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“Sure thing.” I slip my fingers through her hair, then gently touch the back of my hand to her face. “I love you, Rae. More than anything in the world.”
“Love you,” she mumbles, already falling asleep.
I’m ready for sleep, too, so I leave her.
Of course, I don’t drift off once I’m in bed. I lie here and replay the day in my head. Waking up happy and enjoying a breakfast great in company and taste. Soothing Landon after the Lolly incident. Having fun in Target. Watching him leisurely push Rae in the Wal-Mart buggy while I collected ingredients for dinner, then watching him pick out a special Redbox movie with her. Listening to him sing along to the music in his car while drumming on the steering wheel, funny enough, with the hand bearing the end of the string of music note tattoos. Feeling him peel that leaf off my back….
I break out in chill bumps over that one, just as I did at the time.
I’m unable to keep the thought out:That was the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to me.
It’s silly, I know. It was just a wet leaf being unstuck from my skin. But I also know exactly what made itnotsilly: him, with his feather-light touch and deliberate fingers and quiet breaths, plus everything else that makes him remarkable. It wasn’t the action itself that affected me so much, but rather who it was from, how he did it.
“Oh, Liv,” I sigh as I toss around to lie a different way. “Get past it.”
Ithinkpast it, anyway, to how I cried during my speech about that dance…and how he dried my cheeks in the same gentle, smooth way I imagined yesterday.
I think past that, too, to how he said he wants to take her to the dance and how he likes mattering to me and her. And then to how he looked when we talked about Lolly and when I told him he makes the blackness of my past feel a little less heavy. How he held my hand right back that second time.
And I think about the lazy afternoon we had with Rae after her nap, until it was time to cook dinner; everything from preparing it, to me being the Broccoli Monster, to the three of us eating was just so fun and nice. We watchedInside Outafter we cleaned the kitchen, and it punched all three of us in the tear ducts (she and I more than him, but still, he loved the movie as much as we did).
The hugs he gave us when it was time for him to leave were long and intent. I hadn’t spoken to Rae about the dance yet, but I know he was thinking about it in those moments; she held on just as tightly, displaying her care for him the best way she could. And when it was my turn to be embraced by him, he didn’t do anything other than lock his arms around me—didn’t touch my hair or face or hands—and I still…feltit. Felt his sincere contentment and gratitude. Felt mine, too.
‘Is it okay to love Landon?’
Rae’s question drifts into my mind again, makes me feel strange again.
I can’t place why.
All I’m sure of is that it doesn’t have anything to do with Rae herself. Whatever it is, it has to do with me.
The warning voice in my mind whispers for me not to dig any deeper, for me to just put the feeling away and leave it alone.
I listen to that voice for the first time in what feels like quite a while.
I’m tired, and tomorrow will be a return to regular scheduling for Rae and me. Her half-day on Friday went well, so she’s clear to attend school properly again, which means I can go back to work.
Tomorrow officially kicks off Landon’s new promotion, too,I remember, and I have to smile. Well, actually, he’s off on Mondays—still,this weekwill kick off the promotion. I’m proud of him, and he’s really excited.
Deciding to do one last thing before I make myself go to sleep, I pick up my phone so I can send him a message.
ME:Hoping your promotion celebration day was as great for you as it was for us. :) Goodnight.
Short moments later, I have a response.
LANDON:It was. You really have no idea. Goodnight, Liv, sleep well
After I send back another smiley face, I put my phone aside and get comfortable.
IhopeI sleep well.
At least I know that if I end up with a repeat of Friday night, I won’t have to suffer through it by myself.
I should’ve given Rae a late compliment on calling him during that, even though I wasn’t excited about it at the time; she really did the right thing. I’ll tell her the first chance I get.
Smiling softly about how much I love her and feeling warmed by how much Landon cares about us, I close my eyes so I can doze off.
*
