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“Just checking in if you’re done acting like a big whiny shit who’s all alone against the world. Any updates?”
I blink again. “Listen, I know being mean is your whole shtick, but— ”
“I think it’syours, actually.”
“Excuse me?”
His green eyes harden. “Have you, at any point in the last week, considered that deciding to ostrich your way through the biggest scandal FIDE has seen in the past thirty years might affect people whoaren’tyou?”
“What’s happening has nothing to do with me. Koch cheated. Good on him.” My breath paints the air white. “I’m done with chess.”
“Ah, yes. You are. Because boo- hoo, your boyfriend paid for your salary without asking for anything in return and didn’t tell you. Cry me the fucking Nile.”
I stiffen. “You have no idea what— ”
“And I don’t care. You want to be mad at Sawyer for not disclosing? Go ahead. Chuck his PS5 out of the window, I don’t give a shit.” He steps closer. “I’m here to talk about Defne, and the fact that aftereverythingshe has done for you, you’re ruining her life.”
“I’m not ruining . . .” I hug myself. My goose bumps are fat little hills on my arms. “I’m not.”
“She acts as your trainer and manager. Which means that FIDE has been hounding her for confirmation that you will attend.”
“Well, I’m done with chess and everyone involved in it. She can tell them that I won’t.”
“Oh, yes, sure. She’ll just tell them that. ‘Sorry, guys, Mal had a domestic with her boytoy and is outta here.’ It won’t in any way impact her credibility or her standing in the chess community, the fact that the player she vouched for disappeared from the face of the earth. That the player she bent over backward to get into tournaments turned out to be the selfish, flaky— ”
“Wait, what? She didn’t. I only ever participated in open tournaments.”
He scoffs. “Opendoesn’t mean walk-ins welcome. There’s still a selection process, and people need to prove their credentials— of which you hadnone. Defne made sure you could play in Philly and Nashville. She paid for you to go there, and let you keep one hundred percent of your earnings. And now FIDE is considering unaccrediting Zugzwang, because Defne’s star player is refusing to be in the World Championship, because . . .” He gives me a withering look. “Why?”
Anger bubbles up. “Defneliedto me.”
“Ah, yes.” He rolls his eyes. “How, precisely?”
“She didn’t tell me Nolan gave her the money.”
“Even though you asked. Despicable of her.”
“I didn’t ask, but— ”
“Of course you didn’t. You were told that the money came from donors, did not ask follow-up questions, and now you’re high- horsing her into the ground.”
I glare. “Oz— why are you even here? How do you know all this stuff? Why would Defne tell you . . .” He’s looking at me like I’m the dimmest bulb in the cookie jar. And I am. “Wait. You and Defne aren’t . . . ?”
He ignores me. “Do you think chess clubs are a lucrativeenterprise? That Defne makes bank? Rethink that. She bought Zugzwang because she wanted to create an environment in whicheveryonefelt welcome in chess. To prevent others from feeling the way she had. And she has to rely on donors. Sawyer has been one of those donors for years, and here’s what happened: yes, he gave her the funds to track you down and offer you the job. But when you refused the fellowship, Defne started looking intootherpossible players to sponsor. Because Sawyer’s donation was just that— a gift with no strings attached.”
I swallow. “He was involved in me losing my job. I’m sure of it.” Almost.
“Maybe.” Oz shrugs. “I wouldn’t put it past him. But Defne? She never wanted anything from you except to see you succeed. Which is the reason she’s not here pointing out how much of a whiny little bitch you’re being, or suing you for breach of contract. But I have no such qualms, Mal. I don’t care if you come back to readLove in the Time of Cholerawhile you should be studyingModern Chess Openings. Youoweit to Defne to see this year through. And to have a conversation with her about the World Championship. To help her deal with FIDE without losing face.”
He takes a step back. His perennial belligerent air deflates a little, and for once he seems more open than irritated. “Listen. I try hard not to learn things about the people around me, but . . . I’ve heard about your father. I know you take care of your family. I know you’re dealing with stuff like”— his chin points at my yard— “that rusty trampoline. But if you unzip your asshole and pry your head out of it, you might realize that there’s more to life than feeling sorry for yourself.” He nods once and then turns around, hopping gracefully down the slippery porch steps.
I watch him walk away, a confused mix of anger that feels a lot like guilt swirling through me. I didn’t ask Defne to train me. I didn’taskNolan to sponsor me. All I ever asked was for Dad to not cheat on Mom in front of me, for him not to die, for Mom not to get sick, for my life to benormal. How dare Oz, from his Alps of privilege, treat me likeIam the spoiled little girl?
“You don’t know me,” I yell after him. A cliché— that’s who I am.
“And I don’t particularly care to.” He opens the driver’s door of his Mini. “Not if this is who you are.”
When I slump against the inside of the door, the house feels impossibly hot. I take a deep breath and order myself to calm down.
