeah? How’s your room?”
