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“No. We cannot find another way. We cannot wait. Our people—the people we are meant to serve—are suffering. The people of earth are suffering. Callie and Xavier will have to monitor the baby. They’re healers. I trust Xavier.” I trust that he will protect me and the baby, if for no reason other than to not let Cat down.
“Are you sure?” Xavier asks, sounding skeptical.
“Yes. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of being the fragile child of Spring. I’m tired of being underestimated. Being pregnant doesn’t change who I am; it just means I need to be more cautious.”
“Of course, my queen,” Essos replies, a touch of pride in his voice.
CHAPTER17
Essos lazily strokes my stomach as we lie in bed. After our unofficial meeting, he ordered everyone out. Xavier, Kai, and Finn took Cat to the water to practice again. Dion, Callie, and Helene stayed on the porch to watch, and the Fates returned to the library with Zara, eager to sort out this ceremony.
“I don’t love this,” he starts.
I swat his hand and turn on my side. “Then you don’t have to touch it.”
“You misunderstand. I lovethis.” He rubs his hand along the curve of my stomach then up to my breasts to cup my face. “I don’t love you risking your life.” He’s been quiet about the conversation from this morning. He hasn’t brought up again how he hates any plan that involves both of us bleeding out. I haven’t asked him about finding Callie and the secrets he kept. I know when he’s ready to tell me about it, he will.
“We both are,” I point out, covering his hand with mine.
“Two lives are not on the line as I bleed.” He pauses. “I’d like to ask my mother to be there for the ceremony.”
I sit up abruptly. Essos closes the distance between us.
“What for?” I ask. Even before this whole mess, she was never the person he would call in a crisis.
“Because she’s a skilled healer. She has the power to keep you and our child alive. She needs to do this to prove to us that we should bring Galen back to life.”
I sink back, accepting his argument. I wouldn’t mind having the Goddess Supreme on hand to keep me and my family alive. But I don’t trust her—I can’t—and it would be a lie to say that this idea doesn’t cause me any fear. “Did you know? About Lairus?”
“You picked up on that, did you?” Essos dances around my question, brushing at some lint on the bed that I think is visible only to him.
“You’re my husband. Of course, I did. I often know what you’re thinking before you’ve had a chance to think it.”
He smirks. “I suspected. I mean, it was plausible that Galen just took very, very strongly after our mother, but even Helene had the same eyes and nose as our father. Galen had nothing. I can’t remember the last time I saw Lairus, though, so if I ever thought Galen’s father might be the Sun God, I couldn’t say.”
“You think this is why your father summoned Kai from the seas?”
“I would bet money on it. Sometimes, I forget he’s gone. I forget that Posey killed him.” There is sadness and pain in his voice. There is so much we still have to talk about—Titus’s death, what happened with Galen during the Trials, my missing memories, but we ignore these subjects like the elephants in the room that they are.
“I don’t feel great about Sybil and Estelle changing their tune about bringing Titus back. They were very clear after saving Cat that they couldn’t do it.”
“I don’t either, but if it keeps Helene motivated and open to working with Octavia, maybe it will be enough.”
I frown. “You don’t find it cruel that they’re willing to play with your sister’s desires like that? How long did Posey dangle me in front of you like a carrot, but all you got was a stick?”
“But Ididget you back,” he whispers, brushing a kiss against my lips.
“That makes it worse, Essos. Helene won’t get her father back. She’ll get hit with a stick, and it’s going to bring her fury down on the world we will have just worked hard to fix.”
“What would Helene do that is truly so bad?”
I give Essos a gentle smack, my lips twisting into a wry smile. “Have you never heard of the phrase hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? It doesn’t have to be a man that does the scorning. This lie will hurt her in ways I don’t think anyone is prepared for.”
He contemplates my words, what it would mean to hurt Helene so deeply. She’s strong and has the support of Kai and the rest of us, but I’m not sure she would ever forgive us for going along with this farce. I know I wouldn’t.
“I’ll speak with Sybil separately and find out exactly what they’re thinking about the possibility of bringing Titus back. But that will happen after our nuptials and after we’ve properly consummated our marriage.” Essos shifts so his face is buried in my neck. I giggle as he kisses me. His teeth scrape against the hickey he left me earlier.
“I think it’s a little late to consummate. I am already with child, dear,” I point out with a laugh.
