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“I’m not saying we should shirk our responsibilities, but we’ve been at the forefront of this conflict long enough. You have I have been shadow-ruling Solarem for too long. Let Xavier do something for once.”
I grab my top and pull it on. “You don’t mean that. This is your fear talking.”
“The fuck I don’t mean it.” Essos sits up quickly and cups my face. “Me being a king made you a target for Posey. I’m not looking to repeat that experience ever again.”
I slip out of Essos’s grip and stand. “I was dead for a thousand years. I wasn’t resurrected to be held captive in this house like a doll. I want to start living again.”
Essos runs his hands down his face, then he rises and pulls on his pants. “Am I not enough?”
The vulnerability in his voice plays on my every weakness. His back is turned to me now, and he’s pretending to look for his shirt, which is thrown over the back of the couch right in front of him.
I wrap my arms around his middle and rest my cheek against his spine. “You are the thing that keeps my heart beating. You are more than enough. You are my everything, and that’s why I can’t let you do something that’s not true to you. Your decision is being made from a place of fear when it needs to be made from a place of strength.”
Essos gives a derisive snort but covers my hands with his, entwining our fingers so we’re connected. “What if my father was wrong, and I never should have been king?”
“What if you had let that chariot maim me? There is no point in worrying about what-ifs. The life we have is this one—the one in which you are anamazingking who loves and protects your people as best you can. We were caught off guard by Posey, but now we know better, and we won’t let it happen again.” I kiss his back then rub my nose along his spine. “Your father was only wrong in underestimating Posey, just like we all were. The best decision he made was picking you to be king. You’ve been there to help people during some of the most traumatic parts of their lives. You’ve been there to catch Xavier when he needed help. Never doubt yourself.”
“What if I can’t do this?” His words are barely more than a whisper.
“Do what?” I release him so I can move around him to look him in the face.
“Be a father.”
I can’t help it. I smile as I reach up to touch his cheek. “You can, and you will. You don’t have a choice.”
Essos’s gaze shifts from me to my barely-there swell. “There seems to be a lot of that going around. But this—you, our baby—will always be a choice I make. I will choose you both every day.”
He brushes his lips against my forehead before folding me against his chest.
CHAPTER4
Essos might think our conversation is over, but it’s not.
Far from it.
I gaze around our dining room at the gods and goddesses assembling before me. Xavier is trying to make the meeting we’ve organized sound more important by calling it a war council, but really, it’s just an informational gathering for those who were not so quick to buy what Posey is selling. It took time to get twenty gods to agree to meet, but as I look around, I see that there are at least two dozen here. I’m lucky my dining room and table can expand to fit everyone.
Posey continues to play the injured spouse. Xavier might be staying at our apartment in Solarem, but he won’t step foot into the city. She recently put out a bounty on him, saying she wants to question him about his involvement in removing the veil between the realms. The veil is still broken, something the two Fates on our side are looking into. It’s another reason I want to go to the human realm—I want to see firsthand the damage that is being wrought.
Meanwhile, Xavier is lucky the doorman to our building has his loyalties straight and forewarned him of Posey’s bounty. Ever since, Luca has made sure to deliver whatever Xavier might need to the door. That is, when Xavier actually spends time there. For the most part, he spends his days here, trying to not crowd Cat while also keeping an eye on her.
In front of me on the table are platters of food, none of them with tacos. I scowl.
Essos pushes a plate of fruit toward me.
“You could fix this so easily,” I hiss while we wait for everyone to settle down. To be fair, I could also fix it, but since starting my second trimester, any time I try to change food, it seems the baby has their own idea about what they want. I’ve tried on more than one occasion to fulfill a craving only to find that this little pomegranate has tastes that align with their father’s. I’ll never forget the betrayal of bacon turned celery.
“You’re right, I could, but I won’t.” He tilts his head toward me, all adorable-like.
“And why not?”
“Because you should be eating veggies and fruits.”
“Essos, I love you, but if you keep withholding tacos because I should be eating better, I promise the next time you want to put your—”
“I’m calling this meeting to order!” Xavier booms.
I narrow my eyes at Essos, and he just flashes me a grin, squeezing my knee under the table.
