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Oliver loped into the room and nudged his head under my arm so that I would pat him. I sat on the couch for hours, comforted by the puppy who had saved my marriage once, only to watch it fall apart again.
I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about the grenade Kyle had detonated in our living room. For the past few months, I’d felt so guilty for lying to him about receiving a bonus when he’d done much worse. Yes, things had been bad between us. Working so hard to have a baby had ruined every good thing about our relationship, but if he loved me, he would have tried to fix it instead of running to someone else because he was angry with me. The worst part wasn’t even that he’d knocked up some bar-going ho. No, the most devastating thing in all this was that I now had to admit that Kyle’s and my fertility problems were my fault. I was the reason we couldn’t have a baby together. Deep down, I had suspected this, but still, a part of me had blamed Kyle because blaming him hurt less than blaming myself. I thought about all the times people had said what a great father Kyle would be, but I couldn’t remember anyone ever saying I’d be a good mom. Maybe they all knew I wouldn’t be, and that was why I had been unable to get pregnant.
Then it occurred to me that a woman who hung out in bars and had no issues sleeping with someone else’s husband probably had several partners and really had no idea if the baby was Kyle’s. She’d probably picked him because he was the most likely to help her out. Yes, that was it. Kyle had not gotten her pregnant.
These thoughts circled round and round in my head until I finally fell asleep. Oliver’s whining woke me. He stood on his hind legs withhis two front paws on the mattress, looking down at me. I squinted toward the clock. It wasn’t even five o’clock yet. “Go back to sleep,” I said, gently pushing him off the bed and rolling over so that my back faced him. He barked as he jumped back up. Kyle usually took him out in the mornings while I slept. I petted his head.
“Okay.” I reached toward the nightstand with my other hand for my phone. I expected to see a message from Kyle, letting me know where he’d spent the night, but the screen was blank.Is he staying at a hotel? With Luke? He’s staying with her.The thought popped into my mind with a certainty, followed by an image of a dark-haired, dowdy woman having an ultrasound. Kyle stood by her side, holding her hand, watching the monitor like he had that one time I had been pregnant.This woman is going to live the life I was supposed to live.
Outside the sun crawled out from behind the mountains and stretched toward the sky, casting shades of purple and yellow over the area. Any other day, I would have thought the colors were beautiful, but today they reminded me of an enormous bruise. Oliver pulled me toward a bush on our side lawn, where he did his business. When he finished, I took him for a walk around the block, using the flashlight app on my phone to illuminate the way. Back on my street, two flashlights came at us from down the road. Soon I was even with the other early-morning walkers, Sarah and Kevin Linehan. Kyle told me he saw them every morning. I didn’t understand why they were awake so early. They were retired and had the entire day to go for a walk, so why would they go before the sun fully rose?
Kevin pulled a dog treat from his pocket and tossed it to Oliver, who snatched it out of the air. The Linehans didn’t have a dog of their own, so I suspected this was a part of the daily routine.
“Where’s Kyle this morning?” Sarah asked.
I hadn’t expected to have to explain Kyle’s whereabouts before six o’clock in the morning. I hadn’t expected to be awake until eight. “I was up, so I decided to take Oliver out. Let Kyle sleepfor a change.” I looked at Oliver as I spoke, wondering if Kyle was sleeping in today.
“But his truck is gone,” she said.
Why did I even bother lying? Soon everyone would know. “I kicked him out,” I blurted, yanking on Oliver’s leash and making a beeline for my front door before she could ask me anything else.
Chapter 29
Ding-dong, ding-dong. The sounds woke me from a restless sleep on Saturday morning. Before I could move, the bed shook, and I felt Oliver’s hot breath on the back of my neck. With his two front legs resting on the mattress, he stood over me, panting. Pound, pound, pound. I sat up, wondering who could be banging on my door so early. Oliver shifted his paws to my thighs, and I rubbed his head. The pounding stopped, but my phone started to ring.
“Are you still sleeping?” Dana’s voice oozed judgment, as if it were two in the afternoon and not just before eight on a weekend morning. “We’re waiting out front.”
Waiting? Oh no.Today was June 2, Aunt Izzie’s birthday. Every year we celebrated the day by hiking Lydia’s Falls and sitting by the 140-foot waterfall with lunch and birthday cupcakes.
I lifted the shade and looked down on the driveway. Dana waved from the passenger seat of Aunt Izzie’s Subaru.
My phone felt damp from my sweaty grip. “Go without me. I’m not feeling well.” I was telling the truth. My entire body ached, probably because my muscles had been nonstop clenched since Kyle’s bombshell.
“Nikki,” Dana said. “Get your ass out here.”
From the window, I watched her lean toward the steering wheel. She blared the horn until Aunt Izzie smacked her hand away.
Across the street, the Abramses’ front door swung open. Mr.Abrams stepped onto the landing in a white T-shirt and red flannel pajama bottoms.
“Great, you woke my neighbors,” I said into the phone.
Aunt Izzie’s car backed out of the driveway and drove away.
Are they really going without me?A few minutes ago, I’d wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and curl into the fetal position. Now, the thought of being alone all day with no one to talk to except Oliver had lost its appeal.
“We’re going to get lunch to eat by the waterfall. We’ll be back in twenty. You better be ready,” Dana said.
As I showered, my phone pinged with a text. I assumed Dana was asking what kind of sandwich I wanted, but the message was from Kyle.
Kyle: I need to stop by to get a few things. Can we talk while I’m there?
Nikki: I won’t be here, but make sure you take everything you need so you don’t have to come back.
Kyle: All I need is you and Oliver. When can we talk?
Nikki: I don’t have anything to say to you, and there’s nothing you can say that I want to hear.
Three dots appeared as he typed his response. I shut off my phone before he finished.
