AllFreeNovel
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So I bolt. I leave the Aronofsky convo behind and march down the hallway. I don’t bother knocking— just open the door and let myself in Nolan’s room. Not my best idea, since he just took off his shirt and is wearing only his jeans.
I lean back against the door.Shit. What am I doing?
“That hung queen,” he says with a small smile, like me barging in is as natural as sundown. He’s fit and well muscled. I wonder when he finds time to work out, to look like that. “Though I’m sure Tanu and Emil appreciated the win— ”
“Can you please explain?”
“Explain?”
“Last night”— I gesture confusedly— “and then this morning, and then today, tonight, justnow.”
He tilts his head. “Yes. Thatishow time works.”
“No, I— ” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I hate this.”
“Hate what?”
“That I’m here asking you . . . that you’re in my head, and I— ” I run a hand down my face. “No. Listen . . . I don’t care. I’m notsupposedto care about whether you . . . I’m not supposed to be thinking about you at all— I have afamilyto take care of. Shit to get done. But youkissme, then ignore me like nothing happened— ”
“Right.” He crosses his arms. “That’syourmove, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“You’re the one who ignores people. Leave them behind before they leave you, right? Spare yourself the mortifying ordeal of being known.”
“That’s unfair.” I push away from the door. Begin pacing inside the room. “It’s different. I don’t usually— I haveresponsibilities. I don’t have time tomoon, Nolan. I cannot be distracted by people who don’t need me, but then you—you— ”
My eyes catch on something on his desk, buried under a pile of chess books that’s not unlike something Dad would set aside to make room for me on the couch.
It’s the German Chess flier. From Toronto. From the night we . . .
“The tic- tac- toe sheet.”
“What?” He comes to stand behind me. “Oh, yeah.”
It’s on his nightstand, preserved like a trophy. He brought it from Toronto, to Moscow, to his apartment in New York, tohere. Warmth spreads in my stomach.
I resist it. Bite the inside of my cheek. Then give in, and ask. “Why did you keep it?”
“It made me think of you.”
His arms close around my rib cage, right below my breasts, and I close my eyes. “Why would you keep something that makes you think of me?”
I feel him shrug. “Because I think of you anyway, Mallory.”
I turn around. Break contact. This is unbearable. This closeness with him. These tugs toward him, deep in my stomach. It’s what I’ve been avoiding— something that I know can only end in lies and betrayal. I’ve seen it happen before.
“What do you want from me, Nolan, and— will you please stopsmiling.”
“I’m not.” He grins wider.
“I’m serious, if you don’t quit smiling.”
“That’s not a threat. It’s not even a grammatically correct sentence.”
“What do you want from me? What are we . . .” I bury my face in my hands. This is too raw. Too untraveled. Too risky and confusing. “I don’t understand why you’re in my head.”
“You’re in mine, too. But I know why.”
