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Not me. Ricky made enough money as the co-owner of a gym which he started with his best friend, and he wanted me to stay home. To cook and clean. After graduating college, I could’ve accepted a job offer as a personal assistant to a lawyer at a private law firm, but Ricky told me to reject it. It was a mistake, but I couldn’t imagine how angry he would’ve gotten if I did take the job.
Their voices got louder and were filled with laughter. I was tired, and while noise usually didn’t bother me, I couldn’t get my mind to shut off. I reached for my iPad on the bedside table and unlocked it to open up Netflix. I searched for a movie I’d seen a million times before, knowing its songs would help me tune out Ricky and Jake’s voices.
OnceBe My Babystarted playing and the opening credits appeared on the screen, I curled up and watched Dirty Dancing until I fell asleep again.
3
HADLEY
“If you hadn’t left the damn window open, I wouldn’t be sick right now! When will you fucking learn to care about others instead of just yourself? You don’t live alone in this apartment!” Ricky was shouting right in my face. Drops of his spit landed on my face while he talked, and I flinched every time he lifted his hands. I had once again done something to upset him, and this time, I had a feeling that the beating I would take would be far worse.
“I’m sorry—”
A sharp pain sliced through me, leaving my cheek throbbing. It burned, and I stumbled back when he slapped me a second time.
“How the fuck am I supposed to go to dinner if I’m fucking sick, huh? You ruin everything for me! This dinner is fucking important and you ruined it for me!”
I knew he was exaggerating because he would end up going to that dinner. He wasn’t sick. He had a simple cold. One I often dealt with in the winter and got over in a few days. While I had those colds, I could still run errands and clean the house, do the dishes, and wash all our clothes. And he couldn’t go to a simple dinner where he would just sit and eat all night.
I hit the back of my knees against the couch and fell back, landing on the soft cushion instead of the hard floor for once. I covered my cheek with my right hand, hoping for my tears to finally roll down my face. “I’m sorry,” I repeated, unable to say anything else.
“Should’ve used your brain before you got me sick,” he spat with a shake of his head. He turned away and disappeared in the bedroom before walking back out with clothes in his hands.
Like I had anticipated…he’d go to that dinner because the cold he had wasn’t bad at all.
I watched him walk toward the bathroom, but before he entered, he turned to face me with an angry look on his face. “When I get home, I want this whole place spotless. And do something useful for once instead of sitting in front of the damn TV all day.”
If I had a job I wouldn’t be sitting at home all day.
Ricky was gone only thirty minutes later, sounding all excited and happy as he spoke to his friend on the phone. I couldn’t explain why he acted this way, but it sure as hell made me want to become a person I wasn’t. Maybe having that serial killer coming to take his life wasn’t such a bad idea.Maybe I should kill him.
I frowned at the vile thoughts I was having and tried my hardest to push them aside. But I couldn’t. Why was Ricky allowed to hurt me and I wasn’t? Why couldn’t I use my hands to hurt him? Or one of his belts? Why was I not allowed to let out my anger on him? Why did I have to endure all this pain without him suffering any consequences?
Because you don’t speak up.
It was a hard truth I didn’t want to believe because deep down I knew I could never admit to myself that I had been enduring all this for way too long instead of speaking up for myself and seeking help. I had my chances to ask for help but I never did. That was weak of me.God, how could I be so damn stupid?!
I blamed myself for everything. I was stupid enough to fall for Ricky’s charms, and then stay with him when things got bad. I stayed in the hopes to change him, but all that caused was him hating me more, while my heart kept beating for him. For whatever reason. I couldn’t explain it.
Maybe I lacked a family that I could ask for support through this. Or friends. But I had none of that. Long story short: I grew up in foster care, never knew my real parents, and moved to a new city to go to college. I had my life together and did it all myself, then Ricky came into my life, and everything changed.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, pulling my brown hair into a low ponytail. I stared at myself, my eyes still red from crying, and my cheek still burning from the pain Ricky had caused earlier. A small bruise was starting to appear under my right eye but it was barely visible. It wasn’t as bad as other times he turned my face black and blue.
The doorbell made me jump, and I checked myself in the mirror one last time before walking over to the door. I peeked through the peephole and saw Wilson standing outside. I immediately felt a sensation I normally didn’t feel. Excitement? Joy? Wilson was a fun guy, and maybe him coming to my door so often meant something.
No. He has a girlfriend and I’m with Ricky.
I sighed, then put on my best smile before opening the door. “Hi, Wilson. What’s up?”
His smile was as charming as usual, and his outfit hadn’t changed from the day he last stood outside my door. I knew he worked somewhere downtown and I often saw him out on the parking lot early in the mornings when I prepared breakfast for Ricky, but I never asked him what he did for a living. He seemed to have a stable life. A good life. One he was in control of. “Hey, pretty. Just wanted to bring you this.”
I dropped my gaze to the milk he was holding, and a laugh bubbled up inside of me at the sweet gesture. “You shouldn’t have.”
“But I wanted to. Take it.” He handed me the milk and I took it from him, smiling up at him.
“Thank you. That’s very sweet of you. How have you been?”
“Good. Nothing to complain about. You?”
