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As I’m clocking out at the end of my shift, Bill informs me in a happy rush that his sister is going into labor. She lives out of state, but the two of them are close, so he, Shannon, and their kids are taking a spur-of-the-moment road trip. He won’t be anywhere near work tomorrow.
I know how hard his sister and her husband tried to get pregnant (really,reallyhard—they did the kind of trying that took years and involved spending a fortune), so I share in his excitement. After I promise the bar will be fine without him even on a Friday, he slaps an‘OUT OF ORDER’sign on the register he’s been messing with, then leaves.
The idea of it being useless on a Friday, on top of Bill’s absence, threatens to give me a headache, but I shake that off. It’ll be fine. The other bartenders and I have endured worse.
Before I go home, I stop by Wal-Mart for some food I can donate. Shannon said things like canned goods and dry beans are the best, so I grab a basket and head to the aisle I need.
And of all places and times, it’s here and now that I run into Liv. When I round the corner, she’s coming right toward me, pushing a curled-up Rae in a cart along with some chicken noodle soup. The kid is clearly under the weather—she doesn’t even have her eyes open, so she doesn’t see me.
But Liv does.
For a moment, the blue of her eyes isn’t as cloudy as it was the last time I saw her.
In the next moment, that’s not true anymore and she’s someone else. Someone shuttered and tense.
It’s Tuesday fucking night all over again.
I finally protest the abrupt change. “Hey,whatis—?”
She lifts a halting hand and glares between me and Rae, seemingly warning me not to catch her attention.
But why?
No, nevermind. I get it. Rae would probably be happy to see me and her aunt doesn’t want to go down that road. She just wants to get away. Again. And again, I can’t discern a reason why.
I cross my arms and frown at her, decidedly hurt now that I can see her aversion to me is real. I don’t know where it came from, but it hasn’t subsided.
As if on cue, she inhales deeply, lifts her chin, and gives me a goodbye with her eyes. The look is as flat as her tone was the other night.
I don’t know what to say or do, so I just watch her steer the shopping cart around me and walk away.
Something tells me I’m really not going to get a note back from her. She didn’t forget to write one or get too busy to do it—she didn’t answer on purpose.
Indeed, at home, there’s still nothing taped to my door.
I don’t get it. What happened? What did I do?
Well, I’ve been thinking I hadn’t doneanything,but she doesn’t seem to agree.
I try to recall the point at which our ice cream outing went awry. It had something to do with that lady saying how cute we all looked together, but what was it exactly? Her remarks weren’t insulting; we were all openly enjoying each other’s company, so it’s no surprise that someone noticed it.
The headache I imagined would start tomorrow at work seems to be coming on now.
I don’t want to think about this anymore tonight. It’s confusing and, yeah, hurtful.
Shit, man. What is it with the women in my life causing me so much stress?
I take my blues out on a frozen pizza and then get to double-checking that I don’t have clothes I can donate to people in need.
*
In the morning, after I’ve eaten and showered, I feel calmer about whatever is going on with Liv. It’s frustrating and sad because I like her (orliked, I guess, if the current Liv is the new Liv), but…well, I just don’t really have time for this. I don’t have any desire to play games with someone. So if she wants to chill out and talk, I’ll be down for that. If not, then okay. Whatever.
Lolly always gave awesome advice about stuff. Over the years, I heard her say more than once that some people come into your life to stay and others are only meant to be temporary. Doesn’t matter what you want from them, had with them, think about them—if they’re supposed to be temporary, trying to keep your hand around their wrist will only throw off the rest of your life. I’ve listened to that advice before, and I’m going to do it again now.
Thinking of Lolly makes me feel a bit better. Her moods are unpredictable, it’s true, but I’m looking forward to seeing what this morning holds; I definitely need this visit before what’s sure to be a busy day at work. I’ll grab her some more flowers just in case she’s not doing well. They’ll help.
At the store, I see the orange flowers I got for her last time aren’t available today, so I settle for some that are both orange and yellow. They’re still nice and vibrant, so that’s what really matters, right? I snag a small blank card to write on, too. Wouldn’t hurt for her to have my name to look at along with the bouquet.
