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Prologue
SHANE
June 1998
I just stare into her blue-green eyes, this time holding an internal storm instead of sparkling as they usually did in my presence; all the hate directed at me. I have never seen such anger in her gaze before. But I knew the moment I made my way over to her house, this was how things would go tonight.
A single tear falls down her face. No dimples indenting her beautiful tan cheeks, like she usually had when she smiled brightly toward me. I can see the anger radiating off of her, yet she still has this wave of confusion flashing across her features.
“So that’s it? Years of loving one another, plans of building a future together, and this is how the next chapter goes?” She says this like I am breaking up with her without a care in the world. Like this isn’t ripping my heart out just as much as it is hers.
“Becs, you know this is best. I’m starting on a new path with the Navy and you’re going to do amazing things with your life. Pursuing medicine has always been your dream. So now you can do so, without anything holding you back. I cannot be your anchor in this life.”
“Holding me back? That’s what you think you do to me? Interesting because it seems from what you’re saying, I’ll be weighingyoudown, holdingyouback!” Now she’s yelling. Even in the middle of nowhere Nebraska, I think everyone in the twenty-mile radius can hear her.
I wince knowing that I can’t just walk away, and I’ll have to jab the knife deeper to make sure she doesn’t try to pursue me after I leave this porch tonight.
“Becs, please know I love you. I will always love you. But this won’t work out after this summer. We have to start fresh. We have to begin living our lives once we leave Saddle Ridge.”
“That’s real rich coming from you, Shane. I never thought it would be this way. After all the plans we made together, this is how you see fit for us to move forward…apart!” Now the tears are coming down like a waterfall. The saddest waterfall I’ve ever witnessed, coming from the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen in my life.
“You’re scared. That’s what you are. You are a coward and a liar. I can’t believe I fell for this nonsense when making plans for us these last four years. This isn’t love. This can’t be what love feels like because I thought what we had was forever. Love should feel like you’re soaring, being pushed to do better by those you love. Not feel like you’re suffocating under a body of water. But right now, Shane—you’re killing me.” She begins pacing on the porch where we spent so many nights looking up at the stars.
“Becs, I can’t go overseas to an unknown location, knowing you’re holding back in life because I asked you to. You have to know this is killing me just as much as it’s killing you. Maybe more.”
That gets her to stop in her tracks. Oh, my little firecracker. Becca is pretty reserved with her outbursts, except when pushed too far. And by the look she’s throwing at me, I’ve pushed a button that has taken her over the edge. Just from the way she looks at me, I know I struck a nerve. She straightens her spine and looks right at me, showing me she isn’t going to cower even though the world we had built up in our minds is crashing to the ground.
“So now you know what’s best for me without even talking to me about it? That’s how we are going to play this? You’re right, Shane. Poor little Becs can’t handle you being thousands of miles away. No, please, do this. This is so much better!” I see her spine straighten and her hands ball at her sides. The frustration is electric, coming off her like a bolt of lightning.
I move toward her to try and caress her arms. The warmth is seeping in, the summer is fast approaching, but there’s still a little breeze at night, and I can see goosebumps forming on her arms. All I want to do is memorize her touch because I know it’s the last time. I know I’m being a selfish prick right now, but she has no idea how much she owns my heart.
“Don’t you even think about comforting me when you’re the reason for this pain, Shane.” She pushes my hand off her. I attempt to comfort her again, but the walls are being built. “Stop. Just leave.” She whispers this last part as if she’s too tired to fight. Now her shoulders sag as if this entire interaction has simply taken all the energy from her body.
Today has been draining. We had graduation a few hours ago, and we were supposed to be heading to grad night with our classmates. Once I made this decision to break up with Becca, I couldn’t just pretend the night away knowing this would weigh on me until I ripped off the band-aid. So here I am, doing the one thing I promised I would never do to her—break her heart. We had plans. That, she wasn’t wrong about.
But things change. Mindsets change. Lives veer in different directions and we have to pivot. So that’s what I’m doing. This is best for her. She will see that one day. We both have plans in our lives and we need to reach our goals. We will only weigh one another down. Becca has dreamed of being a pediatrician since she was a little kid. I will not let her throw away her dreams to follow me. And I can’t forget I had my mind set on going into the Navy. That hasn’t changed in all the years we’ve known each other.
“If it’s meant to be, we will find one another again. I mean it, Becs. Our paths will lead back together if that’s what’s meant to happen.”
I try to say it softly to her, hoping to calm this palpable pain that’s evident around us right now. Maybe I’m saying this more for me than for her. I’m breaking inside with how I’m having to let her go, but it would hurt a whole lot more if she gave up her dreams for me. So I’ll do this for her, even if she doesn't see it that way right now.
“Becs, I love you. I will always love you. I’m doing this because of my love for you.” I plead because parting with her is already breaking me, but walking away from her with this shattered look on her face might kill me.
“Enough, Shane. You know what you’re doing right now? You’re making yourself feel better. You know what you’re failing to see? That my heart isn’t broken. It has imploded and that’s all because of you!” Becca storms off toward the door.
I take two large steps toward her, grabbing her hand. She pulls her hands to her chest as if my touch burns her from the contact.
“You’ve said all you need to say. I think it’s best you leave, Shane. Why prolong this pain? I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’ll live my life. That’s what you want, right? For me to be out in the world, living freely? Well, don’t worry about me. I’ll party, date, fall in love…all the things I thought were done because my heart was complete when I met you; I’ll go off and do them with other people. I will live my life wildly, so put that head on your pillow at night knowing that your job here is done.”
This time I’m the one left in shock. Knowing that Rebecca Stanley will be out in the world, being loved by someone other than me, is the fatal blow to my heart. Becca opens her front door and walks inside, slamming the door shut with a loud sound, causing me to jump as if thunder was roaring around me. I don’t know how long I stand out there, but I know that once I walk off this porch, I don’t just leave a piece of myself in front of her house, but I leave behind everything that matters most to me.
ChapterOne
REBECCA
Present Day
“Mom! Where is my pink headband with the rhinestones?”
