Page 30 of If Only You Knew


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“Having to leave today is going to break me. I wish I could stay, but I have to get some things in order before the holidays begin and everyone starts taking vacation time.” I give her another peck and reach for a mug to pour some coffee.

“Vacation? What’s that?” she says with a playful smile. We both drink our coffee, Becs asking me about where I have to go first and when I’m expected to be back in New York. I think setting things straight, once and for all, is needed before I step out her door.

“Becs, I am getting things in order and when I get back to New York, I will relocate and make this my home base.”

I had just spoken to my staff about it last week and got the ball rolling to ensure a smooth transition to this city would occur sooner rather than later.

“There are just some things I need to handle in Boston, California, and London before I can stay here for good. I will keep my places in California and Boston as I’ll still be required to make visits, but it won’t be as consistent as I’ve had to be in the past. Luckily, I can do many things remotely.”

Becca puts her mug down and puts her arms around my middle. She rests her chin on my chest and looks up at me. She pulls me in with those vibrant eyes of hers. I put my coffee down as well, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her slowly and softly. When we pull away, she looks so at peace, as if her heart and her head are exactly where they’re supposed to be.

Unfortunately, when I open my big mouth, I ruin the moment, “When I return, we will have that talk I promised you we’d have about all that happened in the past.”

I see the instant shift in her gaze. She doesn’t pull out of my hold, but she does seem to realize the reality of our situation, versus whatever fantasy world she had been conjuring up in her mind in order to cope.

She nods but doesn’t add more to my comment. I love this woman and she is my home, no matter where I have to go to achieve it with her. Opening up about the stupidity of my behavior in the past is not high on my list, but I do know that to move forward, we have to get all our old wounds healed up.

I kiss her again and then reach for my coffee to finish what was left. She walks me to the front, where I slip on my shoes. I tell her how much I love her and how much I’ll miss her. Luckily, reality seeping in did not deter her from telling me how much she loves me back. I smile at her and give her another soft kiss.

“You’ll be in all my thoughts until I see you again. I’ll text when I land. I love you.”

* * *

I make it to the airport only to discover there is now a three-hour delay to my flight that didn’t show up when I last looked at my itinerary. Traffic was a bitch getting to LaGuardia, and the stress that caused me is still running through my system. I decide to call Janine for an update at the Boston office.

“Hi, boss. Why aren’t you on your flight right now?” She doesn’t waste time scolding me like a child.

“The flight’s fucking delayed. I could have stayed with Becca longer had I known.” I had checked the status of the flight multiple times on the way to the airport, but this delay occurred as I was going through security.

“Yeah, I’m must seeing it, but hopefully things are fixed soon and you’ll be on your way,” Janine says, although I can hear her typing away on her laptop.

“Any updates for me?” I ask while looking around to see if there is a place around here where I can grab some food while I wait. The coffee I had this morning is not holding up as a good meal source.

“Your mother called me and said she will be unable to meet for lunch or dinner while you’re in town,” Janine says, sounding slightly exasperated.

She and my mother don’t see eye to eye. My mother comes off pretty cold to others who don’t know her. But her behavior has never really affected my relationship with her. I know she’s not blatantly rude to others, but she can come off like she’s standing on a bit of a pedestal.

“Did she explain why?”

I have been trying to speak to my mother for weeks. I can’t help but feel she started distancing herself shortly after I told her I had reconnected with Becca. Becs mentioned my mother wasn’t her biggest fan, and I never got to elaborate on that previously. I’ll have to add that to things we talk about when we sit down again, face-to-face. I think laying it all out in the open is the best plan to move forward together.

“No. She just said she was taking an impromptu trip to Seattle to visit her sister, and that the timing just wasn’t right. Do you want me to call again and insist she sees you?”

Janine never liked to see me disappointed, and I was always grateful for that. But having her deal with my mother more than she had to, while also juggling my relocating, was not something I was going to subject her to. I would see my mom on my next trip out to California. Hopefully, by then I could have a better grasp on what her issue was with Becca. Something did not sit right with me about what Becca said regarding how my mom perceived her.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll try to get a hold of her during Thanksgiving and figure out a time that works for her schedule to see her.”

“Okay, boss. Well, your driver is all set to pick you up when you land in Boston. I’ll keep checking your flight itinerary and make sure I’m aware of any other delays that might come up.” She continues to type the keys on her computer. She never stops multitasking, but I guess that’s why I keep her around.

“Bite your tongue. Let’s hope there are no more delays.” I did not sleep enough to deal with more delays on top of the one I’m currently sitting through.

I hang up with Janine and text Becs. I know she was prepping for an early surgery this morning, then she had back-to-back patients in the office. Babies never took a day off, is what she always said these last few weeks whenever I asked how her day looked.

I saw the bubbles appear in an attempt to respond shortly after I sent my text.

I miss you. Sitting at the airport due to a delay.

Becs

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