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“Mom. Please. No. He’s a happily married man and he behaved like an absolute gentleman, and in fact, I think he was worried that I’d flirt with him a couple of times.” I giggle that last part, as if it would have happened. I don’t flirt with anyone…especially married men.
“Wow. Is he handsome?” she asks with a gushing sigh.
“Mom. He’s married.” I stop her before she gets started. I just said the man was married. Did she forget?
“Sorry. Well, please drive safely. It’s crazy during the holidays. Goodness, I can’t wait to see you.” My heart melts, and I look forward to seeing her too.
“Me either. I miss the both of you. I’m staying until Christmas night, but then I have to drive back because I have to go back to work on the twenty-sixth,” I remind her. She knows this, but she still tries to get me to stay longer anyway. I love her to pieces and wouldn’t be the woman that I am without her, but she does try to play mind games with me. Still, my will is too strong, or maybe it’s my skull that’s too thick.
“Do you?” she asks sweetly.
I roll my eyes and reply like I haven’t mentioned it a dozen times before. “Yes.” Seriously, talking to her while driving is dangerous. I’m either going to crash, or my eyes are going to stay like that.
“Dang.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like I’m not around at least once every other week,” I remind her, which is the absolute truth. Considering I live an hour away, I visit a lot.
“That’s true.”
“You know, you and Dad could always come and visit me for an afternoon. Steeleville isn’t far.” I always want them to come visit me, but I know they never will.
“Oh, we know, but your Dad has been working on his pet projects lately so he’s been in his office a lot more.”
“Makes sense. I’ll be there soon. I’m getting off the phone so I can jam out to some Christmas music. I love you, Mom.” She knows I love driving with the music on so I can get my mind off the traffic.
“I love you too, Tina.” I end the call and hit my app, turning up Andy Williams as he belts outIt’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year.
****
Christmas Eve has been magical as ever, but something feels different. I’m not sure what exactly it is, but a sense of loneliness keeps coming over me, which makes no sense. I had all my cousins there with my aunts and uncles who teased, drank, and ate before heading home for the holiday. In the morning, Mom, Dad, and my two brothers will still be here with their families to share in the gift-giving, so why do I feel empty?
I shake my head.No. Don’t even go there. Not one damn moment. Not a second, Augustina. It’s not because of him.
“Hey, girl, what’s up?” I glance up to see my brother Nate staring at me from the doorway of my bedroom with a concerned look on his face.
“Nothing. What’s up?” I answer way too quickly.
“Bullshit. You’re lying your ass off. Something’s wrong. You’re not yourself one damn bit. Normally you’re ten times more chipper when it comes to Christmas. I’ve never seen you so disinterested. It’s your favorite holiday.” It is. I remember they made me feel so welcome that first year after my world came apart and I thought Christmas wasn’t going to come for me. They made me a big part of their family.
“It’s really nothing. I think I’ve just had a really busy day at work and it’s worn me down.” I let out a genuine yawn.
He comes in and sits down on my bed. “Is it hard?” he asks.
“Not really, but I go in early, trying to be an overachiever.” I give him an extremely wide smile.
“What do they call it these days? A ‘try-hard’?” he asks. He’s nearly thirty-five and feels like an old man around me, or at least that’s how he likes to act.
“Yeah. I guess. Well, it didn’t work. Not sure if my boss even really noticed because the man works hard as hell and was focused on getting out and home to his family on Christmas Eve as well.”
“Well, then, he was probably happy that you did your job well if he wanted to get out of there in a hurry. Wait, girl, please don’t tell me you’re crushing on a mar—”
“Stop yourself right there. None of that. I’m just trying to prove myself, and besides, I have no interest in him and vice versa. The man is truly in love with his wife, who came in after cutting herself with an ornament today. I think she’s younger than me, though. Anyway, none of that matters. I’m just exhausted. It’s been a very busy day and a long drive back here.”
“Well, I hope it’s just that.” His brow raises, and he gives me a challenging once-over. Nate has been a great big brother to me.
“Of course.” I give my brother a hug, and he leaves the room to go join his wife down the hall. They started their family a couple of years ago, adding a house full of little ones. As the youngest in the bunch, I have no kids, so I’m just the cool aunt.
Although, an image fills my head of a little baby boy in my arms and big, powerful hands pressed firmly on my waist as a kiss is placed on my head. Damn it, that animal at the clinic fucked me all up.
