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“The stress is real,” said Mariana’s husband. “I’m running through the house in my boxers, clutching a baseball bat, thinking through whether or not I’m going to be able to keep some crazed, druggie creep off Mariana, thinking that I can’t let her down. So, okay, he’s never actually there, but—”
“And you think Mariana is not having stress in bed, waiting for you, worried about your safety?” said Hiljd.
“I mean, I’m not,” said Mariana. “If I thought someone was really out there, sweetie, I wouldn’t send you. I didn’t know it was freaking you out so much. Next time, let’s just check it out together.”
He turned to her. “No, baby, you got to stay in bed. I wouldn’t make you get up.”
“Well, I don’t mean to take advantage of you.” She rubbed his arm.
They gazed into each other’s eyes.
“We should go,” said Mariana, not looking up.
“Yeah, Merry Christmas, everyone,” said her husband.
The two, arm in arm, got up and excused themselves. They were clearly going home to fuck, and Gunnar felt like a dick for turning this conversation in the way he had.
Hiljd gazed after them.
Hiljd’s mother shook her head. “And this is why you’ll never find a man,” she said to her daughter. “Because you’re likethis.”
“I like how she is,” said Gunnar.
Hiljd looked at him, shaking her head. “No, you don’t. This was a really dumb idea.”
“I do,” he said. “I like you.”
“This whole thing with us,” she moaned. Then, she yawned. “Can you just take me home?”
“Hiljd!” said her mother. “What are you doing? Don’t chase him off.”
“Trust me,” said Hiljd to her mother witheringly. “He knows about the baby now. He’s not going anywhere.”
vii.
HILJD WAS SITTINGthe passenger seat of Gunnar’s truck (becauseof coursehe drove a pick-up truck) in the driveway to her place. She lived in a townhouse that shared walls on both sides, nothing like his isolated huge farmhouse. She liked it here, but she had to admit it was mostly because she didn’t have a lot of upkeep to see to. She was required to pay money every month for someone to see to the landscaping and keeping up with the roads. She only had to worry about the indoors. She liked it here because she could do it on her own. She wondered what it would be like to have relationship like Mariana’s, with the shared goals, doing things together. Not having to do everything on her own. She wanted that. But she was never going to have anything like that with Gunnar. “Look, I’ll get in touch with you after the holidays, all right?”
“I’m sorry I said what I said,” he said. “I’m sorry I said any of it.”
“Did you misrepresent what you think?” she said.
He hesitated. “No.”
She reached for the door handle. “Well, then—”
“But,” he said, reaching out to stop her, “maybe I need to change my mind about some of it.”
She pulled her hand back, turning on him. “Why would you saythat?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess it’s because I like you more than you like me. That’s blindingly fucking obvious. Story of my life. Fine, yeah, we’ll talk after the holidays.” He sank both of his hands into his hair.
She glared at him. “You don’t like me more than I like you.”
“Let’s look at the facts,” he said. “You haven’t pursued me at all, and I’ve done all the pursuing, and you’re just clearly not into me.”
“You’re not into me either.”
“Oh, okay. I guess you know me better than I know myself.”
