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What Idon’tknow is how his tone is kid-friendly when my brain finally registers his voice: “Aw, Annie is shivering up here.”
I don’t have time to do more than give him a bashful smile before Rae says, “Let’s go home and change clothes and eat cake!”
He reaches over and affectionately brushes his slick thumb over my slick cheek.
Then he switches his focus to the car. “Great idea. Off we go!”
He and I cool back off before we get home, but as we eat birthday cake with Rae at the kitchen table in dry clothes, a different kind of excitement takes hold of me.
For one thing, although Landon hasn’t been sleeping here every night because we think it’s important to stick to Monday as his move-in day, he’s been bringing his stuff over the last week, and this is already feeling likeourhome. Most of what he’s brought has been small and melted right into what we had, but walking through the front door these days still makes me feel happier and more complete than before. I really feel like we’re doing the right thing.
Something else that feels right—and the other reason for this core-deep warmth building in me—is what he and I talked about at this very table two nights ago.
It was such a good conversation that I remember almost every single bit of it.
It started with him tracing my knuckles with a fingertip and asking softly, “Can we talk about our future?”
I hadn’t expected that question at all, but I was more than fine with it and said just as softly, “Sure.”
He was quiet for a little bit before he explained, “Well, I just want to know where…youarewith me.” He licked his lips. “Where you are withus.How you see us ending up. I know we’re already going to live together, but….”
The words unleashed a thousand butterflies in my stomach. “Where I see us ending up? Like…do I see us getting married?”
“Yeah. Like that.” He breathed deeply before his eyes left my hand and found my face. “The truth is, I want you for—forallmy days. That’s whereIam with us. I don’t have a crush on you. I don’t want to have a relationship with you just for a year or two. I’min lovewith you. You and Rae are my home.”
A million butterflies at that point.
Color touched his cheeks and something like nervousness touched his eyes, but he didn’t look away from me.
“But as always, Liv, I’ll respect how you need things to be. So…I’m not proposing to you right this minute, but if I do it in the future, do you think you’ll say yes? Is that something you want?”
I went beyond being delighted and straight into exhilarated.
I was also kind of sad, because I could tell a tiny part of him couldn’t help fearing that I might not love him the way he loves me—I could tell he wondered if there was any chance I’ll only ever be okay with being his live-in girlfriend.
I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry.
But I did neither. I took his hand in both of mine and told him intently, “If you ask me, Iwillsay yes.”
Sweet relief fell on him. “Really?”
I nodded. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted me and Rae to belong to, and you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to belong to us. Tome.There is nothing casual about that. So, yes, I’m right where you are on this.” I almost did cry when I said, “I honestly thought I would never love anybody other than her, but I do.Youhave shown us what it’s like to really be cared for.Youmake even the most troubled parts of me happy.”
It was, to date, the most euphoric I’d ever seen him look. It was the most euphoric I’d ever felt. We were in deepest agreement that we should never let go of what we have, should only make it stronger.
I don’t know how we kept from cheering and laughing loudly and turning on music and dancing around the apartment.
And after also agreeing we might like to have a child other than Rae someday, he looked at me in a way that had me thinking I wouldn’t make it to Monday before I showed him exactly how much I love him.
That was one of the nights he slept in his own bed. Last night, too.
I think we’re planning on him staying with us this time, though. And even though he’s currently catching on to how I haven’t been talking with him and Rae, how I’ve just been gazing at him while absently eating my cake—even as he curves such an intimate smile at me that I wonder if he can somehow tell what I’m thinking…I know I’m going to remain steady.
It’s been a (delicious) struggle, but we’re going to make it through tonight and tomorrow night without caving on our promise to contain ourselves.
Andthen….
I curve my own little smile back at him.
