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“The person you should talk to is Kyle,” Sharon said.
“How did he seem to you?”
The corners of Sharon’s mouth ticked upward. She thought I was softening toward Kyle because I’d asked about his well-being. “He’s a mess, Nikki.”
This brought me momentary joy. I hung my head, not liking myself for the feeling.
Sharon reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. “Just hear what he has to say. That’s all I’m asking.”
I pulled my hand out from under hers. “It doesn’t matter what he has to say. It won’t change anything. He’s having a child with anotherwoman.” My voice sounded so bitter that I almost didn’t recognize it as my own.
Sharon rested a hand on her belly. I imagined she was trying to shield Baby Sharon from my soap opera–like life. “You were going through a rough time. I mean, really, you were separated.”
I pushed the salsa and chips away from me. “We weren’t separated. We had a huge fight, and he slept with someone else. And then he felt so guilty that he left.”
Sharon did that thing where she lowered her chin to her chest so I knew she was about to say something inappropriate. “You both hurt each other in ways that were equally bad.”
“You can’t compare me withdrawing money from my own retirement fund to his cheating.”
“I can,” she said. “Because both of you betrayed each other’s trust.”
Chapter 40
Casey and I sat side by side on a bench overlooking Castleton Lake. Sunbathers on towels and beach chairs reading, talking, and eating crowded the beach in front of us. Two boys tossed a football back and forth. A mother played Wiffle ball with her son. Swimmers frolicked in the shallow end, and out deeper, sailboats, kayaks, and paddleboards glided across the water. In the distance, Mount Stapleton stretched toward the sky.
“This is my favorite spot in town,” Casey said. Her folded hands rested on her protruding belly.
When I’d woken up this morning, I’d had no intention of coming here today, but Sharon’s voice telling me Casey planned to renounce her parental rights played on an endless loop in my mind like a jingle in an annoying commercial. I wanted to talk sense into Casey. Make her understand that she’d regret this decision for the rest of her life. Now that she was sitting next to me, I wished I hadn’t come. I didn’t owe this girl anything.
She took in a deep, ragged breath, and her hand moved to the arch of her back. I froze, fearing she was going into early labor. She was still only in her second trimester, but that would be my luck, being here with her when she gave birth to my husband’s baby.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“The baby just kicked. This kid’s either going to be a Rockette or an amazing soccer player.”
Hockey. Kyle’s son or daughter will play hockey.I pictured Kyle in the stands cheering on a boy who looked like him, and then I changed the image to him sitting on the bench, coaching the team. He looked happier than I’d ever seen him.
“Thank you for meeting me,” Casey said. “I know this can’t be easy.”
Since I’d arrived and sat down next to her, I’d avoided looking at her by staring out at the lake. Now I turned to face her. As always when I saw her, her baby face gutted me. How could Kyle have been with someone so young? Did he find my aging body repulsive? Part of me hated Casey, but there was another part that wanted to protect her, the part of me that had felt it was important to come here today.
She licked her lower lip. “I just want you to know that I didn’t know he was married. Not until after. I would never ...” Her trembling chin dropped to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”
I turned back to the lake. A man on a paddleboard lost his balance and fell into the water. He disappeared below the surface, and I waited with my breath held until he popped up again. Casey and I sat quietly, watching him struggle to pull himself onto his board. Eventually, he gave up and swam back to shore, pushing the board out in front of him.
“I don’t blame you,” I said.
“I wasn’t even going to tell him. I planned to have the baby, put it up for adoption, and move on.” She shook her head. “But somehow that just didn’t seem fair to him or the baby.”
I wish you’d never told him.I squirmed on the bench, uncomfortable with how selfish my thinking was, but the thought was true. Kyle and I had finally been happy before he’d found out, and now we’d never be happy together again.
“Kyle told me your story. I mean, about how you guys tried to have a baby.”
Her words stung like a sudden slap to my face. Kyle telling her about our problems felt like another of his betrayals, worse than sleeping with her. It suggested an emotional intimacy between them. How much had he confided in this girl? Why had he told her? To earn her sympathy before seducing her?
“I mean, he told me after, when I told him about the pregnancy.”
An image of his shocked face popped into my head, and I heard his bewildered voice.You’re pregnant? My wife had a miscarriage shortly after we got married, and couldn’t get pregnant again. We tried for years, spent tens of thousands of dollars.Had he felt relieved to know our fertility problems were my fault, not his? I stretched my arm, trying to release the tension building in my shoulders.
