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Aunt Izzie laughed. “I don’t want you to live in limbo for too long. You could get stuck there and never move out. Weigh your options, make a decision, and run with it.” Her voice had a wistful tone, and I wondered if she was giving me advice she wished someone had given her long ago.
“I met with Casey last week.”
Aunt Izzie’s jaw dropped open. “Good grief, why would you meet with her?” She snapped open a ginger ale. The can exploded, and the amber-colored liquid sprayed all over her shirt. She laughed as she mopped it up. “Sixty-one years old, and I still can’t remember not to bring carbonated drinks on my hikes because I jostle the cooler too much on the way up.”
I handed her more napkins. “Casey doesn’t want to keep the baby. She asked me to raise h—” I stopped. “She’s having a girl. She wants me to reconcile with Kyle so we can raise her together.” I looked toward the waterfall, shading my eyes with my hand. “She said she’d sign away all her rights.” A chill ran down my spine as I said the words, because I couldn’t believe someone could give up their baby so easily.
“The Lord works in mysterious ways. You wanted a baby, and now she’s offering you one.”
I dropped my hand and squinted against the bright sun. “I wanted a baby of my own.” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “She said I should consider her a surrogate mother.”
“That would be a way to put a positive spin on this.”
“Do you think it could work?”
Aunt Izzie looked toward the sky as if she were looking for divine inspiration. “If you want it to work, then yes, I think it would work. And you certainly have nothing to lose by trying.”
“I have everything to lose.”
“How so?” Aunt Izzie asked.
I watched the family climbing on the rocks. The girl rode piggyback-style on her father’s back, giggling while the mother watched with a huge grin. “What if Kyle and I reconcile and I fall in love with the baby and everything is going great, but then Casey changes her mind and takes the baby away. Just like Dana took Oliver away.” It was all I could think about since talking to Casey at Castleton Lake.
“Love doesn’t come without risk, Nikki.” Aunt Izzie picked up a stick and doodled in the dirt. “But you just told me Casey said she would renounce her parental rights. If she does that, you can adopt the baby, and Casey won’t be able to take her away. The law will be on your side.”
“She’s twenty-four. Too young to make such an important decision.”
“Your mother had you when she was eighteen. She never once thought about giving you away.”
“She wasn’t afraid when she found out she was pregnant?”
Aunt Izzie smiled. For a moment she looked so much like my mother that my heart hurt. “Oh, she was plenty scared. Scared to tell our parents, but determined to raise you from the moment she found out.”
“How did Nonna and Nonno react when she told them?”
Aunt Izzie picked up a stone and stared down at it as if it were a screen replaying a memory. “She waited to tell them until after she eloped with Dom. They were more worried about the marriage than the pregnancy.”
“Because she was so young?”
“They were concerned.” Aunt Izzie stopped speaking and tossed the stone to the ground. “I was concerned.”
I had a feeling she was debating whether to tell me more. “What were you concerned about?”
Aunt Izzie took a deep breath. “We all wondered if she married him for the right reasons.”
“You thought they only got married because she was pregnant.”
She opened her mouth but then snapped it shut without answering.
“You worried for nothing. If it hadn’t been for the accident, they would have celebrated their thirty-fifth anniversary and who knows how many more.”
Aunt Izzie shook her head. “I still have trouble believing she’s gone. Just now when I saw that eagle, the first thing I thought was,I have to send this picture to Gianna.” Her eyes misted over.
“You were a great sister to her. You must really miss her.” For five years my parents’ accident had been about Dana and me losing our parents. From day one, Aunt Izzie had stepped up to be there for us, but neither Dana nor I had ever tried to console her over the loss of her sister. My face burned with shame. I wrapped my arm around my aunt’s shoulder and pulled her to me. “You’ve been so strong for me and Dana, but we haven’t been there for you. If you ever want to talk about her, I’m here.”
“We’ve all been there for each other,” Aunt Izzie said. “Dinners, paint night, hikes. We’re all doing the best we can, and I know your mom would be proud.” She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. “How did we get on that topic? What were we talking about?”
I reminded her that we’d been talking about my meeting with Casey.
