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What do I say to words that are so similar to my own thoughts yet also so muchmore?Yeah, I feel like I did something cool today, but I didn’t expect praise for it. Surely I shouldn’t thank her for that. I didn’t volunteer so I’d be commended for it. I did it just to help people who needed help.
It takes me a good couple of minutes to realize what it is, though—what’s thrilled me, what’s made me feel like some sort of giant, fluttery fucking butterfly.
It’s not that Liv is proud of me for doing something for other people.
It’s simplythatLiv is proud of me.
I look at my reflection in the mirror and notice my mouth is hanging open.
That beautiful, compassionate, responsible, just plain lovely girl is proud ofmefor something.
I still can’t fully pinpoint why it makes me so happy; it’s not like I grew up without a supportive family. Lolly and Pop weren’t the critical, spirit-breaking type, or even the indifferent type. The three of us were always a loving, encouraging bunch.
But this does make me happy. It just does.
Once again, she sends another message before I can figure out what to reply with:
Anyway. I was thinking earlier about how you gave Wyatt that $20. I’d like to pay you back for it, but I need a little time, if that’s okay. I get paid in another week.
I blow out a breath, grateful she has changed the subject to something I know how to talk about.
ME:100% you don’t need to pay me back. That dude sucked and I’m glad I got him to fuck off
What a jackass he was. I’ve seen him around a few times and he always seemed pretty ordinary to me, albeit a little immature, like he never really left high school. The latter impression was just based on a phone conversation I heard him having one day, though. I had no idea he’d ever talk to a woman the way I caught him talking to Liv.
He better not try it again,I think in a grumble.I can be a million times happier than I was last night and still not have a minute’s worth of patience for his bullshit.
You just don’t treat a girl like that.
Liv sends me a new message about how I’ve spent enough money on her and Rae, between Papa Angelo’s and ice cream. She feels bad that I had to step into her problem with Wyatt and use my own money to get rid of him, especially since she and I weren’t on the best of terms at the time.
Well, I’m not accepting money from her, but she’s more than a little stubborn, so I try to come up with another solution.
ME:You can pay me back in the form of more of your cooking, haha
After I’ve sent that, I wonder if it sounds like I’m hinting at a date or something. But honestly, although I’m good at cooking and I like doing it, I enjoyed the biscuit stuff she made. It was nice to talk to a friend and eat some good food, even though most of what we talked about was heavy. So if I like talking to her and I like her food, what would be the harm in a trade-off involving those things?
A message signals its arrival with a ding.
LIV-ANDRIA:I can do that. Maybe you can eat with me and Rae after we go to the park on whatever day?
Awesome. She doesn’t see any harm in my suggestion either.
ME:Perfect! Just let me know when she’s feeling up to it. I almost always get off work at 6. Don’t work at all on Sundays and Mondays
LIV-ANDRIA:Okay, I will :)
I smile to myself, then send a smiley back to her.
Then I realize my shower has been running this entire time and I haven’t gotten into it.
I’m just about to tell Liv I have to quit talking for now when she texts and says that very thing, because she and Rae are about to watch a movie. We wish each other a good evening, and I finally get in the shower.
Although work will probably be crazy like yesterday, more or less, I’m not dreading going. I’m feeling solid and good, nowhere near as distraught and overwhelmed as then.
I feel a pang of guilt for not even considering visiting Lolly today—I wasn’t told not to go, just decided on my own that I wouldn’t try.
But I shrug it off. I don’t want to think about that right now, because there’s nothing for it. Her freak-out is still stinging badly even if it’s not as blistering as it was at first, and I don’t know how much time she needs before I attempt another visit.
