Page 75 of Feels Like Forever


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I try to picture Landon as older with dark eyes, and the image just looks weird. I blink it away. “Did she talk to you about him often?”

“Yeah, pretty often.”

On one hand, it seems like it would be hard to hear things about the man who decided he didn’t want him. On the other hand, it isn’t very realistic to expect Lolly to act like her son never existed. “How do you feel about that?”

He gives me a half-smile that seems to say he knows what I’m thinking. Indeed, he replies, “I always felt weird about it because I didn’t know him. A fact that upset me sometimes and didn’t mean anything to me at others.”

I nod. “Makes sense.” After I check that Rae is still in sight and in one piece, I ask, “Have he and your mom ever tried to…you know...talk to you at all?”

His gaze drifts away from me. “Nope.”

Assholes.

“I mean, Lolly has talked to him over the years, but not too frequently. She and Pop were never very surprised by it—I even heard Pop say once that he figured right away my dad wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of a baby. He was a troublemaker and was into drugs and theft and stuff. So, no, I was never something he cared about. Even when he got older, whenever he spoke with Lolly or Pop, it wasn’t to ask about me. He never came around or wrote me or sent stuff on my birthdays.”

Yeah,hugeasshole.

Frowning, I study Landon. He’s looking toward where Rae is, his ink-black hair mussed out of its casual style by the few warm breezes that have swept through since we arrived. Even though he’s mostly here with me on this blanket, there’s some unfocused disappointment in his eyes.

I’m struck by how odd—and sad—it is that I’ve known him for a little over a month and I’m more familiar with his face than his parents are. I know there’s a bit of gold in the middle of his green irises. I know his nose is perfectly straight. I know he has a small scar on the outside edge of his right eyebrow….

He glances over at me, and I quickly switch my attention to the container of cookies next to me. “What about your mom?” I fish out a cookie and take a bite.

“Um…I know her name and that she had hot pink hair when she was pregnant with me. I know my grandparents didn’t like her because she had a horrible attitude toward everyone, even my dad and even me, despite that she only spent a month with me.” He pauses for a second and then continues reflectively, “And it’s funny: the only memory I have of her is one I didn’t realize I had for a long time. I’ve never liked dogs—when I was a kid, I’d freak out and throw a fit if one gotanywherenear me—and I eventually learned my mom had a dog that bit me when I was just a couple weeks old. The fear stuck with me even though I don’t remember being bitten.”

I send him a look of shock. “What? Jesus! When you werea couple weeksold?”

“Mmhmm.” He wiggles his left foot. “I have some scars around my ankle.”

“I bet! Did anything happen to the dog?”

“Nope. Pop said he tried to shoot it, but my mom wouldn’t let him. She’d had that dog her whole life.”

“Oh,stupid.You were her child.”

“Yeah….”

The tone of his voice seems to add,‘That didn’t end up mattering much to her, huh?’

Out loud, he says, “Anyway, no, nothing ever happened to the dog. But Lolly did tell my mom offbig time, I hear.”

“Well, that’s good.” I roll my eyes. “Rest of it is horrible.”

“I know.”

“And you’ve never talked to her either?”

“Nah. She’s not even with my dad anymore—Lolly told me years ago that he hadn’t seen her in forever. I guess it’s no big shock since they had me when they were teenagers. Maybe they’d have lasted longer if they tried to be a family with me, but knowing what I know about them, I think it’s better that they didn’t try.”

“I completely agree. Bad parents put their kids through bad things. I’m glad you didn’t have to go through hell.”

He nods.

We go quiet.

I watch Rae play while I polish off my cookie and empty my bottle of water. I may need another one before our outing wraps up; it’s still warmer than I’d like out here. Even though we don’t see a lot of really cold weather, it should be cooling off before too long, and I can’t wait.

A kid goes down a slide too quickly and ends up on her butt on the ground. Rae hurries over to help her up, and it warms my heart.

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