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My gut tells me he’s talking more about himself than about me right now. Bitterness and regret coat every word. My heart is breaking in this moment. For this man. For us. Doesn’t he know he doesn’t have to carry this, whateverthisis, alone? I want to hold him, to comfort him. To tell him he can trust me. That I’m here. And that no matter what…
“I’m in love with you, Callisto.”
Nothing like a near-death experience to open your eyesto all the things you’ve kept hidden behind the curtains of security. I’ve been falling in love with Callisto Suppato for a while now. If I’m completely honest, he’s been collecting little pieces of my heart since the very first night he walked up in his baseball cap and interrupted my reunion with Reid. Now he has the whole thing. It’s beaten, broken, and bruised, but it’s his. Completely.
I told Callisto I love him, and I’m met with silence.
He closes his eyes and tilts his head back, his face to the sky.
Maybe he’s praying I’ll take it back.
My throat is dry, thick, heavy from the weight of the words I said. I hold my breath and wait for his response. Something. Anything. I band my arms around my middle and chew the inside of my cheek. I pull my lip between my teeth, wincing when it stings from the cut. My side burns where the knife nicked me. The night air bites at my skin, sending goosebumps up my arms. My mind is reeling from everything that’s happened in the last ten minutes. But none of that is as bad as waiting for an answer. Any answer.
He doesn’t say it back and he doesn’t answer my questions. He just breathes in, then looks back down at me with deep brown, sorrowful eyes. Silent. Haunted. Like a graveyard full of skeletons—or ghosts—are buried behind them.
I wait. Count to ten quietly in my head, and still nothing.
“I didn’t mean to complicate things. I need to go.” My throat burns. The words physically pain me to say.
I will not cry.
I want to.
I need to.
But I refuse to.
Callisto doesn’t say a word. He just watches me get into my car and drive away.
The moment I’m out of the parking lot, watching him in my rearview mirror, the first tear falls.
21
Callisto
She’s in love with me.
She. Is. In love.
With me.
Those words yanked my world right from its roots and flipped it upside down. If I tell her everything, will she still feel the same? If I show her my soul, the darkness inside, will she still love me?
Over the years, I’ve learned that observation is a greater weapon than conversation. The quieter you become, the more you hear.
Silence is a language I am fluent in.
But love? That shit is brand new.
Do I love Makenna?
Not a minute goes by that I’m not thinking of her in some way. I don’t ever want to wake up without her in bed beside me. And the only reason I’m letting her drive away right now is because I memorized that asshole’s tags, and I’m about to make sure he never touches anyone again. I’ll cut a thousand fingers off a thousand hands if it means making sure no one ever touches her. And hearing those words come from her lips made me feel weightless, like all the heavy shit I’ve been carrying around for years suddenly floated away.
I feel her. Deep in my soul. In that unrelenting place where nothing is shaken. Where everything is sure. Late at night, when I wear the burdens of my day on my shoulders, she is the stillness that dwells within my soul.
Is that love?
Perhaps.
