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“Yes!” Rae suddenly says in triumph. “I got one! Now the next one….”
I look down and see she’s figured out how to do it. A proud smile is on her face as she buttons the second button, and she glances up to see if I’ve noticed.
I smile, too, as my heart warms. “Excellent job, Rae.” A little playfully, I add, “Never give up on your dreams.”
“Never ever,” she agrees.
She gets all five buttons done up while I brush my teeth. While she brushes hers, I put her hair bow in the shoebox we use for our few accessories, then take her hair down and comb it. After we both use the restroom, we stand side-by-side in front of the mirror for our last before-bed custom.
“After you,” I invite her.
She peers into the tired eyes of her reflection.
“You did a good job just now with the buttons,” she compliments herself. “And you did your best on the spelling test at school. That’s what counts, even if you don’t get the gold star. Or the silver star. Or the red one.”
I grin at her reflection and her reflection grins at me. She wraps her arms around me in a sweet hug, and I know it’s my turn to compliment myself. I look up into my own blue eyes.
But words don’t leave me as quickly as they left Rae. I can suck up my bad attitude about what all went on today, but the truth is, I still don’t feel like complimenting myself. I don’t feel like I did anything worth commending.
I snoozed my alarm too many times this morning and didn’t get out of bed when I should have. Rae and I were running so late that we couldn’t sit and eat breakfast at the table like we always do, which just felt weird. Then my car wouldn’t start; I vaguely rememberednotremembering to turn off my headlights last night. And since there wasn’t a pair of jumper cables to be seen, we had to wait around to find a ride, which made us even later for school and work. Just as I was finally dropping Rae off, I realized I hadn’t packed either of us a lunch, so I gave her the five dollars I had and resigned myself to the fact that I’d just be hungry until dinner.
At work, I was out of sorts all day and managed to piss off four customers and a coworker. When I clocked out later, I had to bribe a different coworker with a shift pick-up to secure a ride to Auto Zone and then home. Then a young mechanic from my apartment building would only put the new battery in my car in exchange for a night out with me. The issue there is I don’t date, plus I have a sharp eye for who people are on the inside and Wyatt is more foul than not—but I grudgingly agreed to his terms because I needed his help. And afterward, as I was hurrying to pick Rae up from after-school daycare, I accidentally ran over someone’s pet cat…while the person was standing there.
In Wal-Mart, I dropped and broke a jar of pickles, as well as busted a fresh tomato all over the floor. After waiting in a long check-out line, I held up the people behind us because I dropped my debit card into the crack between the round bag table and the register. In the parking lot, once I’d gotten our bags in the trunk, I opened my door too quickly and it slipped away from me and banged into the car parked beside us. I didn’t have a way to leave an apology note and I couldn’t wait around for the owner to show up, so I left, feeling terrible about their scraped paint.
Things didn’t improve when we got home. I burned our dinner, spilled Rae’s cup of the last bit of tea, and somehow broke theplasticcup (which, of course, was her long-time favoriteMy Little Ponyone). Later, I had to explain why our monthly Super Fun Saturday, which was supposed to bethisSaturday, has to be cancelled this time because of what I did to the car battery.
That last one was exceptionally painful.
Although she didn’t throw a fit—she’s not the type—she was plainly saddened. For as long as I’ve been her guardian, I’ve saved a little money from every paycheck so we can do something extra-special once a month. It’s a kind of celebration that she’s no longer with her addict mom and whatever jerk Kelle is currently dating. On Super Fun Saturdays, Rae and I have clearance to eat something exciting, or go to a movie, or do whatever else our small allowance can afford and be blissfully, unrestrictedly happy. And I ruined this one.
If you ask me, even her new pajamas can’t make up for that, and those things came with a free beaded bracelet.
“Annie?” she asks, bringing my gaze back down to her reflection. She has her head tilted sideways and is looking at me expectantly. “What’s your compliment? Are you trying to pick one? You can say more than one. I said two.”
I grin at her in spite of myself. Briefly, I consider just being straight with her and saying I’m having a hard time praising myself for something I did today, because all I did was mess things up. But I decide this isn’t one of those times when being open and honest with her would accomplish much. Plus,she’sclearly not thinking about my mistakes.
So I say, “Hey, thanks for reminding me! I forgot about that rule.”
She grins and hugs me again, believing she’s helped solve my problem.
I hug her back and tell my reflection, “You kept both you and Rae alive another day, and you learned not to hit the snooze button too many times. Live and learn.”
“Live and learn,” Rae echoes before pulling away. She yawns. “I learned something new today, too.”
“Really? What’s that?” I follow her out of the bathroom, hitting the light on my way.
“At recess, I learned that sometimes ants hide their houses in grass.”
I gasp, partly for dramatic effect and partly because that’s a good thing to know, especially as a kid. “How’d you find that out? Did you step in an ant pile?” I turn on her bedroom light so she can climb into bed.
“No, it was Abby Kinley, not me. I just saw. I tried to help get them off ‘cause she was crying, but a teacher came and took her away.”
“Aw.” I cover her with her blanket, which is almost the same color pink as her pajamas. “You’re sweet, Rae. How kind of you to try to help.”
“I would want help ifIwas getting bit by ants.” She yawns again. “I don’t like ants.”
I tsk. “I don’t like them either.”
