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“Then you need to butt out. It’s bad enough that I had to be reminded several times today that we’re not actually married anymore. I really,reallywant to go to my room, throw myself down on the bed, and cry like a Disney Princess, but I can’t.” My emotions start to choke me, and if I do keep going, Iwillcry. Not only does the pregnancy mean my safety is paramount, but it also means my hormones can have my emotions turning on a single thought.
“That’s right, you can’t, because you’re a queen, and better yet, this is your castle.”
“Damn straight,” Dion says, approaching us.
I lower my feet and get up to greet him. “Do you even know what you’re agreeing with?” I ask as he folds me into a tight hug.
“With you, it doesn’t matter.” Dion winks at me, and Helene and Kai take advantage of Essos’s argument with Xavier to come over too. Kai’s hug is like it always is, big and all-consuming, and he lifts me off my feet. I owe so much to this mountain of a man who did everything he could to support me, including train me, while Essos was unable to be here himself.
“Can everyone stop manhandling my wife?” Essos asks, hastening over, completely cutting Xavier off. My protective husband pulls me into his side, slinging an easy arm around me.
“You’re acting like she’s the first pregnant goddess ever,” Xavier scolds, following him. Essos gives him a withering look that Xavier actually shrinks away from.
“You’ve had her all to yourself since everything went to shit.” Helene slides her arms over my shoulders for a sideways hug because Essos won’t let me go. “You told us all to stay away, and we did, so now let us enjoy your baby momma.”
“She is a lot more than my baby momma, and I resent that. She needed rest.”
“Sheis standing right here, and what do you mean, you told everyone to stay away?” I turn to face Essos slowly. He doesn’t even look apologetic, just lifts his chin.
Our conversation about my trying to rest had nothing to do with keeping people from me.
“You went through a lot. I thought it was best that there was less traffic in the house and you had time to relax and not worry about much. Is it a bad thing that I wanted you all to myself?”
At Essos’s response, Finn and Dion shrink away from us.
I think I might actually see red when I turn on him. “You thought itbest?” My eyelid might twitch off from the anger coursing through my body, hot and ugly. Our conversations are apparently caught in a loop, because we’ve talked about this—that I’m not made of glass, that he agrees he won’t hold me back—and then Essos sidelines me anyway.
“Yes. You’re pregnant. You almost died several times. Galen almost stabbed you. Posey held a dagger to your neck and to your womb. Your best friend died in your arms. My father was murdered in front of you. Shall I keep going, or is going back over the twenty-four hours before I made that decision enough?”
“Oh, yes, Essos, tell me all the ways that my life has been threatened and how only you, a man, can protect me.”
Everyone left in the room starts to back away from us.
“I think that was sarcasm, but in the event you were serious… Posey quite possibly still wants you dead for whatever perceived slight you have committed. I am not going to risk your life, I’m not going to let you risk our child’s life, over your pride.”
I laugh in his face, poking him in the chest. It drives him back a step, and I keep going. “Mypride. You’re worried about my pride? Essos, love, when in our lives has ordering me aroundeverbeen a good idea? When has it ever gotten you what you wanted? You think that because I’m pregnant, I should become this thing that is less than who I am, and if that isn’t prideful ofyou,I don’t know what is!”
Essos grips my cheeks. “Daphne, I don’t want you to be any less than you are, but please, for one minute, see things through my eyes.Please. I held you as you bled out. I had to watch you choose Galen, knowing what he did to you, knowing you had none of that knowledge yourself when you made that call. I had to hear about him hurting you and touching you and kissing you. I had to hear, secondhand, about him trying to take liberties withmy wife.I had to do all of this while I was powerless to stop anything. I was in a situation where my hands were tied and yes, in the grand scheme of our lives, that was a drop in the bucket, but it isn’t something I can shrug off and pretend didn’t happen. I can’t pretend that I don’t want to wrap you in a protective bubble until this is over and resolved. I would do it in a heartbeat, and maybe you would be angry with me and hate me for it, but it would be worth it if it meant you were safe.”
I can’t look away from how shredded Essos looks as he tells me this. And damned if it doesn’t hurt me too, to think of all the ways he’s been broken when it comes to me. But I had to live those things, and I’m not backing down, not now, because this sort of trauma isn’t going to heal itself over time.
Essos runs his thumbs over my cheeks as he holds me, trying to soothe the hurt, but it doesn’t matter. I am hurt by this, even if his motives do make sense.
“I love you, Essos, and I get what you’re concerned about, I do, but I have had no autonomy for almost the last year. I am figuring out what my life looks like in the midst of constant calamity. Being pregnant does not make me less. It does not mean that I am weak. It just means I have more to fight for. Don’t assume that I’m going to brazenly jump into danger because I’m back. I understand better than most just how fragile life is. I get what it means to die. I understand what it is to lose. I’m not willing to lose again, and that means not losing the support of the people I need and love in my life. You can’t isolate me from our friends and family because you think I need to rest. I’m your wife, not someone who’s incapable of making my own decisions.”
I stretch up and kiss Essos, because despite my fury at him for trying to control the situation, he means everything to me, and I can understand, once I look past my rage, why he did what he did. But I’m still angry about it. I needed him during those two weeks, but I know that when he wasn’t by my side, he was meeting with Xavier or Kai.
I’m wondering how much of the last few weeks was actually quiet and how much turmoil he hid from me. It’s like we just jumped back five spaces, and I hate how insecure that makes me feel. He is the thing I should feel the most secure about, but how can I do that if he doesn’t trust me?
“As atrociously cute as you two are, can we get back to dealing with my ex-wife?” Xavier asks imperiously.
“When did you find time to divorce her?” I ask, stepping away from Essos to grab a chip off the table. I think I’ve earned some junk food, especially if it’s just the one.
Halfway to my mouth, it turns into a carrot. This is a step too far, and the anger that’s been simmering becomes an overflowing boil. I turn to my husband and chuck the carrot at him. Mid-flight, it turns into a leaf and drops harmlessly to the floor. Clearly, we still have a lot to work on.
“That wasn’t me,” he says defensively, holding up his hands.
“Why waste my money on a divorce when killing her will work just as well?” Xavier’s tone is flippant, but he purses his lips as if upset by the idea of killing Posey.
