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Rae isn’t at risk with Landon. He would never—he wouldneverhurt her. I don’t doubt that at all.
Oh, God.
Oh, God,what have I said?
I quickly dry my eyes so I can fully meet his gaze, which is beyond broken-hearted.
“Landon,” I croak, all of my fierceness gone.
His tone is frailer than frail when he asks, “You think I’m a danger to her?” Tears are steadily filling his eyes. “Is that why you’re…? After everything we’ve…you’re scared of what I’m going to do to her?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No, I didn’t mean that.”
He looks me up and down like he doesn’t know who I am, and it rips me apart.
“Landon,” I crack out as he moves away from me, “wait. I—the part of me that said that is the—the fucked-up part, the one that’s still here from—from when—” I’m shaking my head wildly now. “The rest of me—I knowyou would never—”
“Yeah, well,allof you wanted to leave, so leave.” He shoves at his eyes and heads for the front door.
“No, not all of me,” I sob as I hurry after him. “There is no‘all of me.’I’m not whole! I’m—I’m—”
“And you clearly don’t want me to help you with that,” he snaps. He jerks his door wide open and steps back, sniffling and breathing hard, his eyes on the floor instead of me. “And I can’t have just part of you, especially when the other part thinks I’m a fucking monster.”
“Landon,no!I don’t—”
“Your voice is killing me right now, Liv,” he says, his throat audibly tightening. “Please. Just. Go.”
The destroyed look on his face shreds my very soul.
I lift an arm to my mouth, let a jagged cry into the bend of it. Then I run out the door and toward home, not sure I’m not about to throw up.
He bangs the door shut behind me.
I feel far weaker, stupider, guiltier, more anxious, and more terrified than I did just a minute ago when he was close enough to kiss me.
Kissme, notruinme.
I slam myself into my apartment and bellow, “Goddamn it!” with every bit of breath in my lungs. And then my knees give out and I’m on the floor and sobs of agony are overpowering me.
I…
…I don’t feel likeIknow who I am either.
|| 16 || Landon
I’ve never felt pain like this before.
I’ve also never felt so empty before.
It’s like I’ve been gutted—like whatever was in me has been clawed out and now nothing is left, and the wound hurts like hell.
I can’t think about her. About the things she said. But I can’t forget them either.
She was so close to me.
She was in my hands.
She was looking at me like she didn’t want to be anywhere else, like she needed me and my promises, like she craved me in all the same ways I crave her.
