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I nod, but I doubt there’s anything this man can do to me that I won’t enjoy. He leans forward as much as he can, latching his hands onto the back of my thighs, and pushing them up until they hit my chest. I feel so exposed in the position that a hot flush sears through me, but it only makes me hotter and more desperate.
He gently fondles my ass, squeezing my cheeks in his large hands as he pulls them apart and stares at my hole. “How pretty and pink, looks like it’s going to be a tight squeeze.”
“Are you going to fuck me?” I squeak out, and I hate how weak I sound at this moment.
“No, not yet.” He hums to himself as he traces his finger down my crease. “Have you ever had any fingers up here?”
I gulp. “No.”
He nods pensively. I’m entirely unprepared and thoroughly scandalized when he bends down and licks one single stripe up my crack, only stopping momentarily to flutter his tongue against my hole. I throw back my head with a moan. He pulls my cheeks farther apart, teasing at my rim, poking and prodding until I can feel himinsideme.
I look down just as he looks up. He pulls back for a moment and brings two fingers up to his mouth, sucking and licking them obscenely as his eyes continue to bore into mine. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as his fingers disappear from my view, and my breath hitches when I feel them pressing against my hole.
“Deep breath for me, babe,” he whispers, squeezing the inside of my thigh when I wince. “Just let me in.”
I do, letting out a deep breath that’s paired with a moan as he breeches me.
“How does it feel?”
“Like I can feel you everywhere,” I say, trembling and arching my back when he works them deeper into me.
“That’s right. Feel me deep inside you. Feel me stuffing you with my fingers,” he says, a cocky smirk on his lips when I cry out as he scissors his fingers inside me. “Let me finger fuck you until you come.”
“Okay—Fuck!” I shout, blessed with nothing but bright zaps of pleasure when he reaches somewhere deep inside me. “Noah!”
“There it is,” he coos. “I love it when you scream my name.”
And that’s all I can do. Just scream his name, whine for him, beg him to keep fucking me with his fingers. He takes me back down the back of his throat, and I see stars. The obscenely filthy sound of his fingers fucking my ass rings through the van as he brings me closer and closer to ecstasy. Nothing has ever felt this good. Nothing has ever lit me up like this. Nothing has ever made me feel so…
“Noah!” I shout, unable to control myself as I come down his throat, breathing out on a long shaky exhale. “Yes!”
Noah pulls back and looks thoroughly satisfied with himself. I whimper when he pulls his fingers out of me, already feeling the phantom loss and the deep ache in my ass.
He crawls over the console and kisses me, and it’s so much gentler than it was before. I think it’s meant to comfort me, meant to reassure me, and meant to make me forget what a horrible idea this was.
Forgive me, Father.
I break away from him, panting against his lips. “Noah—”
“I’m keeping the cage,” he says, nuzzling his nose against mine. “You don’t have to punish yourself for wanting this.”
“But I do.”
Oh, how I wish that didn’t have to be true. I wish that I could accept this side of myself. I wish that I could live as boldly and freely as he does. I wish that the circumstance was different, and I could enjoy this post-orgasmic haze, but I can’t.
Pain. Numbness.
“Again. Do it again until you feel His forgiveness.”
Disappointment flashes through those pretty hazel eyes. For a moment, Noah looks as young as he is, but that’s quickly schooled when he pulls away from me. He gets back into his seat as I awkwardly fumble for my pants. He grips the steering wheel and drops his head against it, rubbing his forehead back and forth against the wheel before turning to me.
“Jarred…that’s enough. I’m not going to play this game with you,” he says, firmly and with a conviction I wish I could have. “If you want this to go any further between us, the God talk has to stop. I’m done hearing about how wrong I am. If we’re going to do this, it’s enough.”
I pause halfway through buckling my belt. “I—”
“No,” he says as he starts the car. “I’ll give you time to think about it.”
He doesn’t say anything else as he begins to drive back to camp. That’s fine by me because he’s given me too much to think about. Do I want this to happen again? More than anything. Can it? It shouldn’t.
