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“You’re right: I don’t know what your life has been like. Even after what you said a minute ago, I still don’t know much. But I know enough that I can say I’m not anything like whatever assholes your mom and sister brought around.” He nods toward the front door. “If I were like that dude from earlier, yeah, I can see how you wouldn’t want me anywhere near you guys. But I’m not.”
I only realize how fast my pulse has been when I notice it slowing down.
His words, the tone of his voice, the serious yet unassuming way he’s looking into my eyes…
…it’s all…
…nice.
Melting me a little, somehow.
I have to concede quietly, too, “I know you’re not like him.”
He nods and then promptly shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’m not trying to talk you into anything. I just didn’t understand what happened the other night, and now that you’ve told me, I kind of feel like—well, not like you’re worrying for nothing, but…I mean, if we’re both on the same page about what we want, why would we end up doing something wedon’twant?”
That’s true,agrees the part of me that doesn’t want to completely shut him out.
Is it?asks the other part.
“And,” he goes on thoughtfully, “if you think about it, we really met by accident or something. If you hadn’t had to save me from choking, we probably would’ve kept on like always, just seeing each other now and then, not really ever talking. But change isn’t always a bad thing—even if you didn’t mean for something to happen, that doesn’t automatically make itbad.”
That’s true, too. I didn’t plan on raising Rae, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Really, Kelle getting pregnant in the first place was an accident, but the sweetest kid ever ended up being born.
“I don’t know,” he repeats as he finally leans away from me to slump against the couch again. “We were just having such a good time together. And what you guys did for Lolly—” His voice falters, and he clears his throat. “I’ve just learned that life is short and I sincerely don’t see the harm in you and Rae being my friends. We all seem to make each other happy.”
I look down at my hands as I rub them together.
How can he make something like this sound so easy?
But, honestly, I figured out early on that he’s easy to be around. Talking to him, watching him interact with Rae, and being there for him has never been all that difficult for me. And God knows Rae thinks he’s great.
I think back to yesterday, when she had just gotten up from a nap. She looked at me, hair mussed and eyes tired, and asked hopefully if Landon had come over to say hi or if she dreamt that. When I told her it’d been a dream, she looked sad.
It takes me the better part of a minute to admit to him, eyes still cast down, “Rae misses you.”
“I miss her, too,” he says with a hint of a smile in his voice. “And you. You guys are good at being fun.”
Now I think back to before our ice cream outing got ruined, when he and I debated flavor combinations. And I recall Rae jinxing us at Papa Angelo’s for commenting on the Foo Fighters song at the same time. And I distinctly remember thinking then that Landon was getting cooler by the minute, as he’d previously remarked about me.
Those really had been fun times.
But during them, I hadn’t been using my brain. I’d been off in La-La Land, not thinking about what I was doing.
Had it really been such a bad thing, though?
On one hand, yes. A lot of problems stemmed from my mom and sister never thinking about consequences.
On the other hand, Landon had a point about unplanned things not necessarily being bad.
And….
I scowl at my hands as something occurs to me.
He was right about something else: he’s not like Wyatt or any of the men who blackened my childhood. He’s a good guy.
A good guy who wants a harmless friendship with me.
And I’ve been acting like it would be terrible to allow such a thing.
